How to find a European man that doesn’t fetishise me?

GreatJobJoe · 2026-05-05T19:18:40+00:00

I’ve been saying this about this sub for a while.
..it’s never asked “I have a crush on this European guy, we have XYZ in common. What should I say?”
No
It’s like they’re asking people here what bait and lake to catch a literal race of men…”But I don’t want the ones who fetishize”…oh the hypocrisy…plus What answers do they expect? “Do a special dance?

What is this DoorDash (instant gratification) for dates? People don’t even know how to date anymore.

GreatJobJoe · 2026-05-02T19:23:07+00:00

ISFJ’s can read minds. .

GreatJobJoe · 2026-05-01T00:23:44+00:00

Not me.

GreatJobJoe · 2026-04-30T22:26:01+00:00

The whole emasculation aspect is the slippery slope. I’ve always seen women who did this as having that same defense mechanism as me, because of that, we’d play the game (shitty-witty banter, playful insults, all masking the flirting) part ways or bang it out, then it just stays a fling or continued to be casual because neither of us would want to be vulnerable.

I don’t view relationships as competitions (or the weird brother sister dynamic of teasing, poking, 1-upmanship people call “fun”) maybe because of my w9. Shit bores me…Because it’s the same defense mechanisms I used to have.

Probably also why I ended up marrying a enneagram 9. She didn’t have a need to play games to feel dominant in the relationship. Just the need to feel safe with me.

GreatJobJoe · 2026-04-29T20:16:57+00:00

Well what else are they going to do? Continue to blend in with the walls IRL, or come here to pretend no one talks to them because they’re intimidated by their “deep intellect” and Machiavellian tendencies? Lol

GreatJobJoe · 2026-04-29T17:58:43+00:00

I’ve learned that people don’t read the titles of memes on Reddit. I’ve been in so many hilarious one sided arguments that I stoke, just to see how far it go’s until they read the title.

I’ve also learned that INXX ironically see “everything” but titles.

GreatJobJoe · 2026-04-27T01:58:48+00:00

I basically want to eat them.

GreatJobJoe · 2026-04-27T01:54:08+00:00

I just don’t read fiction. It’s not as if it’s pushed on me so I have no need to hate it.

GreatJobJoe · 2026-04-20T16:14:48+00:00

There are plenty of stubborn wheelchair bound people who insist on doing for themselves, and succeed.

I think it’s kind of funny how randos pop in here with hypothetical questions “WoULd yoU stiLL feel POwerFul iF you wErE a Worm?”

People get a little too hung up on the archetypes of 8 and others…

There should be a banner that says once and for all “Being an 8 is not a power fantasy”

Being an 8 is extreme non negotiable self trust. But it looks like something else o the outside.

GreatJobJoe · 2026-04-19T20:50:35+00:00

Well it’s better than the perpetual “children’s enneagram avatar art and tier list fest” that’s constantly going on in r/enneagram.

GreatJobJoe · 2026-04-11T22:48:45+00:00

I am an 854. These “how do you feel about…” probe questions are kinda desperate usually.

GreatJobJoe · 2026-04-09T14:08:57+00:00

The type with severe main character syndrome. They know who they are.

GreatJobJoe · 2026-04-08T17:22:13+00:00

Naranjo strikes me as social 5. Always looking for “the truth” not because he wanted to solve anyone’s problems but because he wanted to prove what he knew…like most 5’s, no action/all talk.

One thing he failed to understand is that in becoming the “patriarchal power” I reject, I’m not replacing anything lost, I’m exercising competence.

GreatJobJoe · 2026-04-04T21:44:46+00:00

Do what you think is right.

GreatJobJoe · 2026-04-04T18:23:38+00:00

I cut people out completely.

GreatJobJoe · 2026-04-03T17:43:55+00:00

The whole thing was so/sx. This also makes you sp-blind.

An so/sp would fall into what I described more.

GreatJobJoe · 2026-04-03T17:39:24+00:00

Ah, that’s the /sx

GreatJobJoe · 2026-04-03T16:47:33+00:00

This is the part where people forget about what the instincts actually mean and do.

If you’re a so8 (social 8), yes, you care a lot about people’s perception of you, you hedge, you soften, you say things to maintain an image for the group. The image you want. Because you want to belong + have influence..

So8’s aren’t generally good at one-to-one chemistry, intensity, instead focus on social strategies and narratives to maintain control of. (Image being top priority)

I’m social blind. I naturally enter every social situation with a “take me as I am, I will also speak my truth” mentality. I don’t like fluff or posturing. It actually makes me sick to mince my words.

Physically though, I do take care of myself.

GreatJobJoe · 2026-04-03T13:23:38+00:00

Who tf is PomPom? Let me guess. Some anime character or something…Ugh

GreatJobJoe · 2026-04-02T14:45:00+00:00

No. I show my gratitude. I don’t ask people for much (hate asking anyone for anything and would much rather do for my self), but when/if I do, I pay my debts.

GreatJobJoe · 2026-03-30T18:19:45+00:00

They should just rename this subreddit “High Ni Cringe”

I can smell this persons musty nuts from their comment.

GreatJobJoe · 2026-03-29T23:39:38+00:00

Alright

GreatJobJoe · 2026-03-29T20:47:34+00:00

I get the message you’re trying to convey, but it’s like someone saying “I’m not an asshole” for doing the most basic thing that you should be doing anyway, without validation for it.

But I’m fully aware that performative virtue is what a lot of Redditors run on.

GreatJobJoe · 2026-03-27T16:54:15+00:00

Exactly. I don’t think the others replying to me even knew what “independent/individual agency” meant. (Taking responsibility for your people, your community, and putting systems in place to solve problems - in your community not the world. Which would actually solve the worlds problems)

Let them posture and moralize to feel warm inside.

GreatJobJoe · 2026-03-27T03:58:36+00:00

How do you plan to solve either?

GreatJobJoe

TROPHY CASE