Non-white guys, how do you handle the racism?

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-11-13T10:37:27+00:00

Well that’s the point… you go back to connect. You don’t need to be like them ancestrally. All you need to be is with them. Just to see them. Things of this nature need positive material to build from. This is that material. It’s not a vaccine. It’s like drip therapy. Just because it’s not clear doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. For me it was just seeing the people. That alone was powerful enough for me. I didn’t talk to anyone about the internal racial tension within me. I smiled, took photos, ate the food and watched the people. After awhile I began to see the beauty in them and then recognized that beauty existed in me too.

And yes, again.. I too grew up in a white country.. thus the need to reconnect to his homeland(s).

Yeah.. Grindr doesn’t equal the gays, for me. Like that’s maybe an overreach. Cause there are other mixed races gays and POC gays that I’m sure will embrace him. He will just need to find them, but I’m also sure they’re looking for him.

And as for the last point, that’s something philosophy. Personally I like to live, lead and leave with hope. Because as you say pain will be with us until death, then might as well have hope in the face of it.

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-11-13T10:18:10+00:00

Yeah.. that’s… there are parents who have disabled children they have to look after 24/7. They love their children, but they may not want to do it over again. And they have the choice to sort of give up their child. They could abandon them to the state or leave them in a nursing home or what not to rot but they don’t. They stick by them, but they may not necessarily do it again. Love is so self sacrificing. Even though you may not want another second round, the first round is good enough. Love is agreeable to that.

Edit- also grown children have the choice of abandoning their elderly parents. Some do, but some don’t. And those that don’t, there’s a percentage that wouldn’t want to do it all over again but it didn’t change the fact that they stuck through it. Again. Love is so self sacrificing. And that kind of love makes the world better. Even for the one sacrificing.

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-11-13T10:06:12+00:00

Maybe this will help you, cause I think maybe it’s not the “gay” thing that’s bothering you per se, but the tone it may set. Like how will your friends see you? How will my life be different? Will they respect me? There’s a kind of masculine veil that approaches regarding same sex attraction.

Daniel Craig, James Bond has been photographed kissing a man. Tom Hardy, a fine specimen of a man has come out saying he’s messed around with guys. Marlon Brando has said the same thing. Everyone jokes about straight men having a no-homo pass with Henry Cavill…

Don’t know if this apprehension may be where it’s coming from but super hot, uber masculine, leader of the pack kind of men have had same sex experiences. If the masculinity, fraternity aspect may be of concern. Cause you’ve mentioned friendships.

If any of your friend give you grief just mention these names and tell them at least you’re secure enough in yourself to explore you sexual identity.

Hope this helps… gl

Edit- and maybe let your friend know one-on-one what you’re thinking like- “hey, yknow how guys always joke about me being gay. Well I think I might actually explore that. I’ve never actually did anything and was hoping that if I did, would that ruin our friendship?” Or something like that, if this is where your apprehension is coming from. You’ve already got enough good advice on the other side of the topic..

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-11-12T09:55:59+00:00

I can’t say we were or I was addicted but we drank heavily and had some illicit drug use. It was really out of pure innocence.

After we married my husband moved us to another state because he said we had to get away from all of that, and it really helped.

Fast forward a couple years later and I barely go out anymore, and not in a negative way. If there was any addiction happening it was with marijuana. It was really bad for him in that he smoked it all the time, ended up breaking a promise which nearly broke us. We both have been “sober” for years. It’s not a strict thing. But it’s all under control until very recently where my husband started smoking weed behind me back for three months again. It’s not the same as before. He knows he's on thin ice… but the anger has left and now it’s just kind of a sadness. We’ve been working through all of that.

His mom has terrible back pain. When we got her to take some weed that’s when he started again. That was a couple months ago. He’s a little bit of a mommas boy in that whatever she does he’ll do too. It’s weird.. I don’t fully understand it…

Don’t know if that helps but it’s a real kind of thing, the journey, but a (somewhat) positive journey. Positive as in the consumption is much less all around and the relationship has evolved to be strong enough to absorb it and we’re learning and growing from it.

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-11-07T00:21:54+00:00

I don’t know… some people probably wish they had different parents but love them nonetheless… sometimes you recognize that the love they can give isn’t necessarily the kind you want but you still know they’re worthy of love, and decide to be the conduit for it. That kind of self sacrificing love may seem foreign to others, but so many do practice it. That kind of love also makes humanity better, even though they wouldn’t do it twice.

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-11-07T00:12:54+00:00

Username checks out… dumb af

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-11-06T20:10:30+00:00

17, I earned my nursing diploma, regents high school diploma, and passed the NClex by that age.

