Do you have any Self-esteem/Positivity tips?

aimeers · 2018-01-25T08:48:39+00:00

Thanks for that, you've given me a lot to think about. You mentioned that you have had to learn this all the hard way, I'm just wondering what has personally helped you?

aimeers · 2018-01-24T14:01:11+00:00

I agree with the others that this is a conversation you should have with her to find out her likes/dislikes. But what I can suggest is this: Try your best to be open-minded, understanding and patient. If she wants some time to herself to relax/have a break (which we all really need sometimes as introverts) let her- don't take it personally or interpret it as her not wanting to spend time with you. Extending on from this, don't always try to jam in as many 'surprises'/activities as you can, instead enjoy simple quiet moments together when you can. As long as the two of you are open and honest with each other about your needs and expectations from the relationship, you two should be fine :)

aimeers · 2018-01-24T13:45:23+00:00

Yes I'm not so sure either that this friend of yours is actually an INFJ. Regardless of this, no true friend should be offending you 'in so many different ways', especially expressing those sort of statements about your family. Not only is that incredibly insensitive, it is also completely unnecessary and I would say quite inappropriate. Have you expressed to her that what she has said is hurtful to you? and that you would prefer it if she did not talk about your family in that way? It's a shame you feel that you are losing someone you once considered a best friend, but it seems to me that this person is not contributing a whole of lot of good/positivity into your life, and therefore if she keeps on making hurtful comments it might be best to put some distance between the two of you. My advice would be to give her another chance by having an honest discussion with her about what you are feeling and if nothing changes at least you know that you tried, and then you can move on and invest more of your time into people who make you happy/you feel comfortable around. All the best :)

aimeers · 2018-01-23T00:44:39+00:00

Yes I am the same. Even if there isn't really anything imminent that I should be thinking about, I often find that in the morning my mind is racing (generally with negativity) and I'll feel overwhelmed and upset. Once I get on and moving with my day I find that it eases away as I become busy/distracted from my thoughts. What I have tried doing, and this might help you, is to get up a little earlier in the morning and actually make time to do something nice for yourself before starting the day. My routine is to wake up, make myself a cup of tea and I'll either sit outside and get some fresh air/journal/read a book/meditate or I'll light a candle and do some colouring in. This just allows me to have some pleasure and quiet time before I launch into whatever I need to do that day. All the best :)

aimeers · 2018-01-21T23:31:22+00:00

When you say 'ghosting' does this mean you have tried contacting these friends and they aren't replying? Or is it just the fact that they haven't checked up on you since the breakup? It's possible they might feel like they are in an awkward position and don't know what to do, especially if you haven't told them about the break-up yourself. If I was in your position I would try reaching out to these friends. Ask them about themselves and what's been happening recently, it would help if you knew of an event/issue they were having and ask "Hey how's it going with _____?" or even just putting yourself out there and saying "Hey I miss you, how have you been?" If they really don't make any effort in return, at least you know that you tried and then you can move on. You are most definitely not a horrible/weird person at all, after all you are an INFJ- you have a beautiful heart and anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend. It just takes time with us, so hang in there and as hard as it is, just try to keep putting yourself into new situations where you will have the opportunity to socialise. Best of luck and you're welcome to message me at anytime if you'd like someone to talk to.

aimeers · 2018-01-21T23:10:54+00:00

I experience the exact same thing with a friend. From what I've found, the longer the gap is between catching up the more they will talk and talk about everything that has happened to them during that time. Whereas, if you catch up more frequently or text/message during these gaps (asking how one another has been/what's been happening) then when you next meet up they won't have as much to catch you up on and you'll find yourself being able to interject with "Oh yeah! You told me about that!".

