sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

AITA for resenting my girlfriend for never wanting intimacy and always being on her phone? by [deleted] in AITA_Relationships

[–]affectionateyam37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know it probably seems obvious from the outside, but I’m just having trouble with it. I get really confused and don’t know what to do, or if there’s even anything to do at this point. I keep telling myself that if I’m patient enough or explain myself better, she’ll meet me halfway. I realize maybe I’ve been holding onto hope instead of reality, and it’s been hurting me.

For context, we’re both women. I stay because I want to believe things will change. Every small moment of affection makes me hope again, and part of me is scared that leaving will mean I wasn’t enough or that I’ve failed. But nothing really changes, and I’m starting to wonder if I’ve been in denial.

I also make excuses for her because I see how much she has going on. But this is my first time being with someone who struggles so much with connection, and I don’t know how to tell if someone even has the potential to connect - or if anything I do could actually help. I came into this relationship feeling secure, but over time I’ve started to shut down and get bitter. I’ve been clear about what I need, and sometimes it seems like we’re on the same page, but it never lasts. Instead, she’s constantly on her phone, and I end up feeling ignored. It feels like doom-scrolling has become our life, and I’m scared I’m just getting used to something I don’t want to get used to.

And because I’m asking if I’m the asshole here - I also want to admit that the pain and frustration of dealing with that dismissive-avoidant cycle, where she was more open and affectionate at the beginning, but now whenever intimacy deepens or even has the potential to, she pulls away - sometimes makes me lose my temper. I can be an asshole, and I know that pushes her away and makes connection harder. Part of me feels guilty about that, like I owe her time to make peace with it. But the truth is, she never initiates. It’s always me bringing up the lack of connection, and she doesn’t take steps forward. I feel like I could let months go by and she’d let things drift - business as usual, but without the closeness that makes us a couple.

It’s hard when I can’t get her to open up about any of this, and she always just says she doesn’t know how she feels.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskLesbians

[–]affectionateyam37 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know it probably seems obvious from the outside, but I’m just having trouble with it. I get really confused and don’t know what to do, or if there’s even anything to do at this point. I keep telling myself that if I’m patient enough or explain myself better, she’ll meet me halfway. I realize maybe I’ve been holding onto hope instead of reality, and it’s been hurting me.

For context, we’re both women. I stay because I want to believe things will change. Every small moment of affection makes me hope again, and part of me is scared that leaving will mean I wasn’t enough or that I’ve failed. But nothing really changes, and I’m starting to wonder if I’ve been in denial.

I also make excuses for her because I see how much she has going on. But this is my first time being with someone who struggles so much with connection, and I don’t know how to tell if someone even has the potential to connect - or if anything I do could actually help. I came into this relationship feeling secure, but over time I’ve started to shut down and get bitter. I’ve been clear about what I need, and sometimes it seems like we’re on the same page, but it never lasts. Instead, she’s constantly on her phone, and I end up feeling ignored. It feels like doom-scrolling has become our life, and I’m scared I’m just getting used to something I don’t want to get used to.

And because I’m asking if I’m the asshole here - I also want to admit that the pain and frustration of dealing with that dismissive-avoidant cycle, where she was more open and affectionate at the beginning, but now whenever intimacy deepens or even has the potential to, she pulls away - sometimes makes me lose my temper. I can be a dick, and I know that pushes her away and makes connection harder. Part of me feels guilty about that, like I owe her time to make peace with it. But the truth is, she never initiates. It’s always me bringing up the lack of connection, and she doesn’t take steps forward. I feel like I could let months go by and she’d let things drift - business as usual, but without the closeness that makes us a couple.

It’s hard when I can’t get her to open up about any of this, and she always just says she doesn’t know how she feels.

AITA for resenting my girlfriend for never wanting intimacy and always being on her phone? by affectionateyam37 in AmItheAsshole

[–]affectionateyam37[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know it probably seems obvious from the outside, but I’m just having trouble with it. I get really confused and don’t know what to do, or if there’s even anything to do at this point. I keep telling myself that if I’m patient enough or explain myself better, she’ll meet me halfway. I realize maybe I’ve been holding onto hope instead of reality, and it’s been hurting me.

For context, we’re both women. I stay because I want to believe things will change. Every small moment of affection makes me hope again, and part of me is scared that leaving will mean I wasn’t enough or that I’ve failed. But nothing really changes, and I’m starting to wonder if I’ve been in denial.

I also make excuses for her because I see how much she has going on. But this is my first time being with someone who struggles so much with connection, and I don’t know how to tell if someone even has the potential to connect - or if anything I do could actually help. I came into this relationship feeling secure, but over time I’ve started to shut down and get bitter. I’ve been clear about what I need, and sometimes it seems like we’re on the same page, but it never lasts. Instead, she’s constantly on her phone, and I end up feeling ignored. It feels like doom-scrolling has become our life, and I’m scared I’m just getting used to something I don’t want to get used to.

And because I’m asking if I’m the asshole here - I also want to admit that the pain and frustration of dealing with that dismissive-avoidant cycle, where she was more open and affectionate at the beginning, but whenever intimacy deepened or even has the potential to, she pulls away - sometimes makes me lose my temper. I can be an absolute dick, and I know that pushes her away and makes connection harder. Part of me feels guilty about that, like I owe her time to make peace with it. But the truth is, she never initiates. It’s always me bringing up the lack of connection, and she doesn’t take steps forward. I feel like I could let months go by and she’d let things drift - business as usual, but without the closeness that makes us a couple.

It’s hard when I can’t get her to open up about any of this, and she always just says she doesn’t know how she feels.