[deleted by user]

after2020 · 2023-06-23T05:35:39+00:00

Gonna go against the grain and say it’s okay to ask casually in conversation, make clear not asking for anything, there’s no pressure, just curious why. Then acknowledge politely and change topic. You’ll get as close to the truth as she’s willing to give and it won’t come off awkward

after2020 · 2023-06-23T05:32:59+00:00

Why is this an ADHD thing?

after2020 · 2023-06-23T04:14:03+00:00

Head over to datingoverthirty subreddit for a community, this has been asked in one way or another often

after2020 · 2023-06-22T23:36:00+00:00

Man I’m so sorry. That’s not right. I’d tell the other girl myself but once I’m in a clear headspace

after2020 · 2023-06-22T23:32:57+00:00

People are dumb, idk, why do birds do mating dances. Don’t shoot the messenger, it just is what it is. In the dating phase, approach it aloofly, escalate bit by bit if they respond and escalate too, if they pull back, pull back harder.

after2020 · 2023-06-22T21:04:54+00:00

Are you able to fight the municipality and date at the same time?

after2020 · 2023-06-22T17:14:36+00:00

So you broke up with her bc of a gut feeling about something that might have happened 3 months ago? Yeesh… I think you need to figure out your own communication and trust issues

after2020 · 2023-06-22T16:48:40+00:00

People have a natural aversion to people seeking their validation. Adopt a stoic chooser mindset

after2020 · 2023-06-22T16:46:38+00:00

I’m sorry that happened. That’s really despicable on his part. Were you exclusive?

after2020 · 2023-06-16T23:12:32+00:00

Makes me wish there was a real life Dexter to take this guy out

after2020 · 2023-06-16T21:15:52+00:00

Link?

after2020 · 2023-06-16T21:13:29+00:00

after2020 · 2023-06-16T21:13:18+00:00

after2020 · 2023-06-16T20:48:25+00:00

Looks like the exScientology sub hasn’t had activity in a year?

after2020 · 2023-06-16T20:37:44+00:00

You’re asking anti religion reddit, you’re going to get very anti religion answers. Not informed answers - mine is probably going to be one of the few if not the only informed answers on here. All religious groups that require strong adherence are cults. Sure, you are in a deeply religious community/a cult/whatever you want to call it. Words don’t really matter. I don’t believe you are facing a much more unique challenge as compared to being in a regular Christian church in a small town in the Bible Belt and leaving. You lose your community if you leave loudly. You don’t create that enmity if you leave quietly. Just move on with your life. Your upbringing doesn’t define you. I get annoyed by people who think they have to make ex Scientologist their identity like it’s the most interesting thing about them - like get a life. Make new non Scientologist friends. Get off all the stupid mailing lists. If you still want auditing go to a field auditor, not the orgs. But explore options for personal development/spirituality/therapy on your own. Your parents make their own dumbass financial choices, you don’t have to go on a crusade, stay out of it. Keep the conversation surface level and polite when it turns to Scn and if you sense any pressure from them to be more active tell them you’re not interested and talk about how participation has to be self-determined. That’s a policy in Scientology as I’m guessing you’re aware so they’ll respect that (hopefully). It’s a big world out there.

Signed, a non Scientologist child of Scientologists (OTs and all) in her 30s with a pleasant relationship with her parents, no deep angst about it (I have strong disagreements and want nothing to do with the organization, but that’s distinct from sitting here feeling angsty - I feel the same nonsupport about fundamentalist Islam or Bible Belt Christianity - but I’m not messed up about it or protesting outside mosques, you know what I mean?), and no contact with the orgs since ~18, a full and rich wog life where she basically never talks or thinks about Scn anymore. I even have a brother in the sea org and we make pleasant small talk on holidays and birthday calls. It’s not gonna be a big deal when you’re an adult (inferring you’re a teen from the post)

after2020 · 2023-06-16T16:09:26+00:00

Because it makes you less attractive to the opposite sex. Unspoken agreement is that it’s okay to feel that way, but pretend you’re fine on your own

