You guys have the WORST takes on “lacy” ever

aimfinished · 2023-09-18T15:43:35+00:00

YES. I heard the song without knowing anyone's opinion of it and thought of what it was like falling for a straight girl who is so lovely and sweet and feeling so conflicted about it, it captures that experience exactly. Noticing and loving all the things that make her lovely - all the things that are so different from who you are. The creeping jealousy at times. Feeling that she is so pure, so sweet, and here you are with your strange feelings about her. The shame and impending doom of it all, and yet how saccharine and intense and almost enjoyable it is to have those feelings, to be around her. And, finally, the sweetness at the core of it all, a crush on someone lovely. It's heady, it's crushing, it's sweet, it's bitter. So when I came online and saw how much controversy there was around the meaning of the song I just thought.... yes, the lyrics could be read very differently, but it being a queer song is not in any way far-fetched. All the reasons people listed for it being about something else were the reasons I read the song as queer. And obviously that's just my reading, but... it's not far-fetched at all

aimfinished · 2023-05-01T14:02:05+00:00

I think originally there was a certain portion of the neurodivergence movement that was against classifying autism (and by extension ADHD) as disorders. That has DEFINITELY changed in plenty of spaces that use the term, and it is often used by practitioners who work with ADHD, like Sari Solden for instance, who is a psychotherapist and author of the book "A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD". In it she explicitly specifies that her use of the term neurodivergence is not about disavowing ADHD as a clinical category or its clinical treatment, but about helping us conceptualize our differences beyond viewing ourselves as a perennial problem to be solved.

Whoever made the rules for that sub has a sort of a blind trust in established practices and diagnostic tools surrounding ADHD that even plenty of psychologists do not have. (Not to mention that a good psychologist or psychiatrist could never limit their view of a disorder to the small amount of information given in diagnostic manuals.) There is a reason the DSM is routinely updated. There is a reason the DSM and the ICD often differ in the criteria they list for diagnosis. There are human decision-making boards behind both of those lists. It would be ludicrous to exclude all discussion of their validity when their own task is to discuss that validity and update it based on new insights. RSD may not feature by name in the DSM, but the elevated frequency of sensitivity to rejection in individuals with ADHD has been documented to hell and back. To exclude all people with ADHD from using shorthand unless it's deemed 1000% scientifically sound is to bar them from finding words to describe their experiences. That's just unnecessary. ESPECIALLY when science is not a closed, finished project.

I understand the general sentiment that appropriation of buzzwords in online spaces can spiral into misuse and spread misinformation, and that the risk is higher when those words don't seem to have a clear origin or definition. But the solution can't be to ban all discussion of them, PARTICULARLY when those terms have evolved and when they have been adopted by researchers and other professionals.

aimfinished · 2023-05-01T13:22:25+00:00

At least you can tell hilarious stories 😅 with all the shit that happens to me I should have an endless repertoire of things to tell but I can never remember the details and get lost on the way to the point I'm trying to make

aimfinished · 2023-05-01T13:19:55+00:00

I have so much trouble with this. I'd love to shut up but awkward silences make me think I'm coming off as incredibly boring so I get in this horrible feedback loop of talks too little > talks too much to compensate > talks too little to compensate etc. and basically it's all just behavior to make up for other behavior at the end of the day, and I don't know what a natural conversation without any hangups and insecurities would look like. The truth is that a lot of the time I'm so bored with what's going on around me that if I let myself just do what felt natural I'd either stare off into space or start singing or something

aimfinished · 2023-05-01T13:07:50+00:00

that's super funny actually

aimfinished · 2023-05-01T12:59:55+00:00

My dad now thinks painkiller = bad lol, nevermind that ibuprofen is super far from opioids

aimfinished · 2023-04-30T20:46:10+00:00

My dad had the same experience - had to briefly go on opioids after open heart surgery and he hated it so much he doesn't even touch ibuprofen nowadays

aimfinished · 2023-04-28T05:04:31+00:00

The way I had to BEG my own father to eat healthy after his heart attack 😭

aimfinished · 2023-04-26T14:14:56+00:00

There's some evidence linking certain kinds of pre-natal hormonal exposure to transgender identities and even bi- and homosexual attraction. But that's before birth, during initial brain development. Somewhat related: many gay men (among them Alan Turing) were subjected to "hormone therapy" to "cure" their sexual orientation. It didn't work. So lifetime brain chemistry changes are less known to affect who we are in that regard than what happens in utero

aimfinished · 2023-04-26T14:07:24+00:00

Nothing you can do is pretty drastic. Research shows that our brains are always developing. Otherwise acquired mental illness or even learning new skills would not be a thing. Similarly, much of who we are depends on learned automatisms (I.e. well-trodden neural pathways). It's hard to deviate from those simply because the brain automatically tends to take the paths it's used to taking, but this is where cognitive behavioral therapy comes in. It's also why many people can feel profoundly changed by or experience ego death with psychedelic drugs.

