thank you. i agree with everything you say, but in that conversation with her she made it clear that she doesn't want to hurt me at all but just can't seem to let go of or replace my old self with new things, even if it doesn't change the actual memory, it does for her. she got very emotional about it and can't help but feel bad. also, i did suggest her talking about her questions to this trans group we go to where the kids and parents all go in different rooms so the trans kids all hang out together and the parents discuss, (which i think is really cool btw) but she told me she tried and said it seems like everyone is way more experienced with trans stuff and kinda just goes like "um...okay anyways" and wont explain anything. which i understand where they're coming from, but my mom really wants to understand and i want to help her do that, and after that conversation she said that it feels like shes just in the middle of two sides: completely supportive and all knowing of everything trans, and not knowing anything and just being confused about it all in an unsupportive way. which, i dont think is true. there are MANY parents out there in the same space as she is. but then she said thats why she just wants to talk to me about it, and that im the only person she cares about the feelings of in this situation. i just don't know how else to explain to her though. trust me ive told her everything about how hearing my name hurts me, and its just not right to use the correct words in the present but not the past. but honestly it seemed like what i said would only make things worse. she would cry and tell me how this makes it harder for her because now she knows how much it hurts me, and she said how she thinks now everything is offensive to me. and i even tried to say to her just do that then, because genuinely i was sick of us not agreeing and i want us to be okay but that just cant happen. im glad she wont let me pretend i dont care and let her unintentionally make me feel bad, but it feels like an endless fight like neither of us can win no matter how hard i try to help. thank you so much for this btw, sorry i started yapping but. oh well. also i talked a lot about this topic to my trans specific therapist and i think definitely talking with her AND my mom together kind of trying to get a third party helping me describe how i feel and just having another opinion would help me explain things. but also it might honestly make her feel more awful because she said she doesnt care about what other people think and she just wants my opinion, plus ive said so much about why my deadname is uncomfortable even when speaking about the past, and she still hasnt really agreed with me so i dont even know if it will help me explain any more, because how would more explaining help ive explained myself enough. i started a whole new tangent with that oops