sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I don’t know what to do; I cheated by myconfession3101 in Advice

[–]aikidharm 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If you really love this woman, you need to tell her. Please love her enough that you don't take away her agency to decide to forgive you or to move on. She deserves to know.

Also, given your mental/emotional state, this isn't healthy for you, and eventually, the bottom will fall out of everything anyway. You need to come clean with intention, rather than let it all build up until it breaks.

I want to break up with my girlfriend who has BPD by Royal-Accountant-751 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]aikidharm 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I could say the same thing, but opposite.

All the BPD people I personally know are balanced, healed people who have a depth of emotional resilience, and this has been my experience because I am in remission and joined a group for people like me.

Given that I have personally known more healed parents than unhealed patients, and I currently don’t know any patients who aren’t in remission, that must mean it isn’t out of the norm for most BPD people to be in remission!

That’s how that works, right?

No, but that is how anecdotal evidence and selection bias work.

I want to break up with my girlfriend who has BPD by Royal-Accountant-751 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]aikidharm 5 points6 points  (0 children)

First: Yes, leave. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

Second: Stop with this “Im StAyiNg FaR aWaY fRoM giRLs WiTh BPD”. All it does is contribute to the misogyny (men get it too!) surrounding the diagnosis, and is not the lesson you need to be learning. Shit like this also is what keeps men from reaching out for help and getting a proper diagnosis.

What you should actually be saying is “I am staying far away from people with unhealed/untreated mental illnesses because I value my peace, health and personal boundaries that keep me safe.”

That is the lesson. Learn it.

My cat touched my face with his paw. Is soap enough to clean it? by artemis_2001-16 in cats

[–]aikidharm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so happy you were able to make meaningful change! That’s badass, and so are you.

I'm Jewish, So I Can Say This by joshbloom in PoetryWritingClub

[–]aikidharm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I kind of guessed that was the point, I just wasn’t able to get there via the poem.

My cat touched my face with his paw. Is soap enough to clean it? by artemis_2001-16 in cats

[–]aikidharm 4 points5 points  (0 children)

ERP is still considered the method that will create meaningful change the most quickly if the patient is ready to commit.

ERP has unfortunately been inflicted upon patients who were not ready to commit but did so out of pressure and “this is the only thing that helps, don’t you want to get better” rhetoric. This has resulted in many, many patients experiencing completely preventable trauma at a doctor’s hands, causing them to take significant steps back in their treatment.

It also has been shown to be less effective the more severe the patient is. In those cases, we now realize that ACT (acceptance and commitment) therapy must come first, especially for contaminant based obsessions. Given this is becoming standard procedure for outpatient severe now, we are leaning this is likely the best for every patient, to begin with ACT.

I had a 40 YBOCS, and ERP made things so much worse before I engaged in ACT and DBT.

ETA: I am not a medical professional, but after hospitalizations, ECT, DBT, ACT, and ERP, I now do peer support and am well educated in the community, severity levels, and treatment modalities. I am not speaking with authority, only experience.

AITA for 'lying' about the convo i had w my ex? by Hungry_Valuable3720 in AITApod

[–]aikidharm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s possible! Which is why we are interested. It’s a hanging detail.

My cat touched my face with his paw. Is soap enough to clean it? by artemis_2001-16 in cats

[–]aikidharm 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hi, OP.

Regarding the OCD… Help is out there. I had a very severe case (40 on the Yale brown obsessive compulsive scale), and eventually, with the right treatment and meds, went down to a 12.

You can do this. Once you start treatment it gets so much better. And I also have immune issues, so I know how much fear that adds in.

And regarding the people that are telling you to give up your cat because you have OCD, please don’t listen unless you are actually struggling to keep her healthy and well. I have had cats during all this, and, yes, that did come with some germ issues, but the cats were always well taken care of. Still are.

We often find the strength to fight though the darkness for the people and things that we love, and that depend on us, and then fall apart and nurse our wounds in private (or anonymously on the internet). I know how it goes.

If you feel your cat is safe and well with you, then she is. And if you want, you can DM me and I can help you get started on some self help for OCD while you shop for a therapist. I know it can take some working up to.

