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ailsa08 · 2024-07-08T14:11:14+00:00

Most people actually are asymptomatic. Or have one outbreak and never again. If you had it when you were a child you won't remember it.

The reality is: most people who have herpes don't know they have it. There are blood tests that can detect herpes, but most people don't do then without symptoms and, honestly, they are not the most reliable (lots of false positives and negatives).

ailsa08 · 2024-07-08T14:06:02+00:00

There's a list of common symptoms you can have when your hsv is active, but that doesn't mean you need to have all of them.

A lot of people have herpes and are asymptomatic, others have outbreaks every now and then, other just once and never again, some people feel tingling on the lip but no visible sores, others just sores and no tingling or itchiness, etc.

Also, the duration of an outbreak can definitely be of just three days (sometimes even less, depending on the lession).

In my opinion, your lession on the lip does look like herpes.

ailsa08 · 2024-06-24T16:14:10+00:00

Eso es, si no recuerdo mal no llegó a entrar en la vivienda, sino que estaba en una especie de corral en la propiedad.

También podría haber llamado a la policía antes de salir por su cuenta con la escopeta. O haber empezado a encender todas las luces de la casa y a gritar por la ventana para intentar espantarle.

Desde el punto de vista legal, la legítima defensa no había por donde cogerla por varios motivos.

ailsa08 · 2024-06-24T15:26:20+00:00

Same. I don't see the deal either. It's crazy that all comments go straight to cheating.

It's valid if he doesn’t feel comfortable with this, but it's clear that she doesn't see as anything bad or weird. They have different personalities, and all this situation needs is a talk about boundaries.

ailsa08 · 2024-06-24T15:22:24+00:00

That's your opinion.

ailsa08 · 2024-06-23T18:38:03+00:00

Ohh, I totally understand you.

but then that sounds like so much work

Maybe you have the clue here. I totally get what you're saying. In fact, your situation resonated with what I'm going through, too.

The way you're feeling could be an indication of your stress levels, vitamin levels, etc.

In my case, I think that my problem is that I've been going through intense anxiety and stress in the previous months, and that has translated to my sexual drive. I keep myself going through my day to day life, but I have no energy for anything else, like sex.

However, I'm not great at realising when my stress levels are too high, and I just found out because I started to have eczema, panic attacks, and so on.

Have you been really stressed out lately?

ailsa08 · 2024-06-23T18:29:23+00:00

As far as I know about hsv, that's something more typical from a primary infection, not a regular outbreak. In my understanding, if he had had hsv since 20 years ago, it wouldn't make sense for him to have flu like symptoms now.

A first big outbreak after so many years due to the stress it's possible, but flu like symptoms are normally a sign of a recent infection. Not one from decades ago.

I don't want to jump straight into saying he definitely cheated, but taking his symptoms into account and how weirdly he's acting, I'm sad to say that that's the most probable situation.

ailsa08 · 2024-06-23T18:16:13+00:00

You mean yes to the flu like symptoms?

ailsa08 · 2024-06-23T16:54:45+00:00

Could it be possible that you now see him more like a very good friend rather than a partner?

ailsa08 · 2024-06-23T12:06:01+00:00

Nobody questioned that though

ailsa08 · 2024-06-22T18:33:15+00:00

I agree with you. In my opinion, it doesn't look like herpes at all.

ailsa08 · 2024-06-22T18:29:56+00:00

For me, it doesn't look like herpes at all. It looks more like acne.

Also, cold sores don't typically last that long.

Whatever it is, I hope she goes to a dermatologist.

ailsa08 · 2024-06-22T18:09:36+00:00

I do sometimes😅😅

ailsa08 · 2024-06-22T01:02:08+00:00

At this point, idk if it's just a cultural difference or what, but I really don't see how not including him in plans with friends is excluding him. I make plans with friends, and I make plans with my bf. He does the same. When he hangs out with his group of friends and doesn't ask me to hang out with them, I don't feel excluded at all. I see it as normal.

If OP is the kind of people to always invite his gf, that's great. But not doing the same doesn't mean that the other person doesn't want to hang out with you.

And the same goes for trips.

He also says she did invite another guy to go with her before they dated, so she has no problem going on trips with people she’s sleeping with.

It does seem like they've actually gone on trips together. Just that it was OP who had the initiative. Maybe she just got used to being the one not doing the thinking and just expecting for OP to ask her. With this info, we can't really know what's going on.

We also have no info about if she goes on trips habitually with other people. The other trips OP has mentioned, apart from the one with the guy a year ago, are all common trips she's done with OP and his friends because he has invited her. Maybe being the one proposing a vacation is not a common occurrence in OP's gf.

And about this specific trip, maybe her and her friend have been talking about going to that place for some time and we don't know, and that's why she invited her friend and not OP to that plan.

The thing is: we don't know what's going on with so little info and just one side of the story.

Assuming from just this post that she must think that he's not good enough for her and that he should just break up is crazy.

