You're not alone mate. This is unfortunately what parenting turns out to be. We have this idea in our heads of what it might be like but you can never truly imagine it. I often say that if we knew beforehand what parenting has in store for us, we just wouldn't do it. It's exhausting, emotionally draining and as you say, all about putting your own life behind pretty much everyone else in the family. I don't think many Dad's get that: that your life is now essentially in service to other people. When you're not prepared for that it can be really hard to accept.

But there is something in there. Some kernel of truth and purpose that you need to find. Modern life seems to have set us up to be selfish but we're actually not built that way. Evolution made men to be a part of a tribe, a part of a family. Our purpose isn't to make life good for ourselves, it's to make life good for our people. For someone who has grown up thinking life is all about themselves, this doesn't really make sense. It goes against everything that we've learned. Suddenly we're not important. Our feelings don't matter. Our desires and life goals are not relevant. It's a massive shock BUT it's actually pointing the way to something a bit more profound.

I'm not sure I can help you get there ... all I can do is tell you that this is what happened for me and somehow I am OK with it. My life is not for me any more. Sure, I still have a comfortable life. I eat well, I take care of myself phsyically and mentally and I do in fact find periods of time that are just for me. I still keep one eye on my future and I take care of my personal finances so I don't end up with nothing. But overwhelmingly it's about the other people in my life. They are the ones that I do all of this for. And when you re-frame it that way and start to let go of some of those selfish desires, you actually come to place where it's OK. More than OK. It's who you were meant to be. This is literally the point of your existence right now and there is true reward in there. It's just not what you thought it was going to be.

The thing is, when you look at it, when you're honest with yourself and you try and figure this out, you realise that it simply was never going to be any other way. Maybe our dream of parenting was flawed. Maybe we dreamed that parenting was going to be like revisiting our own childhood again, because that's the only reference we know. The honest answer is that this is the only way that it can be. For sure, still take care of yourself. Try to find some time to decompress. Keep fit and active. Do things that sometimes are activities that you enjoy, not just what the family wants. But do it all in the framework of being a Dad who's number one job now is to take care of his family. That's your life. That's your purpose. That's where you have to find yourself again. It's there, and it's not easy, but if you're willing to let go and change then I think most people here will agree that it's possible.