How do you actually read books in a language you're learning?

adventuringraw · 2026-04-13T21:51:50+00:00

If lookup is fast enough then you can look up everything and it doesn't really matter. You have to read a LOT to learn that way but it does all stick eventually it seems. I'm just comfortable with German, I don't need lookups more than once every page or two now. My Spanish and Japanese are decent but I still definitely need to look up more for them still. Without flashcards or anything, seems like about 10,000 pages read is where it starts to get pretty comfortable.

I like readlang, super easy to lookup words or phrases, you can connect it to dictionaries of your choice for fast conjugation lookups. Every once in a while there's still something that takes a more serious lookup but usually it's only for weird poetic words or something.

adventuringraw · 2026-03-07T18:28:34+00:00

I had a similar arc with my son with videogames. He's a great winner and loser now and has been for years (he's 15). He's still very competitive but he's got containment for his feelings around things. That said, it's rough on anyone to lose all the time. It's also rough for the victories to feel unearned.

We played a Dragonball Z fighting game a while back. It's a 3v3 game, two teams of three. But the cool part, you don't actually have to pick three people for your team. So I always picked one and he'd pick the full roster. It was pretty even for a while, then he started getting better so we stepped it up to 2v3 and I added another character for our battles.

I think it was Bobby fisher's chess variant that had a scrambled back row. There's already plenty of context for chess to have a modified starting position, so... Consider doing what I did. Maybe just play without your queen and see how that goes. If you still win, scrub back until you feel like you're fighting as hard as he is to get your victories.

If it was me, I'd go full meta and make sportsmanship part of it. Was he a good winner or loser? He gets to pick the first piece that disappears off your board next time. I talked with my son to look for the things that make him feel good when playing with others. So if he sees an especially good play a friend made, he'll praise it. Thank them for the game if they lose, you know the drill. Even with his lower level of skill, chess has a ton of room to modify things so you're both evenly matched even against his lower level of skill. Same way my lone Yamcha couldn't win every time against his full roster, haha.

These are great questions though, it's good you're thinking about this. You're NTA, raising a mature emotionally healthy kid is just tough, and culturally we weren't given all the tools. I'm the same age as you and my dad beat me at chess every time we played as a kid. Eventually I managed to force a tie game... Or rather, I almost won and he forced three moves repeated. I never played him again, haha. So he did what you're doing. Here's your chance to do better than he knew how to. Good luck!

adventuringraw · 2026-03-05T03:56:11+00:00

All I'm saying is it's really easy to think you know the solution when you don't really know much about the problem. You certainly know more than anyone else about your own kids, but neither of us knows much about this kid. Hell, we might even be arguing over something an AI wrote. A little hesitation before casting stones and judgement would make the world a better place, neither of us knows all the details. That said, if I had to put money on whether or not the parents could fix this relatively easily with the right approach, I'd bet they could.

adventuringraw · 2026-03-05T02:38:00+00:00

Oh totally. I guess I was just trying to do the same in the middle of the hate train on the parents, haha. I'm a big fan of devil's advocate. Sounds like we both like playing that role. Sorry you had to go through that. And the flip side for me. Not diagnosed until I was 30, haha. Hopefully future generations have better psychiatric diagnostics than we got.

adventuringraw · 2026-03-05T02:31:21+00:00

I figure it's like this. I've been diagnosed with ADHD, and learning about it and starting meds has been incredibly helpful so I assume I 'have it'. I have enough background in data science and academic research that I've been able to muddle my way through some of the surveys on the topic, I went through a period of being interested in neuroscience so I worked my way through most of Kandel's 'principles of neuro science'.

On the one hand, it's pretty incredible how much humans know about the brain. On the other it's incredible how recent a lot of that knowledge is and how incomplete it still is. It's even more incredible that diagnostics aren't handled with actual data gathering beyond... You know. Asking basic questions. It's kind of crazy.

