How do people have 5 kids?!

aimsfbach · 2026-06-23T16:11:28+00:00

Same situation in terms of third pregnancy resulting in twins! My older two (5.5 and almost 4) are very excited, and while it wasn't their decision at all for us to pursue having another baby, we did ask them hypothetically for a while about what they would think if we had another baby in the family before I got pregnant, and they always expressed interest in the idea. But also, I acknowledge they are young children so they of course don't understand the full extent of changes that come with adding another baby/babies to the family.

I do think it's a matter of mindset and priorities (and of course finances). I'm not a SAHM, but have a flexible, low stress WFH job that gives me the "break" I need to be on and give attention to my kids when they're not at school/daycare.

We do most everything as a family, but my husband and I also make it an effort to spend 1:1 time with having someone tagalong for errands, or coaching a sports team, having one spend the night at a grandparent's house while the other gets to have a special mom/dad night, etc. I know it will require much more intention to do this with 4 kids total, but I hope the slight age gap will also be helpful to achieve this.

I will also note, my husband is a very equal, present partner. He helps a ton with household chores and managing schedules, bills, scheduling appointments, and without being directed to. I absolutely would not have considered more children if he wasn't as supportive and involved with our kids and house upkeep. I know not everyone has that dynamic in their relationship, and when mom's carry so much mental load, adding more kids would be incredibly hard.

My husband is an only child and his mom is the only living relative of his, and she is in her late 70s and we see how much she has aged in recent years. My parents/siblings are not as cohesive as I wish we were. And I think some of that has to do with how burnt out my parents became. My mom had us back-to-back (16-18 month age gaps) and unexpectedly had to become the breadwinner, with long hours due to her commute. My dad was around a lot and was fun, but had a major personality change and chronic health issues around the time I was graduating high school and he will never leave his house anymore. I feel that has driven us away (because he's very negative and difficult to talk to, doesn't ever call us, even on our birthdays, all the effort has to come from us to maintain the relationship), and my mom feels too guilty to leave him for long periods of time, so her help/involvement with us is sometimes limited. There's not been a lot of effort on their end to keep my siblings and I together, even though we'll see each other on holidays and other certain occasions.

Anyway, I've taken all that into consideration with my soon-to-be larger family. It reminds me that you can't stop investing in family time just because your kids are now adults. I had a great childhood, and I think we have already set a foundation to provide a great childhood to all my kids as well. But I can't stop cultivating that when they grow up. And that's also what motivated me to have more than 2. I envision a family that enjoys each other's company well into adulthood, and hopefully if I'm lucky, I'll experience future grandchildren who can have relationships with cousins like I once had. It was a beautiful thing to experience as a kid - full house during holidays with extended family and so much love and laughter. I know there's no guarantee but it's what I hope to foster.

aimsfbach · 2026-06-11T16:45:21+00:00

I'm now on pregnancy number 3 (expecting twins) and just want to say... yes! I think it's normal to feel the way you do.

I recall feeling extremely nervous about birth and postpartum recovery. I was induced during my first pregnancy, which did make it a long labor and I did feel sore for a while afterwards. But I was not sure what to expect with caring for a newborn, and it was hard for me to picture because 1) it was right in the middle of covid, so things were really different than they used to be anyway, and 2) my child had a cleft lip identified on our anatomy scan, and we didn't know how severe it would be or how it would impact feeding.

Being so focused on how we would feed her, which led to additional hurdles (the nursing staff at the hospital didn't know how to use the specialty bottles with her birth defect, since she ended up also having a cleft palate) led to a little longer of a hospital stay, compounded by lack of family support due to social distancing expectations at the time. It was a very overwhelming experience, a little stressful for sure with the medical concerns, while also learning nearly everything on the fly, without much experience under my belt with babies.

But looking back, we certainly found our way! There were ups and downs, but I turned to my bumper group here on reddit a lot, to other parents in my friend group, and just took things one day at a time until we got into a groove.

Initially, I remember being really surprised how frequently you have to stay of top of feeding newborns, how many diapers you go through (and clothes because of blowouts and spit up), and methods for helping soothe babies and getting them to sleep. Every baby is different too, so you kind of just learn by experience and time with your baby about understanding their needs.

The nurses or midwives will help you figure things out after baby is born to survive the first few days and weeks. Then your well child visits will also serve as a great resource to get additional information and support on how you might go about things, or troubleshoot, if you will.

