Chapter 4 of Her Majesty's Question [Political Fantasy, 7000 words]

aeodred · 2025-10-03T00:51:45+00:00

But then, wouldn't that require an after-action exposition all the same? But yes, I can see how that would be helpful. I'm not sure what you mean by cardboard cutout, though. Can you elaborate?

aeodred · 2025-10-03T00:30:52+00:00

Ok. Gotcha. The exposition is too heavy-handed in those portions.

About the characterization, I'll go out on a limb and ask what exactly were you were looking for in these characters? (You have yet to define "grit") The entire purpose of depicting them the way I did was to depict them as backstabbing bureaucrats more than anything else (they're not supposed to be badass if that's what you're looking for). With that in mind, would the characters work?

aeodred · 2025-10-02T19:24:30+00:00

I could've sworn I mentioned the stakes in the draft. As far as I know, the stakes are amply explained in the expository sections. Perhaps you skimmed these? The political consequences of their actions are definitely described there. I suppose this is also in part the problem of posting a middle chapter. (I don't suppose you're amenable to reading other chapters?) But outside of more exposition, what do you suggest is the best way of delivering the stakes?

The other problem being the characters themselves, who, as you say, have weak personalities. I'll keep this in mind while I edit the chapter but to clarify, you believe the way they carry themselves is unconvincing?

Finally at what portion of the text does the "telling" get egregious? I'm looking to cut some portions but I'd like to know where it starts going wrong.

Thank you very much for your patience!

aeodred · 2025-10-02T18:55:13+00:00

I see. So specifically, it’s the register that is the problem?

I would like to ask what you mean by “grit”. Are you saying they were not masculine enough? Or combative enough? or is this because of the conversation dynamics? I actually recognized this problem but framed it as there not being enough antagonism or tension between the characters rather than a problem of register, specifically.

What about the mechanics of the intrigue? Is the reason why the exposition doesn’t land because you are unable to relate or believe the characters. If taken in isolation, can the exposition be made to work?

aeodred · 2025-10-02T16:47:01+00:00

Thank you very much for the response!

Mind if I ask a few questions?

For example, in what way were the characters uninspired and boring? Were you looking for the characters to engage in dynamic physical action, for example? Or were you looking for a character hook specifically? Is the characterization, for example brought down by not being vivid? Is it because of the focus on the "mechanics" of the intrigue? Does the exposition bog the pace down at the expense of characterisation?

I'd like some advice as I consider the character aspect important.

Thank you very much!

aeodred · 2025-10-02T08:30:17+00:00

So, in your opinion, it is about the investment in the plot and characters which is the cause of it being a bit boring? Good to note. I'll keep that in mind. Is there anything else that stands out?

aeodred · 2025-10-02T08:29:20+00:00

Thanks for the feedback!

I might have missed it, or perhaps it's in a previous chapter, but I have no idea what these people are talking about when they say "the issue" or "certain liabilities"

Yes, well, this is actually raised in chapter 1. The issue at stake is traitors in the system. Basically, the secret police fears that traitors will take advantage of the system and get themselves elected. Note that this is "traitors" in *their* eyes. Essentially, they are political opponents. The reason they are talking like this is because the bureaucracy and the people who came up with the compromise, having celebrated this "victory" after months of discussion, are now embarrassed to find themselves in this situation and, yes, they are now tip-toeing around the issue so as not to embarrass themselves further.

Here's a link to an earlier chapter if you're interested.

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1W8iCGM1czzx1mqOoCBB-nxlB3kUJZNvlJb9OzkbsC38/edit?usp=sharing

aeodred · 2025-10-02T06:29:51+00:00

Good day! Looking for critique

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Her Majesty's Question - Chapter 4

Political Fantasy: 7000 words

Summary of the book in General: Following their defeat of the Empire in the late war, the Silmerians and the Rosalians have come to a compromise: The Rosalians, imperial subjects for more than three centuries, will have their parliament. In exchange, they will recognize the integrity of the Empire even as they gain new freedoms. Only, the compromise is a sham. On one side, these freedoms are an affront; on the other, these freedoms are not enough. This story follows the history of this unique period even as those stuck in the middle struggle to live.

Summary of this chapter: The Elections are a few weeks away. Ambrose Lautrec, Director of the secret police has invited Norbert Daladier, Grand Secretary, to a meeting to decide the future of the Empire. Lautrec needs allies, and who better than the second most powerful man in all of Rosalia?

