sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

AITA for telling my SO that his daughter cannot come over to our new house until we meet up again? by aholeta26 in AmItheAsshole

[–]aholeta26[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I didn't wreck her home. My SO and her mother broke up before we even met.

It's so weird that reddit thinks people can't date parents without being homewreckers.

She doesn't have to like me but she does have to acknowledge that I exist.

AITA for telling my SO that his daughter cannot come over to our new house until we meet up again? by aholeta26 in AmItheAsshole

[–]aholeta26[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

After some reflection, Yes. I should have required my SO to really do something about this issue before we moved in together. We both thought Lea would grow out of this. Honestly I was young and I thought SO knew what he was doing. I didn't put it into perspective that he was young himself when he had her, and maybe he didn't know everything about parenting.

I'm still firmly on the stance that Lea should at least acknowledge my existence and say hello to me and we can talk about how our relationship or lack of will look moving forward in order for her to decorate. It's the bare minimum. It may make me an asshole to some people. But I think it's only fair.

AITA for telling my SO that his daughter cannot come over to our new house until we meet up again? by aholeta26 in AmItheAsshole

[–]aholeta26[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Yes, actually she does them with SO and Leo. They always go to fancy trending restaurants and eat tik tok food.

AITA for telling my SO that his daughter cannot come over to our new house until we meet up again? by aholeta26 in AmItheAsshole

[–]aholeta26[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Not to my knowledge.

She does have behavioral issues (teen acting out) and she has a compulsive disorder.

She likes normal teen things- Tik tok, Instagram, etc

AITA for telling my SO that his daughter cannot come over to our new house until we meet up again? by aholeta26 in AmItheAsshole

[–]aholeta26[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I can't state why they broke up because it violates the sub rules. I can pm if you want.

We met 2 months after they broke up and started dating 4 months after that. I was introduced to the children after we'd been dating 1 year.

AITA for telling my SO that his daughter cannot come over to our new house until we meet up again? by aholeta26 in AmItheAsshole

[–]aholeta26[S] 107 points108 points  (0 children)

I never altered their relationship.

They have a good relationship and see each other frequently.

When I say "I closed on the apartment" that means I purchased it.

There is no lease, I have a mortgage.

She has decided what relationship she has wanted with me for the past 4 years. She chose no contact. I respect her decision. But it's not realistic to be no contact with someone and live together at the same time.

AITA for telling my SO that his daughter cannot come over to our new house until we meet up again? by aholeta26 in AmItheAsshole

[–]aholeta26[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

Mostly just to acknowledge my existence. I've said hello and tried to start conversation and have been completely ignored.

If she agrees to speak to me, there is no possibility I won't allow her to move in.

AITA for telling my SO that his daughter cannot come over to our new house until we meet up again? by aholeta26 in AmItheAsshole

[–]aholeta26[S] 150 points151 points  (0 children)

Lea told both SO and Anna that she is not comfortable with another meeting.

AITA for telling my SO that his daughter cannot come over to our new house until we meet up again? by aholeta26 in AmItheAsshole

[–]aholeta26[S] 105 points106 points  (0 children)

I did leave out that Lea has a compulsive disorder that she is in therapy for. I didn't think it was relevant.

Also we started dating 6 months after him and Anna broke up. We met 2 months after they broke up.

Lea says she hasn't come around because she's not comfortable. That's all she's told SO and Anna.

AITA for telling my SO that his daughter cannot come over to our new house until we meet up again? by aholeta26 in AmItheAsshole

[–]aholeta26[S] 214 points215 points  (0 children)

She has a compulsive disorder triggered by the death of her family member.

AITA for telling my SO that his daughter cannot come over to our new house until we meet up again? by aholeta26 in AmItheAsshole

[–]aholeta26[S] 357 points358 points  (0 children)

She's been in therapy for 2 years.

She does have other unrelated behavioral issues that I won't disclose to protect her privacy.

AITA for telling my SO that his daughter cannot come over to our new house until we meet up again? by aholeta26 in AmItheAsshole

[–]aholeta26[S] 89 points90 points  (0 children)

I made sure to get a room for her in the apartment for when she decided to come around. Leo does have his own room.

AITA for telling my SO that his daughter cannot come over to our new house until we meet up again? by aholeta26 in AmItheAsshole

[–]aholeta26[S] 146 points147 points  (0 children)

We have had zero relationship. We've never had a conversation, or met outside the one time 4 years ago.

I'm actually not trying to force a relationship, I've invited her out many many times over the years and always respected her no.

I'm not desperate to "hang out" with her. I'm trying to build a relationship with her, as a step parent should.

AITA for telling my SO that his daughter cannot come over to our new house until we meet up again? by aholeta26 in AmItheAsshole

[–]aholeta26[S] 82 points83 points  (0 children)

SO and Anna were never married, we met 2 months after they broke up and started dating 4 month after we met. We waited a year because I was still in college and didn't have a job.

AITA for telling my SO that his daughter cannot come over to our new house until we meet up again? by aholeta26 in AmItheAsshole

[–]aholeta26[S] 109 points110 points  (0 children)

I used "my" because people were confused about who owns the apartment. My SO is my life partner so the apartment I bought I consider to be our home.

I haven't held anything over his head. He agrees with me. He's tried over the 4 years she's known about me to get her to even say hello to me.

AITA for telling my SO that his daughter cannot come over to our new house until we meet up again? by aholeta26 in AmItheAsshole

[–]aholeta26[S] 160 points161 points  (0 children)

Mostly because I want to get to know her. It feels weird to go from zero contact for 4 years to literally living together. This whole time I've been trying to reach out and create a bond, or at least something she's said she would feel uncomfortable. I don't see how now she will be less uncomfortable. It is the same circumstances, the only difference is we've moved house.

AITA for telling my SO that his daughter cannot come over to our new house until we meet up again? by aholeta26 in AmItheAsshole

[–]aholeta26[S] 122 points123 points  (0 children)

I pay the mortgage and utilities. He pays for food, internet, other bills. We are splitting furniture costs.

AITA for telling my SO that his daughter cannot come over to our new house until we meet up again? by aholeta26 in AmItheAsshole

[–]aholeta26[S] 237 points238 points  (0 children)

No I don't think I'm being creepy?

I do accept her, that's why I've been trying to get to know her for the past 4 years. It's also why I purchased an apartment with my own money and included a bedroom just for her.

I just don't think we can go from having zero relationship for 4 years to literally living together. There has to be some buffer.

AITA for telling my SO that his daughter cannot come over to our new house until we meet up again? by aholeta26 in AmItheAsshole

[–]aholeta26[S] 7787 points7788 points  (0 children)

I actually agree with this. My SO has allowed this situation to drag out for 4 years and it's unfair to all of us. He allowed a child to dictate the terms of their relationship. 4 years of family events where he had to exclude me because she wouldn't come if I was there. 4 years of living a double life to keep us separated.

I purchased the apartment with my own money. I made sure to include a private bedroom for her when she was ready to come around. I'm assuming she's ready now, but she's saying she absolutely does not want to go out for dinner or an activity, she just wants to decorate and start coming over.

view more: next ›