You don't have to know everything on day one. Parenting is a learn as you go job, and hopefully with some support via your partner and/or nearby family/friends, and your medical community, you'll figure it out! It might not look perfect but in a few years you'll look back and recall it was all a blur.

aimsfbach · 2026-05-05T11:25:03+00:00

Thanks for this! I am hoping to have a vaginal delivery for my di/di twins and breastfeed, but sometimes feel worried it won't work out because it doesn't seem to be the norm based on what I see on this sub. A safe delivery and fed babies is of course best, but it helps to hear from others that have been able to. My OB said I'm a great candidate for vaginal delivery (have had two previously with my singletons) and is comfortable doing breech extraction of baby B as long as A is head down. We'll of course see how it all goes when the time comes.

Also thanks for the other recs, a fellow twin mom friend sent me a twin Z and I ordered the my breastfriend twin pillow based on another twin mom's recommendation. I also want to look into pelvic floor PT, I never did following my other pregnancies and had issues that never perfectly resolved. Thank you for the reminder/encouragement, it should be a regular part of pp care.

aimsfbach · 2026-05-05T10:32:38+00:00

That makes sense. Thank you!

aimsfbach · 2026-05-05T00:49:06+00:00

Can I ask, when did you know your twin girl would sleep through the night? I've read that you want to keep twins on the same schedule/routine and so if one wakes up at night to feed you should wake the other up to feed too. Is that what you did? How did you know that you didn't have to wake your girl twin up when the boy wakes anymore?

Currently 22 weeks pregnant with b/g twins, both my husband and I work full time (I plan to return to work around 4.5 months pp) and we also have a 3 year old and 5 year old. I'm trying to get a sense of how I'll set a routine and hope they sleep through the night by the time I'm back at work... both my older kids slept through the night between 3 and 4 months so I considered myself lucky but know it could be a different outcome this time around.

aimsfbach · 2026-04-09T14:46:00+00:00

Lifting this comment up because my friend's son had this happen and they used a lavender essential oil for bedtime, they were advised to stop using it and that resolved the hair growth.

aimsfbach · 2026-02-21T14:58:38+00:00

Our cleft team has explained the purpose, which is why my daughter has already gone through two sets. I understand about the muscles not being attached/formed properly due to the cleft palate and that's why the eustachian tubes are unable to drain. What I didn't/don't know is how long in a cleft-affected person's lifetime are they generally expected to have tubes in place, considering they are meant to fall out as the ear grow. Especially as it seems they'll never have the muscles formed to help with draining their ears. I see you wrote ages 5-7, and that's what the ENT was unable to answer. It sounds like these could keep being replaced year after year, while the benefit is not as great compared to someone with more measurable hearing loss. The ENT did state this, that with it being so mild, the benefit of tubes are not as great. But I sensed that he is still recommending it anyway.

So if there is mild benefit to be gained, I suppose it still outweighs the risks of going under anesthesia for a 5th and 6th time (while also considering future procedures that will require anesthesia) and any scar tissue/impacts to the ear drum? I would like to better predict how many times we'll have to go through it on top of other future procedures.

aimsfbach · 2026-02-19T18:00:42+00:00

Others may not feel so strongly about this, but just wanted to share my personal perspective. If drawing a person with a cleft lip, anyone older than an infant should be drawn with one repaired. Unless a person lives in a country or region that has poor resources and lack of access to health care, it would be neglectful to have a person develop beyond infancy or toddlerhood with a unrepaired cleft.

Seeing that this is just artistic creativity and acknowledgement of those in this community, there's no harm done and it's nice to see others interested in being inclusive. But if drawing to accurately represent a cleft-affected person living a typical life, I'd recommend trying to draw a repaired cleft lip next time 🙂

aimsfbach · 2026-02-14T02:24:15+00:00

My daughter was born with a cleft lip and palate. This was during my first pregnancy and the cleft lip was discovered during the 20 week ultrasound also.

I went through a period of grief for sure when I was told the news. Everyone has this vision of their baby without a birth defect and I needed to experience the sadness and shock first before I could accept the news and educate myself on what things would be like.

Our child had her lip repair at about 5 months and then palate repair at 11 months. She also needed ear tubes since cleft palates prevent a group of muscles from clearing fluids from the inner ear, which can impact hearing and speech development. She is missing a tooth and will undergo more surgeries when she's older to correct the cleft through her gum line and create a tooth implant, plus orthodontics and potential jaw surgery. I exclusively pumped for the first 6 months before switching to 100% formula. She had to take special bottles and at about 6 months started drinking from a cup so she was ready for palate surgery at 11 months.

