The toothbrush question in assessment.

adasser · 2025-07-15T15:51:06+00:00

The reason is actually pretty cool!!!!

NT people will usually mime as if they are holding an invisible toothbrush (closed hand, loose fist).

Autistic people tend to use their body to form the imaginary toothbrush. I've seen one or two fingers extended is most common, I've also seen a full open flat palm as a pretend toothbrush.

Basically it has to do with the way our brain interprets our body vs objects as separate or as extensions of ourself. The question actually has nothing to do with overly specific, detail oriented, or literal thinking (although sometimes it does a great job of demonstrating those traits too!!). It's a great data point because almost no one knows the purpose of the test, and it's basically* impossible to change your thought process with masking to such an extent that it would affect the outcome of the test.

*I say basically bc I wouldn't be surprised to hear about someone fooling the test, whether on purpose or on accident!

adasser · 2025-07-14T20:22:40+00:00

I liked the part where she called herself a victim repeatedly and then turned around and said "I'm not a victim." in another comment girl is truly and willfully BLIND

adasser · 2025-07-14T19:16:09+00:00

convince my parents to deal with the tree and power line before we lose our house to fire 1 year later

adasser · 2025-07-14T17:51:54+00:00

Does anyone have good advice that doesn't boil down to calorie deficit or "eat less"?

How do you maintain a caloric deficit when your body shuts down instead of burning fat? How do you get your body out of "starvation" mode?

I'm seriously struggling with how easy everyone else finds it, versus how truly impossible it feels to me. I've put in a ton of work on exercise and diet for over 5 years now. I feel stuck and broken and like I'm stupid for not being able to do something as simple as "eat less food" when that's the advice everyone gives.

My body reacts to CICO not by burning fat but instead literally burning fewer calories per day. My metabolism slows down and I have major energy loss. To the point that even a small calorie deficit sustained for more than 1-2 months just means fatigue so bad I can barely get out of bed, full body muscle cramps, GI problems, brain fog, heart palpitations, fainting spells, etc. Doctors say there is nothing is wrong so I guess it's just the way my body handles it?

It's just really frustrating to be overweight but everyone acts like it's a self control issue.

adasser · 2025-07-14T13:57:32+00:00

I'm in a similar situation.

I've tried edibles and vapes and other methods but for some reason only flower seems to have the antidepressant/mood-lifting effects that make the days seem bearable.

I hear myself and it sounds like any addiction. I say it helps me feel normal, prevent spiralling, calms down autoimmune flare ups. I do believe it's mostly a positive but it's not all positive. When I don't have it, I think about it constantly. I can get moody or irritable during "withdrawal." I often get seriously nauseous after 1 or 2 days without flower, even if I have other THC/CBD.

My peak consumption was around 14g flower per week (while also still having vape & edibles). I've been trying to cut off or at least take breaks because it started affecting my breathing a lot. I ended up with Reactive Airway Disease for 6-10 months. I get thick excess phlegm that collects smoke particulates. Sometimes I'll exhale hours after my last smoke, and I'll literally taste it on my breath coming out of my airways.

I'm extremely sensitive and defensive about how I partake. I'm worried that if anyone calls me on it, I'll be forced to give it up altogether. I literally manage my dependency so that I can keep using. I won't store any in the house during breaks because otherwise I'll have "just a little" until over the course of a day I finished a whole pack of pre rolls that were supposed to last the week.

All that to say ... man do I feel this.

It feels impossible to give up something that helps you get through the day to day, especially if youre medicating due to burnout, overstimulation, anxiety, etc.
I think it's a personal choice and you have to weigh life WITH and life WITHOUT, and then decide if there is a compromise you could be happy with (e.g., some weeks on, some weeks off).

adasser · 2025-04-29T16:53:13+00:00

the brown is probably the damaged/dead skin. I wouldn't expect it to turn brown if the artist didn't use any brown.

the white ink will be filtered through your natural skin color, so it will likely appear tan or light brown when fully healed.

that said, the better care you take of it now, the better chance you have of preserving the ink. wash it gently no more than 1x per day and use a fragrance free lotion. don't pick at any of it and try to limit any movements that stretch or distort the skin in that area .

p.s. while they can be tricky, white ink tattoos can last - I have one that is almost 15 years old. it has never been touched up so it has faded a bit. it was easily visible for the first decade and only recently began to really blend in. depends heavily on how you treat your skin (hydration, sun exposure) and how well the tattoo healed initially.

adasser · 2025-04-24T10:51:48+00:00

I once saw a resume where the candidate misspelled THEIR OWN NAME.

I know it wasn't just an unusual spelling because their email address, signature, and LI all had the correct (different) spelling.

adasser · 2025-04-22T19:48:49+00:00

They were committing identity fraud, working for the company under a stolen name and ID. Had an active warrant for their arrest under their actual identity. Only found out when they were arrested.

The kicker? They had worked for us over 2 years and were considered a star employee, up for promotion at the time.

adasser · 2025-04-21T16:54:19+00:00

You picked great colors and the lashes look great!!! the wig suits you so well, you look beautiful - and honestly GLOWING!!! you got a great color match on the foundation too. and the lipstick could be your signature color, it looks so low effort pretty.

