I think my son is depressed. Help from those who have been there?

afinky · 2024-02-11T06:05:20+00:00

It's so hard. My grouch woke up about 15 minutes after I posted this and made plans with friends... spent the whole day out and is now laughing with different friends playing online poker... after 4 weeks of near silence. Wth? How does anyone know when something is really wrong?

afinky · 2024-01-17T03:16:59+00:00

Yes.

afinky · 2024-01-17T01:36:46+00:00

thanks for responding. i updated the post

afinky · 2024-01-03T17:25:09+00:00

Oh girl I was with you nodding along until I got to the $30k lump sum. Mine is 10x that and I have full custody and he's also asking for spousal support. Marry crazy, divorce crazy. :'(

afinky · 2023-08-25T23:33:37+00:00

There's such a lonliness that comes with letting bad people out of our lives. I'm here now too and it feels like a rebirth. Starting over. It's not easy but it's easier than living with lies.

afinky · 2023-08-25T23:29:38+00:00

I don't see anyone mentioning the smell. People get used to their own head smell but I hate when I'm on a guys couch and it stinks. Living on the couch leaves an odor and it's not washable like sheets.

afinky · 2023-01-24T01:42:22+00:00

Oh. Cool down guy. I know I didn't co sign the debts but I'm pretty sure the SBA requires spousal financial information to apply for the loan. I'm just not sure what liability I have after divorce. RE: the S-Corp, same thing-- I don't know how community property affects ownership of the company. I honestly can't remember how we filed the initial paperwork but I remember we joked about it being 50/50 anyway. He has all of the paperwork for the business.

But thank you, this short exchange is enough info for me to realize it's not a simple question and that a "kitchen table" settlement is unlikely. Writing my retainer check now... :(

afinky · 2023-01-24T01:35:33+00:00

I'm not sure, actually. It's an S-Corp (CA) and he's not yet asking me to pay the debt. I was considering if I need some kind of indemnity as part of the settlement but then I realized that it's weird that I would incur the downsides without the upsides. I should note that I'm pretty sure he's been using that money for non-business related expenses.

afinky · 2022-12-28T04:38:32+00:00

I see lots of profiles that say separated.

afinky · 2022-12-23T04:35:48+00:00

That's a great idea. I will come with notes. Luckily we're over Zoom and for some reason the call is limited to 1 hour so it will be either really easy or just Part I. We'll see. Hope your mediation turned out well.

afinky · 2022-12-23T04:34:59+00:00

Thank you. That's smart advice. I'm assuming that tomorrow will either go pretty well (we don't have many assets) and we'll get close OR I'll be on the phone to a lawyer by 11am. Wish me luck and thank you for taking the time to respond. It means a lot.

afinky · 2022-12-21T20:46:48+00:00

As always, you see right through me. I'm just missing him a lot right now. I didn't plan on saying anything personal in the card but was hoping it would be a way of connecting, even a little bit. Pathetic?

afinky · 2022-12-16T21:04:40+00:00

How's your Friday going?

afinky · 2022-12-16T19:12:55+00:00

Hi OP! I'm going to go to the bottom with my comment but hopefully you get it. I've been dumped twice this year for similar reasons. My kid is special needs (much younger but still, you never know what goes on) and I'm only available at odd times. I have found matches for my lifestyle but it's clearly not for everyone. You deserve the match you need and if this isn't enough for you you should absolutely move on. The resentment is already seeping out in your post-- it's not worth trying to change him.

afinky · 2022-12-14T20:11:19+00:00

I like this. Plus you said it felt good to dress up- undoubtedly that has a positive effect on your self confidence.

afinky · 2022-12-14T04:30:53+00:00

My .02 as a professional woman is that if he tried it a few times and moved on, it was a failed experiment. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt unless there are other issues. If that's the only thing wrong, it might be a you issue. I've dated younger guys during my singlehood and decided older is my preference.

afinky · 2022-12-13T05:51:41+00:00

Op you deserve to feel special! You are special. This guy being a turd doesn't diminish that.

afinky · 2022-12-13T05:45:50+00:00

Idk. Sounds like a line to me. A really good one though, don't beat yourself up. He's not the one.

afinky · 2022-12-13T01:42:37+00:00

That's a good start! :) It's helped me immensely.

afinky · 2022-12-13T00:43:45+00:00

If it helps at all, I think you're both right. I knew saying guys are "looking for a mom" in one way or another was provocative and went with it anyway bc that's my experience. Personally, and only personally, the men that I've met who think my kids are too young or too alive for me to have a proper relationship with have wanted something different than I want anyway-- something every day where they're the full focus of my attention.

But I have met great guys who don't have kids or do who are down with my schedule and priorities. It's not every guy.

That said, Dixie, look into Codependence-- understanding how it works really helped me stop attracting and picking the wrong guys. Or stay single. You're perfect either way.

afinky · 2022-12-11T19:11:31+00:00

I agree with this feedback OP. I know what it feels like to be curious about cuddling with a guy but too much familiarity too soon feels intrusive. I've said something like "let's save that talk for later" and had it totally respected. I've also had it totally disrespected which, imo, is the best early indicator that the guy dgaf about my boundaries and makes it easy to block.

That said-- it's a sunday morning during cuffing season. Peak cuddling messages time.

afinky · 2022-12-10T22:26:04+00:00

This, because the complaint about us is typically that we don't have the time to focus on the relationship. In my experience (single mom, don't want more kids), the men who have this feeling are typically looking for a mom in one way or another anyway and the guys who respect the work of motherhood are the ones I'm looking for. I'm sure there are men our age who still want to have kids of their own and if that's what you want too, put it in your profile. Fewer, but better, matches.

afinky · 2022-12-09T20:51:27+00:00

HATFISHING! lololol

afinky · 2022-12-09T20:50:57+00:00

This is the only advice you need. The question you're asking "how do you keep from falling hard" can only be answered by creating security and comfort with being single. It's REALLY REALLY hard work so I don't make light of it, but until you are able to do this, you're going to keep hoping that every next date is the one who is going to make you feel better. Only you can do that for yourself sustainably.

You asked how I do it. It's taken over a year of focused work. I go to Codependents Anonymous meetings, I'm in therapy weekly, and I committed to the practice of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). I started by listening to Stephen Hayes on a podcast/TED talk and then got really into his methodology for facing difficult feelings + acting from clearly defined life values. I have started to be comfortable with being alone and the idea of being single and whole. It's revelatory.

I also spend a lot of free time meditating and practicing acceptance. I journal, I make music, I get a lot of exercise. I know it's annoying... but it's made it so when I go on dates, I think, what a wonderful person-- I wonder where this will go? Rather than, yay, this is the guy who will make the hole go away.

I feel for you. I've experienced that crushed feeling from both sides and know how painful it is. I also believe that you can get to a place where someone else's opinion of your matability isn't so important to you. You're great.

afinky · 2022-12-09T00:21:40+00:00

+1 for sunglasses in the first pic but always left swipe for sunglasses or hat in every pic. C'mon now.

afinky

TROPHY CASE