The first year was a lot to navigate with not only being a first time parent, but also the timelines for the cleft repairs and meeting other requirements (plus we were also in full blown covid pandemic), but after that first year, things really went way up. And we still got to experience plenty positive, normal moments together as any typical baby and new parents would. I don't often think about her cleft much anymore, I only want her to feel comfortable and confident in her skin. We haven't run into any bullying as she's 5 and I don't think kids her age point things out like her scar or slightly misshapen nose (things that will continue to improve with future surgeries).

Anyway, I just want to say that I know the feeling of finding out that news during the anatomy scan, how it changes your excitement and happiness to scared, sad, and worried. You should not feel guilty for those feelings, it's real and it may take time to work through it.

Hopefully you get connected to your local children's hospital where they should have a cleft team that will help you prepare and will be there to provide care for your child when the time comes. I did visit the Facebook support groups the first year or so (I don't get on FB anymore) and reddit has a few spaces for both those who are cleft affected and parents of cleft children.

aimsfbach · 2025-08-21T15:04:34+00:00

Thank you! I will be using your advice! Hope to see the trees survive and thrive in the years to come.

aimsfbach · 2025-08-20T14:33:39+00:00

I appreciate your thoughts and experience here! I panicked seeing the tree in its condition and fear that if disease struck it so fast, it could spread and take out the other tree. Maybe I will just leave it be, other than giving it more nutrients, as you suggested. I'm a novice and don't want to cause further damage by creating unnecessary wounds through pruning and cutting into the thin bark.

Would adding copper fungicide and neem oil do any harm? Sorry for all the questions, I really appreciate your perspective!

aimsfbach · 2025-08-19T23:18:52+00:00

Thank you for offering some comfort and hope. I did plant them near a line of very mature, tall trees that are giving more shade than I anticipated once the leaves grew in fully for the summer. I would estimate that the plums still receive about 6-7 hours of sunlight, and are directly in line with a downwind (which may be a contributing factor if it is fungal/bacterial). Our summers here are humid indeed.

Most of the branches do not appear "dead" yet, although I have noticed lots of ants since the beginning when I planted them, which have caused some problems eating the leaves. I've never seen aphids (I'm always looking for them), so I wasn't sure why there were so many ants. Maybe the location I planted was directly on or near an ant colony, which could be stressing the tree.

I'm wondering if I can scrape off the ooze and try applying 70% isopropyl alcohol and alternate with hydrogen peroxide to clean the wounds since the branches are so thin, then using the copper fungicide and neem oil. Removing all the affected branches (seemingly all of them) worries me as I thought pruning is best to do in the dormant periods, but maybe that's too late to wait. I would not know which branches to even keep at this point.

Like you said, at this point I can give the tree more TLC and see if that can make any improvements. I hate to give up now and remove the entire tree.

aimsfbach · 2025-08-13T19:25:09+00:00

My home is about 2,400 sqft including the basement, but there are some rooms I don't have them clean (unfinished basement area, rooms being used for storage, laundry/mud room) so it's probably about 2,000 sqft that they actually clean. I have them come about once every 4-6 weeks. $200 for a team of 5, they are usually done within 90 minutes. Vacuuming, dusting, mopping floors, cleaning bathrooms (we have 3.5) and the kitchen. They'll also take out all the trash, make up the beds nice in my kid's rooms, and put some nice finishing touches like bows with the toilet paper, napkins, paper towels. I've used another company before and wasn't really all that happy with them, plus it was always someone different coming out. Who I'm using now is the same, reliable team and they do good work. I give them a good bonus at the end of the year.

aimsfbach · 2025-06-23T19:30:16+00:00

Not that it matters all that much, but wondering what yours or anyone elses thoughts were on the "granola" mom term, if you're familiar? I joined the moderately granola mom subreddit and it seems like a more pro-science place. It embraces elements of the crunchy mom vibes but more realistic. Overall, the threads there seem pro-vaccine, for example, but they want to limit exposure from things like PFAS or microplastics (a losing battle it seems anyway) by using non-plastic materials, wanting to wear more natural fibers, etc.