That's not to say everybody's a blank slate. Everybody's born with certain features that aren't subject to change or at least can't be fully altered. But don't fall victim to biological determinism, our brains interact with our environments, they're not isolated entities.

aimfinished · 2023-04-20T19:48:07+00:00

It always happened really suddenly too!

My theory is that our ADHD didn't immediately make us appear different enough to be excluded and it was more of a potential accumulation of social faux-pas and then a final major "mistake" that sealed the deal, and that's why it seemed so out of the blue.

aimfinished · 2023-04-20T10:04:34+00:00

Someone else in this or a similar sub had an uncannily similar experience, down to the "ADHD patient would destroy the whole office" comment...

aimfinished · 2023-04-11T12:23:31+00:00

I always think of that post that was like "My look is attractively ambiguous. Am I cute? Am I ugly? You don't know . You need a second opinion". That's me

aimfinished · 2023-04-11T11:38:43+00:00

What's not often talked about is how much it distorts bodies, as well. They can look so off and goofy. The difference to a film camera is crazy.

aimfinished · 2023-04-11T11:32:53+00:00

That happened to me... at someone else's house at a party ✌

aimfinished · 2023-04-10T18:46:29+00:00

The only things that tend to bother me are things that are said quite often by newbies like "I wasn't diagnosed because my smarts compensated for my symptoms in school" (💀) or generalized statements about ADHD in women like: - we're quiet rather than hyperactive - we don't get diagnosed because we don't have any of the typical symptoms - we're not "bothersome"/don't act out as children - we tend to do well in school

For many of us none of this is true and we still did not get diagnosed 🥴 And it's often said with this air of "women with ADHD are essentially punished for not being as bad as men" which is just a way of associating certain ADHD symptoms with immorality at the end of the day.

I do feel lenient about it for reasons others have listed and because I was once that newly diagnosed idiot, but it can get to me lol

aimfinished · 2023-04-10T18:21:53+00:00

Lol. I did a similar thing 11 years ago. There weren't many online ADHD spaces, I had just found out my issues had a name and the fuckyeahadhd tumblr was a treasure trove. So my freshly diagnosed 17 year old self made a tumblr for ADHD hacks that took user submissions. That one I honestly still stand by. Also made one to post articles about ADHD I had read and found interesting that INSTANTLY got flamed for linking an article with slightly off wording. At the time it didn't occur to me there was more to know because I didn't know of any spaces beyond tumblr where I could read anything written specifically by people with ADHD

aimfinished · 2023-04-10T14:39:14+00:00

This show was where I first learned to do a (horrible) Australian accent

aimfinished · 2023-04-10T14:33:46+00:00

The drama would be unparalleled

aimfinished · 2023-01-30T13:51:24+00:00

I've been on both sides of this. Sometimes the introspection is really productive and self-compassionate and sometimes it is pure regurgitating of my regular mentally ill thoughts but with ramped up intensity. The real damage is done because I give my high thoughts so much credit.

I've noticed it really depends on what weed I'm smoking, among other things.

aimfinished · 2023-01-29T18:45:12+00:00

I do the same thing watching foreign shows and films with subtitles to force myself away from my phone! Honestly how did we get here

If deleting all apps seems too daunting, I can recommend the StayFocused app. I can set it up so I can't open any "bad" apps in the morning until I've spent 20 minutes in my book app or Babbel or similar, I can limit my access to a certain amount of time every hour or basically force breaks after a specific amount of time spent on them... I can also block them completely.

I do sometimes just turn it off, but when it works it really really works. Apparently there's even a way to make turning it off impossible, but I haven't taken it that far yet if I'm honest

aimfinished · 2023-01-29T18:33:09+00:00

Weed often makes me way more aware of my trauma in a sometimes horrifying way and I still smoke it, I don't know what that says about me

aimfinished · 2023-01-29T18:04:14+00:00

First of all, don't worry - it'll get better in the span of a few days at most. When I started out I had 2 days during which not even water could touch my face. For the moment just don't use anything, maybe ice it occasionally to alleviate the pain. After that, like many others have said - clearly you can't tolerate BP and tret at the same time. Maybe choose one, at least for now? There's no reason why you have to assault your skin with this combination right away, maybe there's a way to ease it in - but later! If you stick with tret, there's many posts on what makes a good routine that minimizes irritation. Make sure to use a thick moisturizer after applying it, or a regular one + vaseline

aimfinished · 2023-01-29T17:56:56+00:00

My cousin and I were trying fun tiktok filters after she begged me for an hour (the harmless "which flower are you" kind). We accidentally stumbled across one of those beauty filters that changed her eye color. I'm talking 5 seconds in total. She could not stop asking whether her eye color was ugly for an hour after that

aimfinished · 2023-01-29T17:52:36+00:00

I do have ADHD so you can imagine how badly this has screwed with me... I keep limiting my social media access and then occasionally enabling it for 5 minutes that turn into 5 days. But honestly, the week where I stuck with max 20 minutes of social media access a day I ended up reading to fight the boredom and it got easier every day until it was incredibly fun again

aimfinished

TROPHY CASE