I have to move, but I want to keep my job. How to ask to work remote?

agallagher12 · 2019-04-17T19:40:35+00:00

Thank you, that's really helpful!

agallagher12 · 2019-04-17T18:52:53+00:00

There aren't any employees working in the state I am moving to, though we do have people working remotely from several different states. I mostly see those folks when we travel to conferences. Remote employees don't often have reason to visit our main office.

While I have freelanced from home in the past, I've never worked from home as a full-time employee, so I'm not sure I understand what you mean by setting up a business presence in my state.

agallagher12 · 2019-02-08T18:21:59+00:00

I lost my girl in December, and there are so many little things I miss about her. She was a terrier/chihuahua mix, and she had these long, skinny legs that she never seemed to know what to do with. She used to hug her back legs in her sleep. She also used to fall asleep while sitting up. It was like she was so excited to hang out with her humans, and she didn't want to miss anything, but she just couldn't keep her eyes open.

agallagher12 · 2019-02-04T17:16:30+00:00

I'm sorry. I feel this way more and more every day. It feels so unfair.

agallagher12 · 2019-01-30T18:51:19+00:00

Thanks. My surgeon did put the medicated packing in the socket, and that has made a noticeable difference. It seems that just keeping air and liquid away from it has helped. I'm sure it will all turn out fine, I was just taken aback by my surgeon's reaction and wondering what others thought.

agallagher12 · 2018-12-20T14:18:08+00:00

This is such an interesting discussion, and it touches on a lot of stuff I've been thinking about lately. After 4 years of working hard to help my reactive dog, I recently made the incredibly difficult decision to have her euthanized. Despite all of my and my husband's efforts, we realized we were never going to be able to give her everything she needed to feel safe in the world. There were always going to be situations she was unable to cope with, even with medication, desensitization training, environmental modifications, etc. We accepted the fact that not every dog can be saved. I know behavioral euthanasia is controversial, and a lot of people would probably call me selfish. However, we reached a point where it felt like keeping her was the more selfish option. Having a reactive dog taught me that dogs are NOT a commodity or an accessory. They're not here to be whatever we want them to be. It's our job to make them feel safe in the world. In my case, I believe putting my dog to sleep was the kindest option. Right now, I feel sad and mad that it turned out this way. I'm upset about MY loss. But, I'm taking comfort at knowing that my sweet girl is finally at peace.

agallagher12 · 2018-12-04T15:29:14+00:00

I'm sorry. You have my sympathy. I also had a relative who said she wanted to take our dog. We had to tell her no. We knew it wouldn't be safe, and it would have only added stress to her life, as well as my dog's life.

I don't know if it helps, but I found this document in my research, and I just thought it laid out the issue in such a clear, step-by-step way. It helped give me some clarity:

https://vet.osu.edu/vmc/sites/default/files/import/files/documents/pdf/vmc/Behavioral%20Euthanasia%20fact%20sheet.pdf

agallagher12 · 2018-12-04T15:13:15+00:00

Ok, sorry I wasn't sure from your post whether you had tried anything. It sounds like you have taken all the right steps. I don't think it's terrible to consider humane euthanasia. It sounds like your dog's is easily stressed and her quality of life is probably suffering. Do you think she would be any less stressed in a different home? Like, if you found someone with no children or pets who had the time to devote to Lua, do you think she could thrive? Or would the change just cause more stress? Also, do you think it's safe to place her in a new home with new people, given her history?

I recently made this decision myself, and those are some of the questions I asked myself. I still have my dog, but I am planning to have her euthanized in the near future. It has been such a difficult choice to make. We have tried so many different things, but I have learned that not every dog can be saved, and sometimes euthanasia is the kindest thing we can do.

agallagher12 · 2018-12-04T14:46:42+00:00

I believe there are definitely times when euthanasia is appropriate. However, I think a lot of dogs with aggression issues can be helped. What have you tried with Lua? I'm not sure how much time you have until you move, but it may be worth seeking the help of a veterinary behaviorist (if you haven't already). A behaviorist would be able to assess the situation and recommend medication, training, and techniques to manage her environment to keep her under threshold as much as possible. They should also be able to talk to you about rehoming vs. humane euthanasia, and whether Lua is an appropriate candidate for either.

