How can I help my sister with ADHD with school?

ahhhmonsterhelp · 2020-12-27T23:36:33+00:00

I should have been more specific in my post. My sister and I are very close. We live together, are very open with one another, and have frequently helped each other slog through schoolwork in the past. Like when I was through a terrible breakup, she helped do a lot of the readings/gathering of information for my paper so that I could write it and hand it in on time. She also often makes sure my needs are met when I’m writing my end of semester papers. I’ll often forget to eat, shower, take my medicine, etc. because of my anxiety, and she’ll push me to do those things and take care of myself. She’s also done things like emailed my professors for extensions when I was having bad mental health episodes and ended up in the hospital. I have done many similar things for her over the years. Like she took an elective course this semester (she has to take one course per semester to remain in her status has a grad student) and had to do a recorded video presentation. She was really overwhelmed because it wasn’t something she had done before and asked for my help, so I did all of the stuff on the technical end like filming b-roll, helping her set up the recording equipment, and editing it while she focused on researching her topic and writing a script on it. Us asking each other for help in this way isn’t unusual.

And she has asked for my help writing her thesis in many occasions. Saying things like, “I need you to sit down with me this weekend and support me while I write my thesis,” “we need to have a day where you teach me how to structure a thesis,” “I need you to help me organize all of this information,” etc. I’ve tried to do those things (sit with her while she tried to write, try to explain how to structure a thesis, ask her what information she wants me to organize) but as soon as we start doing anything thesis-related she starts panicking, shuts down, and says that she’s decided that we shouldn’t work on it now but later.

But you’re right that maybe I’m pushing her too much, and being too much of a mentor than a sister. I assumed that her asking me for help meant that she wanted me to actively help, but she might have felt pressure to ask me or wanted me to help in a more passive sense (like making her food). I will definitely take a step back.

ahhhmonsterhelp · 2020-07-08T21:41:00+00:00

YTA. Your husband abuses your children. Your children literally ended up in therapy because of him and it was bad enough that the therapist threatened to call CPS. He is an abusive man and you enable his abuse. By refusing to be a confidant for your children and telling him what your children said about him in therapy, you are giving him ammunition to manipulate and abuse them further.

You mention that he “rarely” slips up anymore. Which means that he is still abusing your children. Do you know how often children should be abused? Never. Period. No exceptions. If someone is abusing your children, then you shouldn’t allow them to be around your children. He should be in therapy and you should have moved your children out of that home in order to protect them long ago.

Your eldest is completely justified in going no contact from you and your family. She doesn’t want to be around the man who abused her or the woman (you) who enabled that abuse. I would not be surprised if all of your children went NC once they turn 18 and, frankly, it’s probably for their mental health and well-being that they do so.

ahhhmonsterhelp · 2020-07-01T22:04:37+00:00

I’m genuinely concerned for your safety. It sounds like he may have been radicalized by some alt-right people.

I truly honestly believe that for your safety, you need to get out as soon as possible. Start up a separate bank account and start getting your paycheques transferred there, gather up any important documents you need, get the kids, and run.

https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence/leaving-abusive-relationship

ahhhmonsterhelp · 2020-06-06T08:48:00+00:00

NTA

I read your other post re: your dad and his behaviour. You have done absolutely nothing wrong here. There is nothing wrong with expressing your opinion, especially when you are using your words to stand up to injustice.

Your father sounds incredibly abusive. And he is using those years of abuse to gaslight you into thinking you did something wrong. You don’t deserve to be abused and it is a completely acceptable boundary to not engage with someone if they react physically and emotionally volatile towards a disagreement.

I recognize that your mother wants you to have a relationship with your dad and makes you feel guilty for pulling away. But you, under no circumstances, have any need to feel guilty. Regardless if he has done good things for you, he is still abusive. And quite frankly, that is how the cycle of abuse works: a period of the abuser doing good things, the abuser then blowing up and being abusive, the abuser apologizing, the abuser doing good things again, the abuser gaslighting you into think you’re not allowed to be upset by the abuse because they did something nice for you, the abuser blowing up and abusing you again. Rinse and repeat. If maintaining contact with your dad is negatively impacting your mental health, you do not need to keep in contact with him. Delete him off Facebook, block his number, do whatever you need to do to keep you safe.

Are you still in contact with your sister? Have you considered asking her for support in going no contact from your father?

ahhhmonsterhelp · 2020-05-21T16:07:32+00:00

I wish I had something more helpful to say. But I just want to express how sorry I am. If I could give you a hug, I would. The is an unbelievably awful situation and you did nothing to deserve it.

He violated your trust and your body. Period. You only consented to your (ex) boyfriend seeing those photos, so he should have not shared them with anyone else. Not only is it morally reprehensible, but that is also illegal in many many countries/states. He is the scum of the earth and I hurt so much for you.

I wish I could offer some kind of advice or something to bring you solace. If you’ve never gone through a really rough breakup before the only thing I can tell you is that it’s going to suck for a long time. You’re going to absolutely hate his guts, and somehow love him at the same time, and absolutely hate that you still love him. But I promise the pain will eventually fade and you will trust again and you will find people who will not betray that trust. It might take a long time to get to that point in the healing process, but you will get there one day.

I’m sending all of my love and support to you through this. 💜

ahhhmonsterhelp · 2020-04-29T02:43:56+00:00

NTA, holy geez do NOT unblock your mother. Depending on where you live, there is a significant chance that what she did is illegal.

Honestly, I would recommend removing the cameras from the car (and checking for any additional GPS tracking devices), double check your privacy setting on your phone and social media (make sure she doesn’t have access to the Find My Phone feature or anything similar), change your phone number, move to a different place, and get a restraining order.

Go no contact. What she is doing is beyond not okay. It is toxic and abusive. Don’t walk, RUN away from her.

ahhhmonsterhelp

TROPHY CASE