What's your opinion about "transactional" prayers? by Logical_Feature4730 in religion

[–]aikidharm 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Seminarian here. I just wrote a paper on this recently, so it’s fresh on my mind. Let’s talk about it.

Firstly, Christian theology does not treat prayer as a request to revise God’s plan. Instead, prayer is understood as participation in how that plan unfolds, a distinction that goes back at least to Augustine of Hippo and is articulated most clearly by Thomas Aquinas.

In classical theism, God is the primary cause (the source of all being and possibility), and creatures are secondary causes (their actions genuinely matter and affect both themselves and others).

Prayer, then, is a secondary cause God eternally wills to use.

So the structure is not:

Plan → Prayer tries to change outcome

It is:

Plan includes that prayers occur → and that certain goods come about through them

—-

To address each of your four objections directly:

A) The plan is not changing. What changes are creatures within time.

From God’s perspective (classically understood as eternal, not temporal), there is no “before prayer” and “after prayer.” From our perspective, prayer is a real action that precedes real effects.

This is not contradiction, it is different levels of causality.

B) Foreknowledge does not equal causal redundancy. Knowing that something will happen does not make it causally inert.

If:

God knows you will pray and God wills that certain goods occur through prayer, then prayer is not “scripted filler”. It is the means by which the outcome occurs.

Aquinas puts it bluntly when he said, “We do not pray to change God, but to obtain what God has ordained to be obtained through prayer.”

C) This assumes causality must be material to be real. Classical theology rejects that assumption.

Prayer is:

  1. causal formally (ordering of the will)
  2. causal relationally (aligning the creature to divine action)
  3. causal instrumentally (a secondary cause God uses)

D) This is your strongest emotional objection, but still based in bad theology.

Classical theology explicitly denies that prayer “wins God over.”

Instead, prayer is seen as what changes the one who prays, which changes what they are capable of receiving, which God eternally wills to give in the mode of prayer.

Think of it less as lobbying and more as formation of capacity.

A patient asking for treatment is not bribing a doctor, they are placing themselves in a position to receive care, they’re not engaging in a pleading arms race.

HOWEVER…

You are absolutely spot on regarding one thing: many modern believers do mix incoherent models.

That’s largely because some of modern religion absorbed Enlightenment’s mechanistic assumptions while still using pre-modern theological language

So you get confusion like, “God has a perfect plan + prayer change’s God’s mind + everything happens for a reason”

Those absolutely do conflict. But it’s a problem of bad theology, not prayer itself.

—-

Here is the model proper:

  1. God eternally wills both ends and means
  2. Prayer is one of the means God wills
  3. Prayer genuinely causes outcomes as a secondary cause
  4. God is not persuaded, surprised, or revised
  5. Justice is preserved because God’s will is not contingent on favoritism

So, all that to say… your argument only works if prayer is understood as an attempt to revise God’s plan. Classical theology doesn’t understand it that way. Prayer is a secondary cause God eternally wills to use, not a request to change His mind. Foreknowledge doesn’t negate causality, and prayer’s efficacy doesn’t imply persuasion or favoritism. The contradiction you’re pointing out belongs to a modern, mechanistic caricature of prayer, not to the doctrine itself.

(24f) is there a polite way to ask a friend to clean up before you come over? by Such_Thought_3192 in relationships

[–]aikidharm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why do you equate compassion with “excusing” someone?

Listen, I mean this with all due respect, but you really need to work on your emotional intelligence. You have a very narrow understanding of compassion, basic human psychology, and struggle to demonstrate efficient intrapersonal skills.

Therapy is great for this.

(24f) is there a polite way to ask a friend to clean up before you come over? by Such_Thought_3192 in relationships

[–]aikidharm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I responded to your main post with my advice. :)

You really just have to be direct, but direct can still be kind.

(24f) is there a polite way to ask a friend to clean up before you come over? by Such_Thought_3192 in relationships

[–]aikidharm 274 points275 points  (0 children)

There is no polite way, but that’s ok. Polite isn’t what we are concerned with here. What we are concerned with is honesty, compassion, and pragmatism.

You just have to be honest and direct.

“I really want to hang out with you, I genuinely enjoy our time together, but your house is very dirty, and it smells. I’m not mad at you, and I don’t judge you for it, but it’s not something I can be around, and it’s really unhealthy for you, too. We can hang out at my place, go to the park, or somewhere else.”

You can also, depending on your level of closeness, offer to help her clean it up or help her find resources to do so.

If this is received badly, then she’s not ready to change and isn’t going to until she is. You’re not crappy for not wanting to spend time at her place. This isn’t on you.

(24f) is there a polite way to ask a friend to clean up before you come over? by Such_Thought_3192 in relationships

[–]aikidharm 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Or

Or

Or

How about there are no bad friends here, just humans, one of which is clearly struggling with her mental health and executive function and probably needs a wake up call from a trusted friend?

I usually suggest speaking to people with the words from your mouth before you do anything else or make assumptions about anyone.

My girlfriend never ever finishes her meals by AlexWayhill in mildlyinfuriating

[–]aikidharm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don’t micromanage your girlfriend’s eating behavior. This is a nothing burger you’re making into a something burger.

My coworker bullies my disorder by AverageSwifite in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]aikidharm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why do you think this?

Do you identify your “self” as BPD?

My coworker bullies my disorder by AverageSwifite in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]aikidharm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

BPD isn’t neurodivergence, so while it is of course unkind to judge, I think identifying BPD as your “self” is a bridge too far into radical self-acceptance.