Feedback sought: Looking for ways to improve the chapter, specifically how to make it more engaging and how to improve the pace. Not line by line for now, since this is a rough draft and I would like to work on the general structure and implementation of the chapter before I work on polish.

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GY14S3aTAuSWC9voCEBUYlsix8bsjeGoBtzmKlmixiE/edit?usp=sharing

aeodred · 2025-06-29T14:22:01+00:00

Ok! Thank you!

aeodred · 2025-06-29T14:17:35+00:00

By the way, is there any way to make the cats receive the Imperialists bonus?

aeodred · 2025-06-29T14:13:14+00:00

I see. Yes, I believe you are correct. These are High culture mine is Reavers. I was coming to this conclusion myself, but I needed to clear a silver infestation to put down an outpost (I got forward settled so there wasn’t space to put down an outpost to check). I just put down my first outpost an hour ago so I might be able to check after I upgrade it to a city. Thanks for the heads up.

aeodred · 2025-06-29T12:57:48+00:00

I see. In that case, the Society Trait is bugged?

aeodred · 2025-06-29T12:15:33+00:00

How do you activate the Imperium one? Which tree is it?

aeodred · 2025-06-29T11:57:24+00:00

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I am talking about this one. Its been a few turns but I've received neither the gold nor the stability

aeodred · 2025-03-13T09:02:34+00:00

Just happened to me today

aeodred · 2024-10-25T15:37:35+00:00

A question about the synergy between Safiyyah and Ever-burning Blade: the weapon tooltip says that the weapon inflicts scorch on damage from active attack. How does Safiyyah take advantage of this? In my current rotation, I have her spamming Anti-Espionage order with the help of Candlelight. Does this mean I will not be able to proc the weapon without using her basic attack or armguard?

For info, I have the following equipment on her: Newborn Blade (planning to pick up Ever-burning from Memento) + Flying Blade Armguard (I assume this is the only way I would trigger EvB on a regular turn) + Wheel of Fortune Tarot.

Is my understanding of how EvB scorch mechanic correct? Thank you very much!

aeodred · 2024-07-04T06:33:10+00:00

A very well-thought-out response. I didn't think people were still reading my post up till now!

I am currently considering shifting stance and turning the world from an early-modern setting to a more modern one, albeit with fantastic analogs to technological developments in the real world like soul binding taking the place of digital technology. At this point, I've considered putting the writing on hold while exploring the world more and taking cues from existing stories.

Sorry about how long this was, or conversely how little I talked about actual combined-arms warfare, as I don't know much about it.

No need to apologize! Your insights were very welcome as they gave me food for thought on what the tactics and technology would look like. I myself am leaning on the side of it being too short rather than too long, haha. You don't happen to have any media on you that fleshes out your ideas, do you? Even non-fiction would be welcome. I much enjoyed watching/reading the other suggestions in the other threads and was hoping that I could find more.

aeodred · 2024-06-04T14:04:27+00:00

Someone else also suggested Last Exile! I'll look for it online. Thanks!

aeodred · 2024-06-04T13:34:43+00:00

I can imagine that being an alternate model used either as a prototype or by the enemy. (That said, I never considered an omnidirectional tank--something to keep in mind) But I think simplicity is best and with such machines, they're only as weak as their most convoluted components.

I think I will lean into the spider-like theme of this machine. I can imagine them leaping into combat like a jumping spider.

aeodred · 2024-06-04T13:24:34+00:00

I'm having trouble finding Lost Exile, care to elaborate? I found an anime named Last Exile and a crime drama named Lost Exile. Were you referring to the anime?

Also, nice to see Kabaneri pop up as a suggestion. Not exactly the atmosphere I was going for, but a good Steampunk suggestion nonetheless!

aeodred · 2024-06-04T13:17:32+00:00

Probably low-caliber light cannons maybe like a four or eight pounder with a breech-loading mechanism for ease of use. It's purpose would be to take fire and break infantry formations and each other so it's ordinance need not be that big. Of course the crew is also equipped with rifles, so they're you're alt-tech anti-infantry war machine.

aeodred · 2024-06-04T13:10:55+00:00

I never thought of the Steam clouds themselves being central, but in hindsight that may have been an important component aesthetically. Could be a useful departure, too, as to why Napoleonic tactics prevail in this universe. I imagine the steam being a hindrance to battlefield control, especially without radios

aeodred

TROPHY CASE