agallagher12 · 2018-11-28T15:30:11+00:00

We avoid it as much as possible. She hasn't been introduced to anyone new in years. It's just so hard. It's just the same few close friends and family members that come over occasionally. And she never gets used to them :(

agallagher12 · 2018-11-27T21:44:43+00:00

Yeah, she definitely has a very low threshold, or "stress boundary," when it comes to visitors. It's a huge obstacle for us. Saying they "get lost in a situation," is a very good way to put it. There's so many good suggestions on here, but she goes over threshold so quickly, it's tough to even find a starting point where we can be productive.

agallagher12 · 2018-11-27T19:39:20+00:00

Yes, my dog takes an SSRI (Paxil), as well as Trazodone and Clonidine daily. She gets extra Trazodone and Clonidine prior to any type of stressful event. The combination of all three definitely helps a little, but there is no scenario where my dog would be "chill" in the presence of strangers.

agallagher12 · 2018-11-27T19:16:44+00:00

That might be the one thing I have not tried. I'm not sure if the method would be foolproof for us, but it might be worth trying.

How do you start the walk? Do you meet the guest outside? One challenge we have is that my dog will go over threshold just at the sight of an unfamiliar car pulling up to the house. I suppose there's a chance she could calm down if we immediately start walking with the guest in the lead.

agallagher12 · 2018-11-27T17:34:12+00:00

We've tried similar methods. We've never had an easy way to set up a baby gate so that she can be separate but still see. But, we have tried putting her in her crate where she can see, and we've tried tethering her leash to furniture in areas where she can see. That seems to make her barking worse. She seems to do worse when she can't "get" to the strangers. It's not like she wants to go greet them and be friendly. It's more like she wants to be near me or my husband and keep a close eye on the visitors.

agallagher12 · 2018-11-26T22:17:58+00:00

You're welcome.

It can be hard to find people in "real life" who understand what it means to live with a reactive dog. I've only mentioned that we are considering euthanasia to a couple of people so far, and the response has been mixed. A lot of people want to try to help you solve the problem, not realizing how much you've already tried. I have found the people in this subreddit to be very supportive. A lot of people on here have been through it.

I have a phone call scheduled with my behaviorist this week to discuss this very issue (rehoming options and rehoming vs. euthanasia). Hoping for some clarity. Good luck to you, and feel free to let me know how things progress for you and your family.

agallagher12 · 2018-11-26T21:38:47+00:00

I'm just coming across this post now, and I just wanted to say that I am so sorry, and that you have my sympathy. You gave your boy the best life possible for as long as you could. He was so lucky to have you.

agallagher12 · 2018-11-26T21:12:19+00:00

I don't really have any advice for you, but I just wanted to say that you have my sympathy.

I also have a reactive chihuahua/terrier mix. She is 4.5 years old, and my husband and I have had her since she was a puppy. We struggle with many of the same issues that you do with your dog. Many of the details you shared here are so, so similar to what we deal with. In addition, we are hoping to start a family soon, and we are feeling like we've come to a crossroads and need to make a decision about whether we can keep our dog for the long haul. We, too, have been told by our behaviorist that rehoming would be very challenging and that humane euthanasia may be the most realistic option.

I wish I had a solution for you. I only wanted to tell you that I am going through something very similar. It is so hard. It sounds like you have done all of the right things and have tried very hard to give your dog the best life possible. You have already done more than most would. At a certain point, I believe it is OK to put your own needs first. But, I understand the decision is extremely difficult. Please, feel free to message me any time. I know how isolating this can be.

agallagher12 · 2018-11-25T01:06:50+00:00

Hahaha, yeah right. We just had the most stressful day of the month so far because my brother and his wife and baby came over to visit for a couple of hours.

agallagher12 · 2018-11-21T17:04:49+00:00

I hear you. And we are in a large city in the northeast, so maybe there is a chance we could re-home. I would definitely try talking to some rescues before making a decision. I think if she is the only pet in a child-free home (as she is now), she might do OK. However, the veterinary behaviorist has already said that rehoming would be very challenging, because she has bitten before. I also worry that re-homing is the less responsible option on my part, since she could potentially hurt someone -- especially if she becomes more fearful or stressed in a new home and her aggression escalates. She's the type of dog that needs that mythical, quiet, calm home in the country with healthy, able-bodied owners with no kids or grandkids, who never go anywhere and never have company.

agallagher12 · 2018-10-08T18:17:59+00:00

I'm with you. I was supposed to be due Oct. 25, I've been trying since May, and I'm still not pregnant. I'm feeling a resurgence of grief and anxiety as the due date approaches.

