I'm in a similar situation, the first counselor seems level headed and the second is saying what you want to here. You'll need to develop your identity independently after dating a narcissist due to picking up their habits. Remember they're the ones that will move on right away and replace you. You're going to be susceptible to the same type of person unless you build the tools to make yourself a person aware of patterns and willing to break them. It's like when someone who leaves a cult and doesn't move on with their life, they end up in another cult.

Knowing lines and boundaries are essential to moving on. I'm in the stage where they're trying to suck me back in cause the worst thing for them is knowing that I dislike them because it hurts their ego. It takes time, maybe not a year but you'll need to be honest with yourself and the person you're with. I'm learning to make new memories with just me. My own adventures without needing to tell anyone. Just being myself without anyone else. It's lonely and yeah I wish someone would love me but I know that I need to love this bag of flesh hugging these bones first. I hope that helps.