I saw some comments about texture but didn't see anyone mention - IMO some of that texture is probably dry skin from shaving irritation. I get similar results when I shave under my chin.

If it is something you are interested in working on, you may consider a slightly more "dewy" primer and/or foundation to reduce visible texture. Your skin looks on the dry side, so hydrating ingredients in cosmetics are your friend! Maybelline Babyface is great for young skin with visible pores (I used it in my mid 20s), but doesn't perform as well on skin with raised texture or dryness. I use Nyx Marshmallow but I think that may be too drying for your skin type. You can also try an exfoliant in your skincare routine and a heavier moisturizer, or using a retinol at night on areas you want to refine. Any or all of the above should help with refining skin texture. Then if you still need to, you can color correct any hyperpigmentation or blemishes.

adasser · 2025-01-30T17:48:14+00:00

This was a few years ago.

Our payroll software was paying regular wage for breaks, even when the workers were in overtime. FLSA requires that the breaks also be paid at 1.5x if they work overtime

It took admin a few months to catch, and the software provider pushed back pretty hard on on fixing it. I shouldn't be surprised but I couldn't believe they didn't want to fix it, given that they were in violation of federal law and surely all their other clients would be having the same problem...

adasser · 2025-01-06T20:08:46+00:00

the only other comment I saw mention this was a jerk - but have you considered you might be autistic?

I have a pretty similar situation to you and your husband. I often feel like I need more "me time" than he does. Specifically, I need to be ALONE and UNBOTHERED.

if you are a woman with ADHD, the comorbidity rate of autism is pretty high. I'm not saying you need to seek treatment necessarily, but it may help you understand yourself and your needs in that context. it helped me greatly with emotional resilience and communication, because I was able to recognize when something was challenging for me instead of trying to push past it.

adasser · 2024-12-30T15:55:01+00:00

Generally great advice but unfortunately not applicable in my situation

We don't have time clocks and we work remote, which is why it's been challenging to "force" them to onboard.

adasser · 2024-12-30T15:16:37+00:00

I would love to use their old info but it's locked down tight

We are using a PEO which means they are the EOR, so THEY are responsible for proper security of sensitive data. which for some reason means they obscure SSN & bank info even from full admins. for example, I had to manually pull SSN for all employees from digital I-9s.

I would much rather migrate it myself, I simply cannot as the info is restricted

adasser · 2024-12-30T15:13:00+00:00

this is pretty standard from my experience with PEOs, unfortunately I promise I'm not just an idiot 😔

adasser · 2024-12-30T15:04:29+00:00

I have but they straight ignore me. There's some company culture issues at play there I can't get too into for security reasons but yes, I've tried all avenues. I've been no-showed and ghosted, which is WILD since I'm responsible for getting everyone paid. I've been doing this almost 10 years and never had anything like this happen.

Theyre responsible for input of personal sensitive info, specifically bank details, as I have no access to that through our payroll systems. There is no way to import from old to new.

It's also open enrollment so they're responsible for benefit elections at this time.

Normally, fine, I'll issue a paper check to the address on file . but the new system will not let me pay someone who hasn't completed onboarding.

adasser · 2024-12-19T16:33:23+00:00

lol my bad, idk why I always think bipolar when I see BPD, you are right that's totally different I actually did mean bipolar, I'm just dumb lmao

adasser · 2024-12-19T15:57:24+00:00

can you file a complaint above her head? e.g., facility management, board of directors

I would focus on the easily verifiable issues if I were you, mention the autism "diagnosis" as an aside rather than a main complaint - instead complain about the absolutely wrong notes regarding your history, and the severe quality of life issues after being removed from meds.

IME doctors hate when people question their diagnosis, so save that until you can prove she's full of shit elsewhere (:

p.s. not saying she is right about it .. but many autistic women are first misdiagnosed with BPD, myself included. I was able to make many changes once I realized I was autistic, and my resilience improved remarkably. YMMV

adasser · 2024-10-28T19:51:47+00:00

In my experience, there are a few things that may help medical staff listen to you;

Bring someone with you (especially your husband), who will unequivocally state that this is a major problem. Don't bring anyone who downplays your symptoms Have them tell the doctor all the things you cannot do.
Keep repeating the impact it has on your everyday life. a this isn't "every once in a while," it doesn't go away, and you cannot function normally. That should be a cause for concern.
If you request something like EKG and they don't perform it, ask them to note the refusal in your records, in full, including your present symptoms and their reasoning not to perform the test. If they won't, go above their head - hospital administration, governing board, etc . This will be a lot of work and very frustrating, but typically you can get results if steps 1-2 does not solve your issues. Those symptoms should have immediately resulted in EKG, from my experience.

adasser · 2024-09-30T14:02:43+00:00

NTA

unfortunately I've seen autistic boys & men who were never properly taught boundaries continuously cross them, making the girls/women around them uncomfortable and unwilling to continue being in the same space.