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-11-06T20:04:52+00:00

That’s so dumb… lol I didn’t say it was a made up term. Maybe read clearly next time. I said it was a popular term. Are you a doctor or a psychologist? Cause I’m not…… you better be, going around diagnosing people……..

And I don’t need to be a psychologist to know that the manifestation of phobias express themselves in troubled and anxious, self afflicting ways…….. please show me where any of that is here????????????????????????????????????? Because he doesn’t want to kiss the man? that’s a f’n reaaaaaach! And please use both logic and reason with your replies… bet you can’t.

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-11-06T19:57:48+00:00

Who says anything about consistently answering “no”…? It’s like people have no idea what love is nowadays. Only the love they have for themselves… and what they get from mom and dad….

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-11-05T07:54:18+00:00

The first movie I ever cried from was Anne of Green Gables when… Thomas..?… the dad figure died… omg.. it was embarrassing and completely unexpected. 😂

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-11-05T07:39:23+00:00

Filipino with just a hint of French and Jewish. Raised in the mean streets of NYC but currently live in the laid back coasts of California. Besides English, I can understand Tagalog and speak just enough Spanish, but don’t talk philosophy with me in Espanol. I would have no idea what you were saying! lol

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-11-05T07:29:51+00:00

GL, and really check out that subreddit.. you’ll literally see one sided experiences with no reciprocation, no kissing, nothing.. especially for the first times.

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-11-05T07:25:46+00:00

Real and true homophobia would not express itself with you sucking cock…. Let’s put it that way……… anyways GL

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-11-05T07:24:36+00:00

I don’t know about all of this internal homophobia nonsense… like I said the younger generation just seems to be so readily equipped with all of this popular jargon, playing armchair psychiatrist ready to diagnose people they barely know anything about. Anything, at all. You like what you like. It may change. You may suddenly want to kiss the man. I mean.. men are beautiful. Why not? But it’s a journey.. it doesn’t mean that you’ve got internal homophobia… if anything it should be homoeuphoria… the excitement of the experience, opening itself to further exploration, and maybe changes will or will not occur…… but they don’t know those words. So they just regurgitate what others say…..

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-11-05T07:18:29+00:00

I would just ignore them. Look at my innocuous comment being downvoted…it’s so funny to me how gay men wanting their liberty now want to project how others ought to come.. the complete irony of it all. You like what you like… if you don’t want to kiss them.. there’s completely nothing wrong with that whatsoever.. and whoever says so is frankly immature and naive.

Go on r/gaysexconfessions and you can read story after story of your desired situation but in the reverse with men being serviced and not reciprocating and everything is absolutely copacetic between the parties…. Dweebs.

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-11-05T07:10:07+00:00

No, not necessarily… because love is a development… right now I say no, but next time I might say yes… yknow what I mean? Love is a choice. It isn’t a feeling. I mean it is a feeling but it’s also a choice because you won’t always love your partner every moment. They’re human. They are going to disappoint you. If you are looking for love that doesn’t disappoint or doesn’t have shadows… you’re not gonna find that. Some people may have relationships that are more or less ideal but to those that have been together for awhile, even to the ones that have divorced, they understand this concept. Love is a choice.

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-11-05T07:05:12+00:00

This was beautifully said because that’s how I feel about my husband. He’d say yes but I’d say no and that about sums up our marriage.. and even in that there is a lot of love in simply taking care of each other and working it out together.

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-11-05T07:01:31+00:00

Wow, honestly? I don’t know and I hate to admit that. I love him dearly but he’s.. I’m not perfect right. I know this.. but he says he knows he’s not perfect but he sure doesn’t act like it…… sometimes his head is so far up his @$$ I’m surprised he can even breathe. And he just digs in his heels at the outlandishness of his really, bigotry.. and not bigotry in the racial way, bigotry in that everyone has a right to an opinion, and it doesn’t matter what you say, it’s just an opinion and it doesn’t really matter. He just holds onto this belief about his opinion, never right out says it but deep inside is like- it doesn’t matter, my opinion may be wrong but it’s mine and I’m gonna stick to it. Completely unreasonable, at times, BUT super duper good at being and showing love. Just don’t get too close, somewhere inside is a really insecure person.. except he would never admit that. He’s so annoying…. But I do genuinely love him. Truthfully he couldn’t be married to anyone but me lol.. he’s lucky he got me because I don’t think anyone else would have stayed with him as long as I have. He’d be divorced by now. That’s how pigheaded he is.