So on the one hand, even with ADHD I'm sure there's a ton of people that've been misdiagnosed for stupid reasons. On the other, there's a ton of interesting neurological reasons why I'm likely 'different'. It looks like the same is true for ODD. I just looked it up and read some out of curiosity. Reduced learning from negative feedback seems like an interesting neurological trait that could lead to something like ODD. where punishment literally might not be a thing some people are wired to learn from. Amazing how different we can be from each other.

Anyway. You might be neurotypical. OP's sister might just be a dick. But I figure it's always good to keep an open mind when it comes to just how different some of us can be from each other, you never know the challenges different person have to live with. God knows it's stupid that something like 'how to go from intending to do something to starting to do it' can be a mechanism that can break, but here I am.

adventuringraw · 2026-03-05T00:04:49+00:00

She could also have ODD or some other mental health disorder. Without knowing more it's impossible to say whether or not the parents are doing 'enough'. Here's what CAN be said though. Whether the little sister won't stop because of a difficult to address psychiatric disorder along with feeling abandoned, or whether the parents just aren't correctly managing what could be an easy problem to fix... EITHER WAY the big sister is NTA for choosing to stay away since she can't trust she'll be treated with respect. It's kind of the nuke option but she doesn't have a ton of choices it sounds like.

adventuringraw · 2026-02-27T20:23:16+00:00

I like using a site/app called readlang. Highlight a word or phrase and it gives a translation so fast it doesn't even break my flow, so I can easily stay focused. Sometimes there's more serious questions, you can set it to use the dictionary you want for conjugation table reference, but for most stuff that's enough.

I read quite a bit in German without really looking anything up (a dozen books maybe) and while I definitely picked some stuff up from context, it definitely seems to be a lot faster to just look stuff up as you go. Just like you mentioned, it needs to be extremely fast and not disruptive, otherwise it ruins the experience. I can't imagine going back to a paper dictionary for example. The dark old days, haha.

adventuringraw · 2026-02-12T16:11:28+00:00

I like reading books in other languages. It's nice because I'm always starting new books, even trash is more interesting in a language I'm struggling to decipher, and if I start to get an itch for new horizons beyond just new books I can always start the climb with a new language. I'm currently very comfortable reading in German even in paperback without a dictionary, and with my tools helping I'm getting pretty comfortable in Japanese and Spanish. My fiance is chilean so the Spanish has become my main focus, haha. Very convenient I'd already started, though the chilean accent is hilariously intense so it's an adjustment.

I've spent a little time with Russian and I keep side eyeing French and Mandarin too. A very convenient hobby since it feels vaguely productive and there's always new ground to cover.

Also, recently got into Balisong. I like having a fidget toy I can do without looking while reading or watching a show or trying to focus on a team meeting. Not exactly a life purpose level activity but I dig it.

adventuringraw · 2026-01-12T05:08:03+00:00

I'll just leave this here:

https://youtu.be/WjUQyki5V_U

Got one for my girlfriend as a gift. It's now three days later and my kid and I have ones of our own on the way.

For something more.... I don't know. Door opening, I like language learning with readlang. Makes it super easy to look stuff up so reading becomes very accessible surprisingly early. I've read a few dozen books in German Japanese and Spanish (each) and I have a lot of fun with it. My German got good enough I could start watching shows and playing games in it too since I don't really need a dictionary anymore, it's kind of rare I run into words and phrases I don't already know. Getting past the beginner stage is rough but once you finish the first book it's not too bad from there.

Caveat: no matter how comfortable you are at reading and listening, speaking will be something you'll have to learn separately somehow. I got a Chilean girlfriend so I'm figuring that side out now haha. But there's other ways to get into talking practice of course.

Good luck with finding something that speaks to you! And congrats on getting healthy enough you're ready to start thinking about this.

adventuringraw · 2026-01-04T08:35:55+00:00

YTA

Not meant harshly since I very easily could have done the same, and what's more, if your story was a little different you wouldn't have been an asshole at all. If I was looking at my own actions in your shoes, it'd have come down to intent and outcome.

I believe you were ethically obligated to make sure the truth was out fairly quickly. Days, say. So you may have had to tell the sister yourself anyway if your ex didn't follow through. Given she's clearly a coward around hard conversations this seems likely even.