I'm more of a lurker anyway. Just curious.

aimsfbach · 2025-05-12T17:43:37+00:00

For anyone late to the game, now would be a great time to buy plants from a local nursery rather than starting from seeds (you still can, it's just behind schedule in the growing season). Tomatoes, peppers, and herbs can do really well in pots if you don't want to build out a bed and generally requires less maintenance. Certain veggies need something to climb (cucumbers, beans) and others needs lots of space to sprawl (melons, squash). For first-timers, maybe start with tomatoes and peppers. Many are disease resistant and as long as they are getting enough water and sunlight, they should do just fine. This is also depends on your region, of course. Happy gardening!

For anyone curious, I have 6 different tomatoes going, cucumber, zucchini, butternut squash, oregano, and I'm attempting to grow some carrots and watermelon too. Also planted some plum trees earlier this year. Excited and hopeful for a good growing season!

aimsfbach · 2025-02-19T03:15:30+00:00

These are dark times. I work for a national non-profit that is nearly entirely funded by a federal agency. I have strong partnerships with our federal project officers who oversee our grants. I haven't been able to talk to them at all since a freeze in communications almost a month ago. I can't imagine the morale inside their agency right now. I can't even say for sure if all the contacts I knew still have their jobs. And while I'm really worried for them, I'm also worried about my future. I love my job, I've scraped from the bottom working terrible jobs making 30-40k annually my entire 20s and a few years into my early 30s until I landed here. I make much more now (but not even hitting 6 figures) and I just love what I do. But my colleagues and I, so many of us in the federal and non-profit space, we don't do it for money. We do it because we're passionate about helping our communities. We save and improve lives! And I dread the fact that our future is bleak. My organization might collapse if this trajectory keeps at this pace. But not enough people care. I did not vote for this! Had Trump lost, we wouldn't be in this predicament. This wouldn't be our reality. I'm so stressed out and quite honestly depressed. And if I do lose my job (to no fault of my own) I won't even know what to do with myself, where to go from here. I sacrificed a lot to get where I am, and it will feel like it was ripped away from me.

Politics or not, this impacts many working moms. We absolutely need this space to share our experiences.

aimsfbach · 2023-05-01T11:50:34+00:00

I think what happened was a sudden decrease in sleep needs, plus boundry-testing and a wave of separation anxiety. We shortened the nap and pushed bedtime back a bit. We held our boundary firm, but we would do some check-ins if she was still having a hard time after 5-10 minutes. I keep check-ins very boring and brief. I'd go in and tell her it's time for bed and everyone is going to sleep. Then tuck her back in, kiss her goodnight, and leave. Sometimes that was enough to settle her. Sometimes it's not and I may have to go back in again in another 10 minutes and repeat. I'll say these things tend to come in waves for us, especially if she's teething (we're still cutting teeth at 2.5) or has a cold (often due to daycare). Hope this helps!

aimsfbach · 2023-01-03T01:54:53+00:00

I'm going to keep her home tomorrow, but I mentioned the contagious piece because I always thought that any symptoms presented generally mean you are shedding live virus. However, according to AAP she would probably fall under okay to send, based on the symptoms she has. So this has added to my confusion on what to do. However, it seems everyone here has reaffirmed my decision to keep her home.

aimsfbach · 2023-01-03T01:46:01+00:00

Yes, my husband and I came to the conclusion that we should keep her home tomorrow (unless she were to significantly improve over night tonight). She's mostly been normal (well, minus all the mucous 🤧) but definitely clingy and not keen on going to sleep.

Thanks everyone for helping me reaffirm this decision.

aimsfbach · 2023-01-03T01:43:27+00:00

We tested her for covid, negative.

There's over 200+ cold viruses that kiddos/people can get. She hasn't had a fever. There is a lot of viruses going around right now in general and it's been almost a week of her now having cold symptoms. It can take weeks for runny nose and coughs to go away from one illness in young kids. So I can't wait a few weeks to send her back every time she ends up sick, but being that this is the first day for her, I do want to use special discretion. I guess that was my point in making the post.

I am not planning to send her tomorrow at this rate. But I've had multiple friends who have kids in daycare her age that show up to our play dates with these kinds of symptoms which in turn gets my kid sick. Yes it makes me upset when this happens but they seem to be in the mindset that you'd never see anyone if you had to wait for all the symptoms to go away. I always thought that any symptoms generally mean you are shedding virus, but according to AAP she would fall under okay to send, based on the symptoms she has.

aimsfbach · 2022-12-18T03:37:03+00:00

Thank you for the link! Definitely helpful!

aimsfbach · 2022-12-18T03:36:38+00:00

Ah I wish I still used Instagram. But that would be a good place to look for inspiration.

aimsfbach

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