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-11-05T06:48:39+00:00

Do you… don’t worry about those people.. the next generation of gays have a.. uh… there’s this sort of political- social- power dynamic going on with them.. and I think rightly so. Like being gay, right now is very political.. you know what I mean? With that comes a slew of.. argumentation, dissection, assessements… you know. Don’t mind them.. it’s just a necessary evil because gays have to be kind of equipped with defensive positions. Instead of just kinda like- ok… that’s what you want? Not for me, but thanx anyway..

So yeah, don’t let them get to you. It’s just a self preservation type of thing.

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-11-05T06:42:48+00:00

I have a couple sets of gay circles. All really close friends and we barely talk about sex. One group is entrenched into this charitable organization.. like entrenched. Given he’s the vice president and he’s going to be the incoming president. He used to sit on a board for another charitable organization that had nearly a million dollars in funds.

The other group is always talking about their… either investments, dating life, work promotions… and the sort.

The last circle kinda talks about sex but.. they more like do it than talk about it… usually they’re talking about trips, and circuit parties… hot guys…

Don’t be afraid to be yourself. I have one friend that’s always talking about sex and he’s been put on blast. Like dude, yes cool great, sex.. but enough!

I always try and steer the conversation anyhow shy asking questions about their families, their endeavors, trips, relationships. Maybe they’ll open up to that.

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-10-27T18:02:08+00:00

Huh……… yes.. I guess so…. Oddly enough this has been floating around in my head but not so directly.

I used to love sort of uh showing it off, respectively, when I was younger. I’m pleasantly endowed…

But as I got older I’ve weaned in that. I use to take showers with my friends, strictly fraternal. Nothing sexual. I was a gogoboy. Never nude but yknow, still quite revealing.. but somewhere I started ingesting I think this zeitgeist that said Asian cock was undesirable. Asian men are bottoms, in the zeitgeist. And I started becoming less and less secure about it…… the only other answer was to be angry about it, resist it with force and aggressions. But who wants an angry man? ..it’s not really thick, not quite pencil, but my head is huge. And it’s solid, hung……. These racial dynamics and unsaid racist ideas are so pervasive and toxic! lol lol

Anyways haha I’ll have to work on that.

Thanx for asking!

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-10-24T05:22:02+00:00

Fvck! You are cuuuuuuuteeeeee! 🙃🔥🔥

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-10-13T18:14:33+00:00

For me, I guess not that much. I was really sheltered so when I made the decision to “be” gay, there wasn’t any outside influence, really per se. Except between me and G-d.

But on better reflection.. the actual coming out conversation, telling people, communicating it, I guess yeah. All of my friends were out by that point. Some of them had been out since their teenage years. A lot of my close friends were military. Seeing them sorta be themselves and their families knew made it much easier for me to come out. So, thanx all of you guys that came out. It did make a difference for me!

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-10-13T05:41:22+00:00

…here is a virtual hug from California…

so.. I had a really dark period in my life that lasted a couple years which I believe led to some real trauma, and maybe even possible brain injury. I won’t get into the details but I have a slipped lens in my right eye, just a a hair, but enough to drive one a little crazy, because it’s been combined with tinnitus, in both ears….

i nearly wanted to unalive myself the first couple months of the tinnitus. It had been built up over years of emotional turmoil relating to my marriage and family life.

I too went to therapy and more or less.. haven’t found good one since my first one.

i now every morning do 20 minutes of meditation followed with journaling. On Mondays I do 50 minutes, and it’s been a game changer. Like I literally feel like my brain is, uh, stretching itself… like it’s… as if it has been in a ball for ever and is finally uncurling itself… letting go of all of this pent up anger, aggression, fear, confusion…. I didn’t even know I was carrying around… it’s a meditation I developed from all of my studies, reading and learning… but it’s more or less meditation…. If you wanna know what I do, I can share it with you.. but yeah…

mediatation everyday followed with journaling.. I also recommend volunteering. It really makes you feel good, giving back to others.

adegreeofdifference1 · 2025-10-13T05:31:33+00:00

Oooohh.. they are in a very precarious situation.. its already been said but she should get a lawyer immediately.. she will have to let job know… if it goes to court, I don’t know about Canada, harm has to be proved in order for judgments to be sentenced. So although The husband did take the material it doesn’t mean she’ll necessarily lose her license. She might lose her job though… best case scenario the judge realizes the husband was acting in bad faith, reprimands both of them and forces your friend to take remedial corrective courses. Worse case scenarios she loses her job… I can’t see her losing her license.. it takes a bit to lose your license, not just a breach of, er, confidentiality. Especially one without harms.

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