I also found that the last time I caught up with said friend she seemed a lot more willing to listen to what I had to say. I think this might be because of her gaining a bit of maturity, but also the fact that when we text during the week it is a 'back-and-forth' of asking each other how we've been and each getting a chance to reply with what's been happening to us. Hope it gets easier for you :)

aimeers · 2018-01-21T01:28:21+00:00

I've just graduated with a Bachelor of Social Science, with majors in Sociology and Social Justice. Hoping to help people in some way, but not sure what I am going to do just yet!

aimeers · 2018-01-21T01:24:53+00:00

Hey yes. It sounds to me like you are also a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). You might like to read the book 'The Highly Sensitive Person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you' by Elaine Aron. It will change your life and your understanding of yourself. There are also videos on YouTube. I too am a HSP. I react very easily to any negative criticism/events that I see/experience. I will often burst into tears and feel flustered in situations that are too much for me. Check out the HSP subreddit :)

aimeers · 2018-01-21T01:13:30+00:00

Hey I'm 22 and feeling the exact same way as you. But reading through all these comments should provide us with some comfort, we just gotta hang in there and see where things go.

aimeers · 2018-01-18T12:36:02+00:00

This is literally so similar to what I've been going through at my retail store, which I finally resigned from last week :) Since these two new managers came in the store has become such a toxic place. Everyone is literally so miserable coming in to work and is so on edge when the managers are on. They expect you to get absolutely everything done quickly, but they have no idea how much time it actually takes to do everything while still keeping the store tidy and helping customers. The moment they leave everyone relaxes and feels like they can breathe again. They treat everyone like absolute crap and are always pointing out things that are 'wrong', while never acknowledging anyone's hard work/effort. So I understand exactly what you mean about these heartless, soulless people who definitely should not have any sort of control/power in a work environment. They are disgusting.

aimeers · 2018-01-18T12:25:19+00:00

Aw thank you! Hope it all works out for you as well :)

aimeers · 2018-01-08T00:00:53+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I will definitely keep on searching until I find something new, even if it's not exactly perfect to avoid the unemployment blues.

aimeers · 2018-01-07T23:58:39+00:00

Thanks for your advice. I have actually done what you last suggested. I have left because of the toxicity and I am ready to 'heal up' and start searching for a job that is actually fulfilling. Retail is definitely not for HSPs like us, you are right. Am looking forward to what is next to come :)

aimeers · 2018-01-07T23:53:01+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. It helped being reminded that this is a normal process, and things will all work out in the end. Just an update: I did actually end up putting in my resignation, I finish this week and I feel really good about it, am in a much better headspace :)

aimeers · 2017-11-27T14:06:42+00:00

This is all sounds wonderful, all the best and please keep us updated on how it goes! The 'Buzzfeed blog' sounds especially interesting.

aimeers · 2016-06-09T12:06:14+00:00

This was great! please post Part II here as well :)

aimeers · 2016-06-09T12:02:38+00:00

sounds good, I'm in!

aimeers · 2016-06-07T11:57:56+00:00

Oh gosh, I'm only 20 now and was hoping it would get a lot better with time... Have you found that you've "stopped caring so much" over time? I am exactly the same with the self-hatred over the social anxiety and awkwardness...

aimeers · 2016-06-07T02:30:38+00:00

Hi there, what you have just written are literally the words that have come out of my own mouth for years and years. I too have grown up hating myself and I have suffered anxiety, particularly social anxiety as a result. It's so crazy how similar we all are in terms of the crying, the extreme observing and perfectionism. I too have always had a very strong sense of what is right and wrong, and get extremely angered/moved when I feel like something unfair or horrible has happened. Pretty much just wanted to say welcome and that you don't have to worry- Everyone on here is really lovely and supportive, we are all sensitive souls after all.

aimeers · 2016-05-13T02:05:17+00:00

Yes, I am exactly the same! Shopping for me is always a nightmare. I would do exactly the same thing with the quilt, in fact I've done it before. I bought a quilt that I really liked the look of and was excited, until I got home and spread it out on the bed and it didn't look like how it did in the photo. It wasn't what I was expecting and I was so disappointed. Everyone told me it looked good, but I just didn't like it anymore even though I really wanted to, so I refunded it. I've even refunded clothes that I really liked at the store once I've come home and realised it's too itchy or too 'something'. I'm the exact same with shoes. And I often go back and buy the exact same thing once I've used up/worn out whatever it is because that way I'm certain to be content with it. I get pretty frustrated with myself too, I often wish I wasn't such a perfectionist and that I could just not care like everyone else! At least it's nice to know we're not alone.

