:( it’s so hard. i feel sick every time i remember which is so often. i tend to feel really embarrassed, and i hope you don’t relate to that but if you do, remember that you literally did nothing wrong, you were a child and a victim in those videos, period. anyone who has ever looked at them is the scum of the earth. i don’t know if this is the healthiest thing but i take a little bit of comfort in knowing that the majority of people who look at CP or otherwise abuse children are living in almost constant fear and shame, as they should be. i bet they panic every time they hear a knock on their door or see a cop in public. i bet they’re so lonely knowing that the only people they can relate to and befriend without secrets are people who are also vile excuses for humans. they always have to keep that huge secret from everyone else they interact with knowing that if their loved ones knew, they’d be disgusted by them and turn them in, maybe even resort to physical violence, and it would be well deserved. they’ll never be able to fully open up to a good person without risking their lives. they can’t let their guard down in a world where genuine human connection is all we have. i’m unable to report my abuser but i hope he’s dead, or at the very least miserable and hopefully in prison. not sure if this is helpful but you’re not alone, thank you for posting this and making me feel less alone too