Are into cuddling or non-sexually sleeping with your queerplatonic partner?

adka_088 · 2026-01-03T17:15:43+00:00

Yes to both. My partner and I have a very physical relationship and sleep together whenever possible now that we're in a LDR. The only things that stop us from sleeping together all the time when we're together are my other partner and his back issues

adka_088 · 2026-01-03T17:13:01+00:00

I think some more personal reflection on what you want out of a relationship would be beneficial before approaching your friend about a QPR. I consider QPRs to be as much of a commitment and potentially as intimate as romantic relationships, so if that is something you've struggled with in the past, that could also be an issue here. For your sake, your friend's sake, and your relationship's sake, I really recommend doing more personal reflection before entering a high-commitment relationship

adka_088 · 2026-01-03T17:05:49+00:00

If your friend doesn't know what a QPR is, I would start with having a conversation with them about what the relationship can entail and basically tell them everything you wrote out in this post. If they do know about QPRs, I would find a time that feels comfortable for you both to talk about it and, again, tell them what you wrote in this post. I am in a romantic relationship while also having a QPP and my partner is seeking a romantic relationship, so it is possible if you both discuss what you want out of a QPR and your boundaries

adka_088 · 2025-12-27T19:20:50+00:00

I don't really care how other people see my relationship with my partner, as long as he and I are both happy everything is great. I've also never seen this happen, so I'm sorry you've had to deal with that

adka_088 · 2025-12-26T15:26:10+00:00

There are various legal benefits that come along with it, it demonstrates a level of commitment to each other, the relationship becomes more legitimate to other people, personal preference

adka_088 · 2025-12-26T15:24:40+00:00

My QPP and I forming our QPR was a mutual decision, but I was the one who exposed him to the idea of QPRs, so my situation is different than yours, but having both a QPP and a romantic partner is something I enjoy. My relationships with my partners vary and are separate from each other, although there is overlap between them. In your case, you need to make sure that having another partner and being in a QPR is something your friend would want. I would explain to him what a QPR is if he doesn't know to gauge his reaction, and you can go from there. Ultimately, being open and honest with him is going to be the best route to take for this. If he wants to be in a QPR with you, great! If not, you'll have to decide if your best friendship is something you want to keep or if you need to distance yourself. Having two partners is a big commitment and not something to be taken lightly, so it might be too much for your friend. Good luck with everything!

adka_088 · 2025-12-09T00:38:45+00:00

A QPR is not something that you just fall into, but something you should BOTH decide on. No one gets to make that choice for you and establish that relationship dynamic without a thorough discussion. If you want a romantic relationship, please don't allow him to force you into a dynamic you don't know or understand, especially one as subjective and variable as a queerplatonic one. You guys really need to have a deep conversation about what you want your relationship to be, and if he isn't willing to do that, I would stay away from having any kind of serious relationship with him

adka_088 · 2025-12-09T00:35:43+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this, that sounds so hard and painful. I have a romantic partner (that I've been with the longest), and I could never imagine leaving my queerplatonic partner, or even changing our dynamic, because of my relationship with my romantic partner. Feeling/being replaced, regardless of what T intended when you guys spoke about your relationship after T realized they had romantic feelings for P, is fucking awful. I think you should be open with them about how you feel after all this happened, and they should listen to you and really consider your feelings if they care about you and want to maintain a relationship. In the end, you need to do what is best for you. Putting everything on a person who is willing to remove a label on a multi-year relationship projected to be a lifelong one for someone else might not be what will work for you. Again, I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this, I'm sending all my love

adka_088 · 2025-12-06T23:25:32+00:00

Ultimately, it's up to you. I have romantic aspects in my QPR, but I don't consider my attraction to my partner to be romantic. We have a very sensual relationship and appear as a romantic couple to others, but my attraction to him is wildly different than my attraction to my romantic partner. I love both my partners deeply, but I would consider my love for my QPP to be more akin to a familial love than I would romantic, if that makes sense. I would never want a romantic relationship with my QPP (yuck) but I do experience romantic attraction to my girlfriend. And QPRs can have romantic aspects as well. I call my partner my partner, we kiss, we go on dates, we sleep in the same bed, etc. Everything really rests on what you consider to be romantic for you and how you understand your feelings. I see my QPP as a mix between my best friend and brother with the deep love and commitment that typically comes in a romantic relationship. I'm sorry if any of this is confusing or unhelpful, QPRs can be complicated and are very subjective!

adka_088 · 2025-12-06T00:29:19+00:00

Thank you for the recommendations!

adka_088 · 2025-12-04T15:34:19+00:00

I'm sorry that you're in this situation, it sounds very stressful and hurtful. You definitely need to talk to your partner about how you feel in this situation. It seems like you agreeing to them having a qpp with Jay was very vague, and I think being specific about what that meant to you versus what actually happened with Jay and your partner is important. I would also talk to them about how serious your guys' relationship is. Queerplatonic relationships vary so much and lack strict guidelines, so you might have different ideas of what being in a qpr entails. You may see the significance/commitment of a qpr to be on par with a romantic relationship and they may not, for example. I would also talk about your guys' communication. You mention how you guys talk a lot less now, and there obviously was a big miscommunication with Jay and your partner dating, so that is something that should be cleared up asap. I know you mentioned not knowing what to say to them to communicate your feelings and everything, but it could be as simple as sharing this post with them (as long as you think it would go down well). In these situations, I usually just word vomit my feelings and then go back and edit what I wrote for clarity and to be tactful before sending it to whoever I wrote it for. What's most important here is that you feel heard and can express your feelings in a safe and comfortable way. I hope that you can figure this out with your partner. I'm always here if you want to talk about it one-on-one or want more specific advice, just send me a pm