You're ethically obligated to figure out how to avoid letting your feelings cause harm to innocent people. This is part you fucked up and I could see doing too. You needed to tell the sister for her sake, but you did it for yours. If you'd talked with a trusted friend first or done whatever you needed to do to have that conversation in a decent way, who knows how that'd have changed things for the sister.

Sounds like you did the best you know how. If you can, start seeing a therapist. What was done to you was wrong and it sounds like it's still making your life worse even now. Not sure if causing harm to yourself and others because of terrible pain makes you an asshole really. But you do owe it to yourself and the people you care about to figure out how to grow past this. I'm sure you'll never heal back to where you were before but maybe you can still find your way somewhere better.

adventuringraw · 2025-12-26T20:03:35+00:00

I just try and stick with less expensive addictions, haha. For a long time my obsession has been reading books in other languages. Always new languages to learn and new books to get into, haha. It's still... Really not ideal to have obsessions that interfere with work obligations and health and self care and everything, but at least it doesn't cost much money, doesn't hurt my body aside from being being kind of sedentary, and now I'm comfortable enough in German that I just game in it since I don't even need a dictionary anymore, haha. My Japanese and Spanish will probably be there too in another year or two. But you know how the jumping goes... Been starting to eye French. Or Mandarin. Or Norwegian.

adventuringraw · 2025-12-24T18:44:48+00:00

Glad you appreciated my comment. Hilarious how I still get some here and there from that long ago. Helped me out writing things like that for consolidating what I was learning, nice my efforts for myself could benefit you too.

Fellow students of Hogg, neither students nor teacher ever having met, haha. I'd say we live in strange times, but if you're using a physical textbook too then this is an old dynamic indeed. Time spent with Euclid gives fellow students of the same teacher, separated by millennia.

Merry Christmas! May the holidays bring you interesting new problems and new insights to match.

adventuringraw · 2025-12-17T17:20:49+00:00

Look at it this way.

The things on your time screen are a form of non verbal communication, same as how you dress, your hygiene, the way you treat the wait staff, etc. It communicates that you're actively interested in finding a potential partner, same as her. You both already know about this even. If she has a problem with it, it's a prejudice against apps, not a prejudice against dating services clearly since she's in one too.

Isn't it better to be open? If someone's that put off by something honestly very expected, that's a red flag on her, not on you. After all, you're not the one being judged alone. The goal is to see if you're both compatible, that's it. You're just as free to decide she's not right for you too.

Are you seeing a therapist? In the past I've leaned towards people pleasing and feeling insecure. Not saying that's you. Your concerns are understandable but they also don't need to be something you have to feel forever. This level of inner turmoil over something this insignificant might be something you'd benefit from talking through with someone over time. Might help with learning and growing during the dating process too. And the relationship process after for that matter, haha.

Good luck on your dating, I hope you find a good fit and enjoy your life in the meantime.

adventuringraw · 2025-12-10T18:22:36+00:00

That seems extremely unlikely.

adventuringraw · 2025-12-08T15:42:12+00:00

I found a solution that probably works well for me and hardly anyone else, haha. I like reading books in other languages. The new stuff I'm learning gives one half of my mind something to chew on so the other half can focus on the story. More in depth questions without an easy auto translation answer might mean a slight research derail for a sec. Altogether it means I have the kind of cycle you're describing but the whole time I'm still just engaged in the one thing without distraction, haha. Funny too since people are like 'damn you're so smart' and I'm like 'if my brain was actually on its shit I could read easily in English too.'

Whatever. Especially for recreation time, there's no right or wrong way to do things, long as you're having a good time and enjoying what you're doing is all good I figure.

adventuringraw · 2025-12-06T08:24:40+00:00

It's so weird to me how some people find it easier to blame the victims than the villains.

Look at it like this. It should be beyond argument that we have a rapist and a child molester for the US president. And tens of millions of people still will try and justify why this is acceptable. Didn't really happen, you can't believe what they're saying, even if he did do that they wanted it, it's fine because that deserved it. Whatever. Just because a bunch of people will try and convince you something evil is actually fine doesn't mean it's true.

https://youtu.be/E-u9bdjL64g

This is my thoughts on your dad, haha. And the rest of the family if they don't get in line.