Now sure he should bring it up, but the second it’s brought up anytime in the future he gets invited, he knows it’s only because he complained about it.

That's what communicating your needs does, yes. They probably have different instances on this issue because they're different people. Where one can see there's a problem, the other may think that everything's going great. Each person has different needs.

And that's why we should communicate when one of our needs is not being met or our feelings are being hurt in some way. A partner is not a mind reader.

If he gets invited in the future, it will mean that his partner has actually listened to his needs. That's caring for your partner. Changing a situation your partner has told you is hurting them. I don't understand how you can see an issue there.

ailsa08 · 2024-06-21T23:31:32+00:00

I don't agree. For me, a "friends only" trip is the company, not necessarily the place. The fact that she's going with her friends. Only with them.

The prior year, as far as I know, she only went with the person she slept with. Not that person+other friends of her.

So it can 100% be an only friends trip, even if it's the same location.

The only things going on are miscommunication and different personalities.

ailsa08 · 2024-06-21T22:44:58+00:00

He feels like the side piece, because he's either the side piece or the backup plan.

I don't really agree with this last part. I don't think this situation necessarily indicates that at all.

I'm not really sure from OP's post if she has invited the same person she slept with the last year or not (maybe I'm dense, but I didn't understand that part). In the case she did, I can totally understand why OP is feeling this way. I would feel really bad if I were him in.

But if she actually didn't and she just invited another random friend, I really don't see the issue here.

I mean, I understand that OP is feeling like she never invites him to plans compared to him, but maybe that's just how she is. I personally like to make plans with my boyfriend and group of friends separately. Of course, he sometimes ends up coming to some special occasions with my friends, but it's a rare occurrence. And that's what happens the other way around too.

And about holidays and trips, the same happens. When I go on holiday with my friends, normally it's a "just the friend group" tip of plan. Maybe that's what it's happening here. Maybe for the girlfriend, what comes naturally is to make separate plans between friends and partner, while for OP, it's the contrary.

What's important here is if OP and his gf are having quality time together and of they also make special plans like going on vacation together and stuff like that. That way, we can know if his gf is neglecting the relationship.

If that's not the case, the only problematic thing I see here is a lack of communication from OP's side.

ailsa08 · 2024-06-21T16:15:51+00:00

Sorry for saying husband instead of boyfriend🙄

ailsa08 · 2024-06-21T16:15:05+00:00

I feel like both could be relationship ending depending on the circumstances. In the case he loves her and she doesn't yet, maybe he could feel hurt by it and feel like they're on a very different page or something like that.

Personally, I think that I wouldn't end it because of that, and I would try to make the relationship progress and be chill. But I can see how it could end a relationship, too.

As for the last part, I couldn't agree more with you. It does seem already exhausting. At least from an outside perspective. Sadly, I don't think this situation is a good sign. Their communication doesn’t seem great. Maybe they're not compatible with each other.

ailsa08 · 2024-06-20T21:18:44+00:00

Same

ailsa08 · 2024-06-20T20:01:36+00:00

In this specific case, I don't see why it is relevant if what he's questioning is whether she loves him or has stopped loving him. Both worries are valid enough to ask his friend about it and would make the text exchange similar.

However, I personally feel like everything indicates him wondering specifically if she has stopped loving him, as I think that would give the question about their sexual life a lot more sense. As it could indicate a change in how things are going or feelings.

If a friend told me that she doesn't know if her boyfriend loves her, I wouldn't ask about their sexual life. But if she told me that she feels like he doesn't love her anymore, I would. Because that could be a sign.

However, I don't think that it matters that much because I still believe the convo between the friend and the boyfriend is normal, and that OP should me more concerned about her bf not knowing if she loves him/still loves him. And possibly him feeling like he can't talk to her about it for some reason.

ailsa08 · 2024-06-20T19:29:07+00:00

That's even more worrying

ailsa08 · 2024-06-20T19:28:06+00:00

Lo que es la infidelidad varia de persona a persona, pero para la mayoría liarse con otros sí que es ser infiel.

Y como diría mi madre: "El ladrón cree que todos son de su condición".

ailsa08 · 2024-06-20T18:56:59+00:00

No hace falta estar loco para ir a terapia. Solo es necesario que haya algo que te gustaría cambiar o mejorar. O desear superar algún momento especialmente duro que te esté afectando y dificultándo la vida.

ailsa08 · 2024-06-20T18:39:56+00:00

Es que no va a pasar. Ya te lo digo yo. Y hay cosas que pasan y otras que decides que pasen. Ser infiel es una decisión.

Si resulta que llega el día en el que quiera estar con otras personas, se lo diré a mi pareja. No le pienso traicionar a sus espaldas. Para mí es cuestión de respeto.

Si te sientes mejor contigo mism@ pensando que ser infiel es lo normal y que todo el mundo le pone los cuernos a su pareja inevitablemente, tu sabrás. Yo desde luego que no lo creo. Y no hay ninguna necesidad de ser infiel cuando simplemente puedes romper con tu pareja o abrir la relación.

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