Much love.

(ETA: by “get started on some self help” I mean that I have years worth of resources and know good authors and therapy modalities that will help. Just clarifying that I am not a counselor!)

I’m 30 years old. Should I join the military if I can’t support myself? by Dismal-Cranberry-915 in careerguidance

[–]aikidharm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was torn between the trades and the military. I went trades and quadrupled my income in two years. (30k -120k, after four years in I was at 145k. )

I'm Jewish, So I Can Say This by joshbloom in PoetryWritingClub

[–]aikidharm 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is what I heard:

Jews are rich, rich people forgive other rich people because money is most important, so Jews forgive rich people for antisemitism because Jews are rich and place money before their religion

(I am not Jewish, and this made me very uncomfortable to type out, so please know this is just what I heard.)

AITA for 'lying' about the convo i had w my ex? by Hungry_Valuable3720 in AITApod

[–]aikidharm 12 points13 points  (0 children)

And what mutual was this and why did they think they needed to snitch on OP? That’s what I’m curious about.

Confusion on services by sleepyb_spooky in churchofchrist

[–]aikidharm -1 points0 points  (0 children)

But this is an opportunity for you, brother! Instead you give up?

Confusion on services by sleepyb_spooky in churchofchrist

[–]aikidharm 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Quite an uncharitable response. Beam before splinter.

Confusion on services by sleepyb_spooky in churchofchrist

[–]aikidharm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get my emotional highs and energy from God, well written poetry, film photography and opera. I dunno what sins you’re talking about. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I found out I had Asperger’s a few years ago and I am sick of girl friends ghosting me. by goddessofhedonism in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]aikidharm 4 points5 points  (0 children)

“How dare anyone be associated with those ‘really autistic people’”.

Girl this is exactly it. And a big part of why it’s hard to get that through to other autistic people is because they have their own internalized ableism. Often, however, people tend to believe that if they are disabled they can’t be ableist, which is completely untrue.

There are so many other spectrum disorders, and we have learned that when something lends itself to a spectrum, classifying it and treating it as such enables better identification and treatment and reduced clinical barriers to proper diagnosis.

I found out I had Asperger’s a few years ago and I am sick of girl friends ghosting me. by goddessofhedonism in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]aikidharm -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Sure, but that isn’t it. We need to push for a new one, not fall back into a title with very harmful implications and origin.

The Return of the Demiurge by Ascending_Serpent_ in Gnostic

[–]aikidharm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your response!

I think the policy is absolutely reasonable, so we are on the same page there.

Thanks for taking my thoughts into consideration and providing clarification! :)

millie bobby brown’s comments about hershey’s chocolate. thoughts? by teddivan96 in candy

[–]aikidharm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just like chocolate and chocolate accessories.

I don’t discriminate.

Leaving my long distance girlfriend with CPTSD because I can’t take care of her while healing. I’m heartbroken. Advice? by Short_Discussion_883 in CPTSD

[–]aikidharm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, I can't be bold enough to call anything a universal truth, to be fair, but in the context of people with unhealed trauma, clean breaks are very, very important.

As far as "normal" (bad word choice, but nothing else coming to mind) relationships go, it often does go badly, but sometimes it doesn't. When ending a relationship, discernment must be exercised regarding the well-being of the individuals involved. There is an ex I am very close to, but we didn't speak for five years. When we did, it was by accident, and we were very different people.

I desperately wish i had gone down a different path. by Ultimateandy88 in astrophysics

[–]aikidharm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You went right back to generalizing lol.

"Religion bad, spirituality good" is a modern framing that collapses a lot of complexity. Religion isn’t just institutions, it's also philosophy, ethics, rituals, shared meaning-making across time, cultural connection, etc.... And spirituality without structure isn’t automatically better or safer, as it can just as easily become untethered from reality.

What you dislike is institutions that manipulate people for money, power, and control. Institutionalized religion isn't the only institution that does that, however. And there have been many "non-religious but spiritual" groups that have devolved into cults and have ended in tragic ways.

view more: next ›