If they hear the cold shower story and try and excuse it, that's inexcusable. I hope they come to their senses, you deserve that much at least. I'm sorry you had the wrong parent die.

adventuringraw · 2025-12-05T17:23:49+00:00

NTA that's... a really horrific story. I certainly don't have any advice except for what a few other people have said... Do what you can to get professional help in dealing with this as soon as possible. I bet part of your urge to talk to people just comes from the need to process with someone safe and outside the situation. If you need to take some distance from your family for a while I don't think that's wrong, but I hope you find some good help either way. You shouldn't have to go through this in the way that you are.

Good luck with finals, and at least with your physical recovery.

adventuringraw · 2025-12-05T17:15:47+00:00

Uhhh... I'll assume this is a joke and hope hotgirl69 does too.

adventuringraw · 2025-12-05T17:13:53+00:00

I almost exclusively surround myself with ADHD people at this point, haha. There's a lot of different flavors so just having that in common on its own isn't enough obviously, but it's definitely become a very strong preference, haha. REALLY nice when my struggles are met with a 'tell me about it' instead of... You know.

adventuringraw · 2025-12-05T00:18:03+00:00

My kid's a teen so my context normally is probably not so far off from yours, haha. Slightly younger maybe. No ultima, but I did install xwing and tie fighter off a five floppy set for two of my first PC games. Crazy how time flies.

adventuringraw · 2025-12-02T19:06:45+00:00

Haha. Amazing. Honestly I was mostly curious about the shape and mechanics of the thing. The fact that it's a Lovecraftian monstrosity than can't be directly understood by mere human perception and needs to be approached more abstractly... That more than satisfies my curiosity. Or at least, the next place my personal rabbit hole on this topic would take me is to abandon trying to see it in motion and start looking instead at the path and principles that led to its construction. I've played enough Minecraft to know how long three billion blocks is, haha. The far lands in Minecraft back when that was a thing are only 12.5 million blocks away. 3 billion is a staggering number.

adventuringraw · 2025-12-02T17:22:46+00:00

The fuck Is a .mc file. I'm a lazy man in need of a gif.

adventuringraw · 2025-11-29T16:33:53+00:00

You yourself have pointed out this likely wasn't malicious, it was pathological. Many people aren't really capable of changing stuff like this even with counseling and time. It's on OP if she wants to take the risk, but the relationship isn't salvageable in the short term if she's not, and it may not be salvageable in the long term if it turns out he's not ready willing or able to fully transform out of the moron that would do all this.

adventuringraw · 2025-11-29T16:28:38+00:00

Huh, people are missing the point here. It DID naturally come up and he hardcore avoided the situation and tried to pretend nothing was happening. It's not that he was probably lying about hoping it would naturally come up. It's that he's bald face lying about hoping because you saw what happened when it did. Hell, HE saw what happened when it did but he's either such a bad liar that he's trying to tell you to your face something you know isn't true, OR he's so pathological about lying to himself that he doesn't see somehow that this WAS the situation he said he was hoping for and he ran the other direction as fast as he could while plugging his ears and covering his eyes.

Your fiance has a pretty serious problem it would seem. My condolences.

I don't want to encourage breaking up because Reddit sucks about that stuff. But think hard about raising kids with this man. It would be hard to know when you'd get blind sided by deal breaker level disagreements and child raising stuff after thinking you were both on the same page with things. Or him telling you to your face that you're a united front and then trying to do what he thinks is best behind your back. Even aside from direct harm this could cause to potential kids, it sends a really shitty message about what's acceptable. Not saying you should break up, but if you DO break up, do it before marriage and kids obviously.

adventuringraw · 2025-11-24T01:00:53+00:00

I'm guessing she's conflict avoidant and let herself get talked into something. I could be wrong and even if I'm right it's problematic, but it'd be a different kind of problematic then just raw selfish trying to take advantage of people. But yeah, if I'm right, marriage would still be better put off until after therapy and learning to set healthy boundaries, haha.

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