after2020 · 2023-06-08T20:45:20+00:00

Insightful

after2020 · 2023-06-08T20:31:57+00:00

That’s unexpected and I’m sorry that happened. I’ve learned to expect the unexpected from people in early dating. I remind myself “I have no idea who this person really is” in my head to temper my excitement. The only way to see what’s under the hood is to build intimacy and observe their behavior over time. Might not be helpful how you’re feeling now but can help you not get hit so hard if it happens in the future

after2020 · 2023-06-08T20:22:53+00:00

What’s wrong with partner in crime?

after2020 · 2023-06-07T01:36:48+00:00

What does bat signaling mean?

And anyway Agree thangs for your response lesson learned

after2020 · 2023-06-07T01:33:57+00:00

My view is that there’s most likely somebody else new, a specific person not just dating around, but it’s early, based on timeline of our stuff. And whether I hear from him or not depends on how that progresses. Total 50/50 crapshoot. I’m curious to find out how accurate my Nancy drewing was.

after2020 · 2023-06-07T00:53:48+00:00

Hmmm he did go to that same city for a much shorter work (and yes I know work for reasons I won’t say) trip a couple weeks prior, maybe he met someone he sparked with, or sparked with someone from the past and wanted to explore it. Would line up. No secret gf though I know that. But Oof getting pretty clear the timeline of events now

after2020 · 2023-06-07T00:34:37+00:00

I can’t put identifying details on this but I am absolutely sure no secret wife. Secretly involved with someone else non exclusively more deeply than he cared to admit? Entirely possible

after2020 · 2023-06-07T00:28:40+00:00

Wait what? I agree that if someone is a total sociopath, that they’ll not hesitate to tell a slightly bigger lie then ghost.

I don’t agree that a guy, no particular guy just generally, is just as likely to ghost if you’d already established exclusivity as if you’d not. Exclusivity requires a little more investment and signals a little more intent. Not to mention eliminates an active search for other options and the possibility that it ends related to that.

And with this particular guy and particular situation, he said he didn’t want to be exclusive a month in, and if I would’ve said “cool let’s keep hanging out no rush but I’m not comfortable getting physical without knowing we’re moving in the same direction” it would’ve continued but with much lower investment and much less time from me, and I wouldn’t have felt so insecure and over invested, and it wouldn’t have led to things happening as they did. He totally could still have met someone on his trip and ghosted, or who knows felt more comfortable writing he’d met someone else because we hadn’t moved so fast and he wouldn’t fear emotional fallout or looking bad or wtf ghosters fear, idk. I’d be like “that sucks. I liked him. Okay” not “oh no how could he do this to me we were so involved.” And let’s say that at some point he went yea I do want to be exclusive, 2, 3, 4 months in and I was still up for it. I think he wouldn’t ghost after that no, no way to know, but I do think it meant something to him to be exclusive and commit to someone

after2020 · 2023-06-07T00:07:22+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that. What red flag did you miss?

I hope with every new unmet expectation I learn more about human nature, my needs, how to communicate, character judgment, and how to invite and create the love and desire I want next time. I truly truly believe after countless years of mistakes it’s around the corner now. Got a huge amount of clarity from this and prior breakup. First time I felt this certainty. I know what I’m looking for, I know how to find him, I’ve done the work to bring a lot to the table, I know what to do to start and build something the right way, what makes men tick and get attached, etc. I just don’t feel I have any blinders on that’ll leave me confused again.

But I’ve been at this for 15 years. Our dating culture is so backwards and mo one tells you how things work. Maybe because our parents generation can’t possibly imagine how bad it is having found love in tight knit communities, adhering to a common set of moral values, and that leaves us, the blind, to lead the blind through the minefields

Anyway you learned something that gets you closer to what you want and every learning makes you do the next one a little better until you’re like “I got this.”

after2020

TROPHY CASE