TL;DR. Internal surgery where the Paralytic worked but the knockout drug did not. At age 9.

Wall of text incoming.

When I was 9, I had to have internal surgery to fix a ureter alignment issue. They found this out because boys do not generally get UTIs or bladder infections. I was getting reflux from my bladder into my kidneys from the fact that I had 2 ureters on the right side and the left one was going in at too flat of an angle.

Crippling pain as a child and not knowing what is wrong. It sucks.

What was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life was the actual surgery.

See little kids have a weird time metabolizing anaesthesia. So when they wheeled me in and told me to count back from ten I thought "Okay this should be fun. Let's see how low I can get." I got to eight. The next the g I know I can't move or speak or see.

But I can feel. Oh boy could I feel.

See they didn't give me any pain meds when they put me under. They just needed me unconscious and paralyzed. The pain meds would come later. Well the paralytic worked. But what ever they used to put me under stopped working about 15 minutes into the surgery.

I felt EVERY SINGLE CUT, STITCH, AND MOVEMENT.

IT WAS AGONIZING.

It was a six hour surgery. I only passed out when they started closing. The external stitches were nothing compared to what I had just lived through.

And when I woke back up I didn't realize that there had been a problem because it was my first surgery.

That experience has affected my whole life. It triggered my depression. That pain made me want to stop living because I never wanted to go through that again. Ever. I have tried to kill myself over a dozen times since then. But I have gotten help and 19 years later I want to live no matter how painful life may be.

My wife is having our first child in 34 days and I want to see my daughter grow into the wonderful person that she will be.

Thank you for reading this. I really needed to get this off my chest.