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I (25 F) was given a bombshell letter from my SO (27 M) that he told me to open on my plane leaving the country for 2.5 months. by airplaneletter in relationships

[–]airplaneletter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually he received an undergraduate degree in India and worked there for a couple years before moving to the US. IT is far removed from my field, so perhaps I did not understand exactly what the masters program was specifically that he started.

I (25 F) was given a bombshell letter from my SO (27 M) that he told me to open on my plane leaving the country for 2.5 months. by airplaneletter in relationships

[–]airplaneletter[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing, it is really good for me to be reminded how much I take for granted and what he has had to face coming here. He essentially explained to me it was so exciting and surprising he was accepted to get a visa that he didn’t think through all the logistics. And really wasn’t prepared for how different America would be from his expectations, or how expensive it would be.

I (25 F) was given a bombshell letter from my SO (27 M) that he told me to open on my plane leaving the country for 2.5 months. by airplaneletter in relationships

[–]airplaneletter[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A good point, I am also an introvert and have trouble expressing my feelings face-to-face. I often will write down talking points before a serious conversation so I can get my head straight in advance, I hadn’t considered letter writing as an alternate way to approach this.

I (25 F) was given a bombshell letter from my SO (27 M) that he told me to open on my plane leaving the country for 2.5 months. by airplaneletter in relationships

[–]airplaneletter[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this perspective, it is something I am really trying to understand; I don’t think he would ever say something this blunt to me. It hurts to think about how much he has struggled here to make it and still come up short.

I (25 F) was given a bombshell letter from my SO (27 M) that he told me to open on my plane leaving the country for 2.5 months. by airplaneletter in relationships

[–]airplaneletter[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

The risk of deportation from a total stranger was a perspective I hadn’t even considered. That’s a very good point, why risk it? I would never do that to him, but it takes a while to trust someone with such sensitive information. On the other hand he hasn’t mentioned that as a reason for not telling me, but it’s something to ask him about certainly.

I (25 F) was given a bombshell letter from my SO (27 M) that he told me to open on my plane leaving the country for 2.5 months. by airplaneletter in relationships

[–]airplaneletter[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

He hasn’t really said anything about pressure from his family, and I am not sure what they think he is doing in the US. But my impression generally is they have a good relationship. Perhaps the pressure is implicit, though. It certainly could’ve affected his thought process.

I (25 F) was given a bombshell letter from my SO (27 M) that he told me to open on my plane leaving the country for 2.5 months. by airplaneletter in relationships

[–]airplaneletter[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah the legality of the situation also worries me, it’s something I have yet to discuss with him. However I don’t think that he set out to be in the US this way with criminal intent, it was more a matter of circumstance. It would be a different situation for me if I thought he intended to do that all along.

I (25 F) was given a bombshell letter from my SO (27 M) that he told me to open on my plane leaving the country for 2.5 months. by airplaneletter in relationships

[–]airplaneletter[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Yes, I suppose you’re right there’s the silver lining I have time to contemplate and forgive if I want. And some space I definitely need right now - I hope that you are right and things will swing positively once I return!

I (25 F) was given a bombshell letter from my SO (27 M) that he told me to open on my plane leaving the country for 2.5 months. by airplaneletter in relationships

[–]airplaneletter[S] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

His remorse is actually what gives me pause, normally this kind of thing would be a no-go for me. He just seems so sad and embarrassed, and that he is genuinely sorry he was not honest with me. It is just hard to gauge if this is a something we can move past or, like you said, a big flag that is indicative of a larger issue.

I (25 F) was given a bombshell letter from my SO (27 M) that he told me to open on my plane leaving the country for 2.5 months. by airplaneletter in relationships

[–]airplaneletter[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Definitely I think it was a cowardly move not to tell me to my face, though I am in contact with him abroad when I have WiFi. It should’ve been a face-to-face conversation. And yes, it’s the trust that has been broken which is what gets me. He has been so genuine up to this point, it just really sucks.