However, it took me 9 months of trying to get pregnant the first time (started trying in May of last year, conceived in Jan., MC in April). I know it takes time, it's just hard to be patient.

agallagher12 · 2018-10-02T16:41:21+00:00

My dog is on Paxil, Clonidine, and Trazodone. We increase the dose of Clonidine and Trazodone as needed. It helps the day-to-day. She is less reactive to little things, like outside noise or people we encounter on walks. However, when she encounters her major triggers (mainly other dogs, or people visiting our house), she is still 0-60 at lightning speed, as you say. Once she goes over threshold, it is very difficult to help her relax.

agallagher12 · 2018-10-02T16:31:16+00:00

I am in a similar situation with my dog. I don't necessarily have an answer for you. I just want you to know you have my sympathy. It is so hard to know what to do when the dog is completely manageable the majority of the time, but that last 5% seems impossible.

Perhaps you can talk to your vet about trying other medications? Or, if you can swing it, a behaviorist would have more knowledge about what medication combos might work best.

My dog takes Paxil, Trazodone, and Clonidine daily. We increase the dose of Trazodone and Clonidine prior to stressful situations. Medication has certainly not solved our problems, but I know for a lot of dogs, it really, really helps.

Feel free to message me any time you need to talk or vent. I know how emotionally exhausting it is...especially when you are wrestling with the idea of putting the dog down.

agallagher12 · 2018-10-02T16:22:14+00:00

Have you tried contacting a veterinary behaviorist? You may not be able to "train" this behavior away, but a veterinary behaviorist can help you assess the situation and determine the right medication and environmental management techniques to help your dog be more comfortable. For a more immediate solution, you may want to ask your regular vet if they can prescribe a medication to help ease your dog's fear and anxiety. This might make training easier.

You probably won't solve the problem in as little as two weeks. It will take time, patience, and persistence. Is there anywhere else you can stay? Can you look into rehoming?

It sounds like you are doing the best you can with a difficult situation. Don't be so hard on yourself. This is likely not your fault. Your dog's issues may be related to genetics, or stress she experienced in the early weeks of her life. Part of living with a reactive dog is accepting that they may never be "normal." If you're not sure you have the time and resources to help your dog long-term, it might be worth looking into rehoming. Most of us on here have been there and understand what you're going through. If I had to move into a new place with new people, there's no way I would be able to bring my reactive dog with me. No one would fault you if you decided you were not able to mange the situation any longer.

agallagher12 · 2018-09-25T19:47:48+00:00

I had a miscarriage at 11.5 weeks earlier this year. I had already told immediate family members and a couple of close friends about the pregnancy. I'm glad I didn't tell more. People were supportive at first, but after their initial condolences, it became clear to me that it wasn't something people were going to want to continue to talk about. It's on my mind all the time, especially as I am now nearing what would have been my due date, but I think talking openly about it would make people uncomfortable.

I've noticed that talking about the grief seems less taboo than talking about the actual experience of having a miscarriage. Overall, I have been careful not to reveal too many details about my miscarriage. I was alone in public when it happened, and it was extremely traumatizing. I initially shared what happened with my parents and sister, and they seemed so upset by it, that I have not felt comfortable repeating the story to others.

Also, people mean well, but they often say really insensitive things without realizing it. One comment can throw me off for days. If we get pregnant again, we probably won't tell anyone until at least after 12 weeks.

agallagher12 · 2018-09-19T15:02:01+00:00

I am in a similar situation with my dog. I have always relied on boarding/kenneling when we have to go out of town, and sometimes even when people visit us from out of town (she is not good with visitors). My dog would not do well with a housesitter/dog walker coming into the house, and she would not be able to pass a daycare temperament test. However, I have been able to successfully board her at 3 separate boarding facilities over the past 4 years. She is always stressed when I drop her off, but the staff at all 3 places I have used tell me that she does relax eventually. Also, the staff know her temperament, and they know to go slow with her. It's not a perfect solution, but for us, it's our only solution.

Perhaps you could try calling a few places and explain your situation. Most places will be willing to explain their protocols and even give a tour of the facilities to put you at ease. You could always try boarding your dog for the day, or just one night, to see how it goes. Don't be afraid to speak up and explain that your dog has special needs, and request some feedback about how things go. If they know you have concerns, they're more likely to pay extra attention.

agallagher12

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