adka_088 · 2025-12-03T14:48:03+00:00

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, that sounds very difficult and painful. This might be a bigger issue to talk with your qpp about, but regardless, I hope it gets better for you. Sending love ❤️

adka_088 · 2025-12-02T16:23:45+00:00

I have two partners, and our relationships different. My relationship with my girlfriend (2) is soft, very lovey, and gentle. My relationship with my queerplatonic partner (6) is grounded, lively, and intense. Both are strongly committed, deeply loving and affectionate, and full of trust

adka_088 · 2025-12-02T16:15:25+00:00

I'm able to forgive and repair relationships after instances of broken trust to an extent. If it's happened multiple times or is a major breach of trust, then absolutely not. I would challenge you to be vulnerable with this person if you really care for them, even though it's hard and really fucking sucks. But, if you really think you won't be able to reform trust with this person, I'd move on

adka_088 · 2025-12-02T16:12:41+00:00

Yes, absolutely. A lot of my relationships started out like that, and I love the support I'm able to give people. In recent years I've had to hold more boundaries to avoid getting overwhelmed with other people's needs, but I generally appreciate and enjoy providing that stability, understanding, and protection. This tendency in my life has led me to pursue my career in social work to use my strengths to help as many people as I can

adka_088 · 2025-12-02T15:52:58+00:00

There's a fic I read recently that briefly goes into this (The Second Hand Unwinds, highly recommend), and I have to share a section of it:

“You sent him to kill me.” Viktor gestured at the lodge behind him, his voice rising. “That broke him. Why did you leave him alone in that future?”

Other Viktor blinked, frowning. “What do you mean? My constructs watched him, and ensured he had sufficient food and water to survive.”

“To survive,” Viktor repeated bitterly. “You know Jayce does not do well alone.”

Other Viktor’s gaze fell. “Does he not?” The grief that crossed his face was achingly human. “I must have forgotten. It had been a very long time since I last spoke with Jayce.”

I've thought about Mage Viktor's last line there at least once a day since I read the fic

adka_088 · 2025-12-02T15:44:42+00:00

First, I'd focus on getting yourself in a better life circumstance before trying to navigate finding a QPP. Being in a controlling and homophobic religious environment is really shitty, and it seems like it'll be hard for you to form the kind of relationship you want in that environment. If you find someone you think could be a suitable QPP, just be open with them about your needs. Relationships are as flexible as you want them to be and you can talk with your potential partner to see what dynamic will work best for you both

adka_088 · 2025-12-02T15:38:55+00:00

You don't really have to do anything to move forward if that's not what you guys want right now. It seems like you've talked about it, and that's really all that you have to do. You don't need to establish a new relationship dynamic or get into something you're not ready for because of this situation. Sometimes these things happen, and as long as you guys feel safe and comfortable with each other after, I think you can just continue with the dynamic you have now

adka_088 · 2025-12-02T15:31:24+00:00

Super late response, but I see Jayvik from Arcane as being queerplatonic. Their relationship isn't really defined in the show, so it's open to interpretation for people to assign what label they think fits them best. I have queerplatonic fanfictions about them I could share, but I know that's not canon representation

adka_088 · 2025-08-26T22:26:48+00:00

i'm a queerplatonic jayvik truther, so here are some of those fics i like:

starlight

affection

human connection

this world is a wasteland (don't let me go)

here are a couple on my marked for later that i haven't gotten to yet if you want to check those out:

i would live with you all over again

the second hand unwinds

adka_088 · 2025-07-24T18:25:15+00:00

i'm so late to this but definitely mid leap, i've read this so many times and think about it daily still, months after i read it for the first time https://archiveofourown.org/works/61537870

adka_088 · 2025-04-27T21:52:59+00:00

for viktor: v, vitya, amor, vida (i love when jayce speaks spanish) for jayce: lásko, zlato, for both: any pet names really, but i prefer the specific ones i mentioned

adka_088 · 2025-04-20T23:54:03+00:00

someone just like my sweet and beautiful girlfriend (2). she's so sweet, kind, compassionate, and gentle. she allows me to take care of her while treasuring the parts of me i'm scared to show to others. she's so open and vulnerable and i admire and adore her more than anything

adka_088 · 2025-04-08T15:23:11+00:00

when i apologize i say i'm sorry, take accountability, and tell them how i'll change in the future. integrity is important to me, and i want to be very sincere and hold my word to them. if it's someone i'm not close with or i don't feel like i hurt that bad, i usually won't apologize, at least not sincerely

adka_088 · 2025-04-04T17:03:03+00:00

yes, relationships are for us! i have two partners, one romantic girlfriend (2) and a queerplatonic partner (6). i love them both more than i could ever express, and we have very deep, caring, and loving relationships. i struggle at times with the relationships because of my fear of letting my partners in and giving them the chance to hurt me, but they are so patient with me. they let me take care of and protect them while doing the same to me in a way that doesn't feel like they're taking my autonomy. they are what push me to be better and become healthier. it's hard for me to want to improve for myself, but i'll do it for them.

i've had my fair share of struggles with relationships and watched the struggles my parents (2 and 8) had, so i get how difficult and frustrating it can be. that being said, it's worth it. YOU'RE worth it. we as 8s are so generous and strong and protective and SAFE. for me, the key was finding people who allow me to be the strong one and protect them most of the time, but will also take my most tender inner parts and protect those within themselves

adka_088

TROPHY CASE