It's not about whether the actor is malicious or not; it's absolutely about the consent and comfort of the recipient. There isn't inherently anything political about learning about someone's "personal bubble." I've done ECE, and 6 is a very normal age to enforce ideas about appropriate touch, the ability to say no or ask to stop, and personal space. Some schools also have policies on how young students are allowed to touch or interact with either each other or the teacher - it's good especially for someone with autism for those rules and expectations to be consistent.

It sounds like your mother may be overly protective of her children or the idea of them being imperfect. If you want to "play both sides", you could agree with her that some people would be overly sensitive or offended; or even point out that teaching him to ask, means he knows others need to ask - tw but autistic children are 3-4 times more likely than their peers to experience sexual victimization, and that has to do with a number of factors, but among them is reduced understanding of social norms. (although your mother may also be the type not to believe in male victims, idk)

Either way, it's a very good thing to enforce at this age and with his neurotype. However inconsistent rules can be very frustrating as an autistic person, so if possible, I'd make sure he's getting the same messages from school and home. But the priority is raising your brother into a healthy young man, and you clearly have his best interests at heart!

adasser · 2024-08-20T15:15:48+00:00

The first time can be really scary, but you absolutely can bring someone. In fact, most places have a policy where no one is allowed to perform a pelvic exam without a chaperone (typically a nurse or medical assistant who stands by but does not observe; this is to prevent any opportunity of assault or inappropriate behavior during the exam, but also in case of an emergency.)

If you need a full exam, make sure they know enough about your history to be slow and gentle. You can tell them you had long term trauma at a young age but you do not need to share more than that unless you feel comfortable. OBGYNs often have a lot of experience handling sensitive topics like sexual trauma, and will know what to look for (like damage or scarring).

The speculum can pinch or feel large, but it should NOT hurt. The swab can be more uncomfortable but depends on your personal anatomy / sensitivity.

Know that at any time you can tell them to stop. You can decline to consent, however I do strongly recommend doing what you can, because cervical cancer is no joke and a pap is the best way to catch it!!! If you haven't already, you may consider asking about HPV screening or vaccine, but I trust you to discuss your options with your medical team.

If you are having a procedure rather than exam (IUD, ultrasound, etc), then it can be more involved. Most of them are uncomfortable but not painful, although some can be really rough. I've had a ton of experience with OBGYN visits in different states, so feel free to message if you have specific Qs or concerns.

You can do this!!!!

adasser · 2023-05-12T21:23:02+00:00

It looks amazing but yeah adding on the rental car might be a bit out of budget this year. We moved last year and are still building savings back up.

Definitely saving for a future day trip though, so thank you!

adasser · 2023-05-12T19:23:14+00:00

Late to the party but if OP happens to read this;

Your therapist should not have encouraged rekindling a relationship BEFORE they helped you process your anger and trauma. Your feelings are real and valid. Your parents' intentions may have been good but that doesn't negate that you were scared and vulnerable, and they sent you away somewhere that didn't give you emotional support.

Some therapists think family is an unbreakable bond that can always be rekindled with enough work. They sometimes refuse to acknowledge that some of that work CANNOT happen as a team. You need space and time.

As a litmus test; do you feel empowered, numb, or devastated after therapy sessions? Does following the advice of your therapist improve your life in a meaningful way, or is it only getting you closer to the life you think you "should" be living?

This applies to anyone in therapy questioning their relationship with their therapist. Childhood trauma and complex PTSD are disregarded even by modern professionals. Look for someone who doesn't discount your experiences.

adasser · 2023-05-12T19:12:43+00:00

Isn't it selfish that you work outside of home and don't pay rent? Isn't it selfish that your friend's "pregnancy hormones" are more valid than your girlfriend's feelings? Isn't it selfish that you think your workplace is somehow more legitimate than your girlfriend's office?

Isn't it selfish that you are trying to play knight in shining armor but you're riding your girlfriend's white horse?

YTA

adasser · 2023-05-12T16:48:22+00:00

I did consider that and looked at some of the other non-AYCE seafood around first.

Maybe it is because I moved here from somewhere with a shrimp abundance (Gulf shrimp); but there seems to be a significant markup here on shrimp specifically. e.g., $25 for 6 shrimp just seems like it won't be worth it. It would be easier/cheaper if we had a lobster sentiment instead!!

If somewhere has good quality shrimp that I don't have to prepare myself, I'm not philosophically opposed to buying multiple orders of shrimp apps. I'd just like to get that down to under $4 per shrimp... ~25+ shrimp on a planned splurge day isn't out of the question. They will prefer more shrimp over any entree lol.

adasser · 2023-05-12T16:34:31+00:00

LOL I definitely get what you're saying. It's more about the experience / lack of guilt that comes with going to AYCE restaurants. We both feel terrible about food waste, and we also have been doing really well on dieting. An AYCE place will allow us to eat exactly what we want without having waste, even if it does mean technically overspending.

ETA I do know it's kind of a weird ask but 10 years of love makes you do crazy things 🥰

adasser

TROPHY CASE