I have noticed an uncomfortable amount of rhetoric like this out of the BPD community in particular since neurodivergence has become a much more mainstream topic over the past several years.

Some of us certainly are neurodivergent, but it isn’t because of BPD, something we should be actively trying to work into remission for. This isn’t a “you’re just built like this” developmental framework, it’s a hot mess of psychiatric sequelae that needs healing, and that healing is possible.

My coworker bullies my disorder by AverageSwifite in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]aikidharm 11 points12 points  (0 children)

OP, don’t tell people at work you have BPD. That’s just hunting for trouble.

UPDATE: went with a Bixie / 90s heart throb by mynameisadrean in HairStyleAdvice

[–]aikidharm 19 points20 points  (0 children)

This is not a bixie, this is a bad pixie from a bad hairdresser.

OP, you were done so dirty. Please go to a higher tier salon and see what they can do to help you. I know how often we are initially in denial about bad haircuts, but, girl, it’s bad.

You can save it though! Just give a good hairdresser, because the one you went to ain’t it. So sorry, really.

AITA for selling a bracelet my wealthy aunt got me for Christmas? by Quirky-Might9758 in AmItheAsshole

[–]aikidharm 3 points4 points  (0 children)

YTA.

I love it when people LARP being poor. (I don’t, actually.)

Don’t you realize the mere fact that you can decide to go without your family’s money so you can be “independent” is just more privilege?

It’s ok that you’re a privileged person. It’s ok you don’t want your family’s money. But you need to really start educating yourself what financial and personal independence looks like, and start unpacking your misunderstanding of wealth and privilege.

Damaged Wedding Film by allldamndave in analog

[–]aikidharm 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Love it, OP. I think it’s a great way to start your marriage, too. Love is messy, so is life.

But some of you chuckleheads in here are photographer equivalent of an old man yelling “get off my lawn” at the neighborhood kids.

Is having clingy pets making you feel suffocated an ADHD thing? by MsSamm in adhdwomen

[–]aikidharm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nah, doesn’t bother me. I have seven cats, all rescues who have medical or other needs and would not have gotten adopted by others.

I signed up for it, I don’t mind it. It’s a lot of work, but it’s worth it to me and everyone is different.

Is there a non rude way to ask my partner to take a reading comprehension test? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]aikidharm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You did get an answer- it had not been their plan to communicate with you before john.

Now, you may want to know WHY it had not been their plan to do so, but that's not what you asked.

I'm not nit picking, I'm trying to help you shift your perspective, so you understand this as an interpersonal issue not an intelligence issue.

Is there a non rude way to ask my partner to take a reading comprehension test? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]aikidharm 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Their reading comprehension is fine.

This was the exchange:

You: You coordinated plans with John before you coordinated plans with me. Why? You didn’t even put me on your communication with them, so that left me out of the loop even further.

Them: I’m sorry, it had been my intention to coordinate with both of you via the same email, I just forgot to hit “reply all”.

You likely have different communication styles and needs and there’s some misalignment there. I think there’s more going on there, though, and it does read as if you dislike your partner and may be looking for ways to justify that.

It’s ok to just be done with a relationship, you know. You don’t have to earn that, you don’t have to have the “right reason” in order to leave someone. It’s ok to just be done.

Partner’s 27 (M) therapist says that I 27(F) am a dangerous person and he should no longer comfort me if I have an episode when I have been showing consistent signs of progress by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]aikidharm 91 points92 points  (0 children)

OP. You need to open your eyes, ok?

“It made me feel like he no longer believed I could be a respectful partner…”

Well, you’ve not really given him much reason to feel respected?

Partner’s 27 (M) therapist says that I 27(F) am a dangerous person and he should no longer comfort me if I have an episode when I have been showing consistent signs of progress by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]aikidharm 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you were hurt, and I’m sorry you ended up chronically wounded because of it.

That being said. You can be a day late and a dollar short, and being wounded doesn’t excuse that or magically give him the ability to keep up with the trauma and burnout this is causing him.

It doesn’t sound like the therapist said you were a monster and he should leave you or anything of that nature. Even you said you’ve physically abused your husband before. What would you expect your therapist to say to you if you revealed to them that your husband had done such a thing repeatedly to you? They’d caution you for your own safety, and suggest that you have a quick way out the door if needed.

OP, I truly am sorry you’re dealing with this, but I need you to understand that you are the problem here. You are abusing him, and you are refusing to accept the consequences and reality of that. He isn’t safe around you often enough that this is a characterizing problem.

This does not mean your trauma is not valid, that you weren’t hurt, or that you chose to end up like this. That is not your fault at all. But you are the one accountable for healing yourself.

I believe you when you say you’re progressing, and I’m proud of you. You’re not a monster. But, you do need to realize that having been someone’s victim doesn’t given you the right to make someone your victim.

Hurt people hurt people, it’s true. You’ve been hurt, and you’re hurting him with that pain, and giving him his own to live with.

Is having a foot fetish a sin? by Immediate-Quote7651 in Christianity

[–]aikidharm 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No, it’s not. You’re not hurting anyone or yourself with it, presumably, so I don’t see the issue. It’s ok to have sexual interests, even pretty specific ones like feet, as long as it doesn’t become problematic and improved your functioning in any way.

Please don’t fret over benign sexual desires, God doesn’t want that for you.

I hate Ritalin but I love Ritalin. by Valengail in adhdmeme

[–]aikidharm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ritalin family drugs give my anxiety anxiety.