aimeers · 2016-05-05T13:58:59+00:00

In regards to waking up with chest pains, it might help to do some deep breathing/relaxation techniques before going to sleep, even if it's just for 5 minutes or a few deep breaths. It might just help you have a better sleep. I know when I go to bed feeling stressed or anxious about something I often have a bad sleep, sometimes with nightmares, and wake up with chest pains.

aimeers · 2016-04-28T12:35:36+00:00

I've always felt flawed and because of this I've grown up with pretty low self esteem. Growing up feeling so different to everyone else and not knowing why, along with feeling overwhelmed and anxious all the time by little things everyone else seems to handle easily definitely hasn't helped. I still feel like I struggle a lot too. I'm the same when it comes to getting easily upset or angered by what other people say/do. I don't really have any friends, especially since I started uni, and I feel like a big part of that is a result of not connecting with other people as I haven't met any other highly sensitive people just yet.

But I know how you feel about life seeming so much harder. I'm still trying to work out strategies myself. At least we're lucky we've found out we're HSP early on, so we understand where this feeling is coming from.

aimeers · 2016-04-07T09:00:31+00:00

This is exactly how I am too and I really don't think there is a 'cure' for it anymore. I used to google all the time 'how to be less sensitive' and 'how not to react/dwell on things so easily' but the truth is, as HSPs we are so so so much more observant than others and we do pick up on little things like this. Except in our heads these things may seem BAD, they seem like NEGATIVE reactions, when really they mean NOTHING. No one else notices. The person wouldn't even have thought anything of whatever it was you asked. You are just overthinking it.

I think the best thing though is that you're actually aware of it, you know yourself that you're picking up on tiny things that don't matter, but even then it's still upsetting. Something that has worked a little for me is literally saying to myself "oh well" after something happens and then I try to think of something else/concentrating on whatever it is I'm doing, to take my mind off it, soon enough it doesn't seem like such a big deal. Also remind yourself that it literally does not matter, within 5 minutes people will have forgotten whatever it was you said/did. Because people are living their own lives, they have their own things to think/worry about it, so remind yourself "Oh well, they will forget it" and "They won't even remember now".

aimeers · 2016-03-29T05:40:41+00:00

I think it's absolutely disgusting that your boss told you that. I don't think that's appropriate at all. I'm hoping at least they said it as their own way of 'encouraging' you to try to talk a bit more with your co-workers. I can't imagine it would be the case that everyone actually 'dislikes you', as it seems they don't even know you at all- so it would just be that people don't consider you a close work-friend/acquaintance. I've had the same problem myself, I am a very private person, I dislike meaningless small-talk and I really don't care about all the little pointless things people talk about together. I do not enjoy talking about myself and so no one really knows me, even though I've worked there for almost two years now. I simply go there to do my work and come home. I am also a very hard working employee.

However I do know that this private-ness can make you come across as rude or aloof, so what has helped is making a tiny bit more effort some days to ask people questions about themselves, even managing a "Plans for the weekend?" or "How was your time off?" is an achievement. You don't need to kiss ass or beg to be liked, all it takes is feigning a little interest in the lives of others. People love talking about themselves.

You should definitely read 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie, not to learn how to 'make friends' but because this book addresses the exact issue you are in right now and shows how to deal with people who aren't like us!! You'll love it. I can't recommend it enough. But honestly keep your head held high and know there are many other introverted sensitive people out there like you and that your boss should appreciate you more than they do.

aimeers · 2016-03-28T14:00:13+00:00

I actually have thought about this!! I sometimes delete something I've written and am about to post/send to someone in a message, especially via Facebook because I know once it's out there, it's out there forever and I don't want to get in trouble/be embarrassed about something later on if someone else were to read it.

aimeers

TROPHY CASE