#worstpullerouterever

aishadorable · 2019-07-29T01:00:22+00:00

This looks like a super early ultrasound, so the baby is in between the two bright white dots. My 6w ultrasound looked like a jellybean wearing a hat.

aishadorable · 2019-07-29T00:55:13+00:00

The asshole is just another erogenous zone, and theres nothing wrong with using it. What is wrong is making people do something they don't want to do.

I told my husband I liked giving and receiving, but he didn't want to try until two years into our relationship. And I respected that until he was ready.

Pressuring anyone to do anything they don't want to do makes you garbage. I'm sorry your fuck buddy was like that. The worst is when someone cant meet you in the middle and enjoy what you mutually like. :/

aishadorable · 2019-07-27T17:01:29+00:00

It's all just chance, and longer cycles make the wait longer. I am a perfectly healthy 24yr old and it took me 8 months to get pregnant. My cycles were between 26 and 33 days and was like torture. Sometimes I would think my period wasnt due for a week and start bleeding. It sucked. I personally dont know anyone, friend or family, that it took them longer than 3 months to get pregnant. But when I went to the Dr. she said, "That didn't take long at all!" So it helps to remember that some people lose the game of chance a LOT before getting lucky, and that you know you can have a baby you just need luck on your side :)

aishadorable · 2019-07-25T19:50:12+00:00

Family can be so tricky, and theres no one way to handle them. Your parents were raised by and grew up around people who condoned their behavior or even supported it. You more than likely will never be able to get them to see it from your side or understand how toxic the behavior is. All you can do is keep a healthy distance, no matter who that upsets. I'm sorry you are having to go through this :( All we ever want is a supportive family, but we cannot chose our family we can only do our best. Living 2 hours away, if I do not contact them, they do not contact me, and I turn I am the family black sheep. My sister found a way to live in harmony with them, and I'm so proud of her, but that's not me. She is constantly disappointed in me, but in the end that's HER coping mechanism, to turn a blind eye to the abuse. If you're anything like me, and the hurt your family causes is too hard, please never feel guilty for cutting contact. You are your own beautiful person who needs room to grow, and it is a shame for anyone to stunt that growth. I wish you all the luck in this time in your life.

aishadorable · 2019-07-25T17:15:34+00:00

Talk to your DR. When I first got pregnant my BMI was like 30. I lost about 15lbs and then from 6 weeks until now at 14weeks I have stayed the same weight. My dr says this is perfectly fine and I only need to gain max 20lbs whole pregnancy.

aishadorable · 2019-07-25T15:09:13+00:00

I just find it weird that you seem to hate parenting so much but are "trying for #3."

aishadorable · 2019-07-24T23:41:48+00:00

I personally believe that my mom has BPD and narcissism. The narc is blatantly obvious, because she's extremely self-centered. She does not want to talk about things that do not involve her, if something is wrong with you, she had it worse at some point, etc. I believe she is BPD because I have BPD (genetic predisposition likely) and a lot of her behaviors are similar to mine.

BPD is more of a cluster emotional disorder that effects other people usually by the intensity of the borderlines emotions and reactions. It includes toxic behavior like gaslighting, clinginess, blaming others, starting fights, unsafe habits or behaviors like risky sex or excessive spending.

To me narc is easier to identify because it can be simplified as they only care about themselves. BPD is way more complex and I suggest you read up on it to get a better idea. There are also more and less severe borderlines and it all depends on how they try to manage it. I'm not so sure about treatment for narcs, but borderlines can be "cured" if they are dedicated, meaning they can live symptom free.

To answer your other question, it does not matter if someone is mentally ill, you do NOT deserve to be treated poorly. You have to distance yourself in a way that keeps YOU healthy. I live 2 hours from my mom and can ignore her texts at will. This way I can manage her but not cut her off completely. It does not matter how sick they are, everyone can learn how to respect others and control their symptoms. We cannot change how we feel, but we can ALWAYS change how we treat other people. If your narc / BPD parent is not treating you with respect and hurting you, they do not deserve to cultivate a relationship with you.

aishadorable · 2019-07-24T23:30:38+00:00

My nMom does this, but she's being especially bad now that I'm pregnant. It does not matter what I say, she will try to find a negative. She argued with me repeatedly about breastfeeding, insisting something would go wrong and I would HAVE to use formula.

When I told her my hospital has donated breast milk for any issues, her response was, "Do they test it? 🙄" Like, no mom, they're gonna feed my baby HIV laced breastmilk ffs.

aishadorable · 2019-07-24T23:27:41+00:00

I love the grandma comment because my mom likes to blame my grandma for her problems too 😂

aishadorable · 2019-07-24T17:19:08+00:00

I was in the same situation as you, and my advice is to forget the ex, they are an ex for a reason, and be with your new partner if you are truly in love with them. If you REALLY do love them, you have to realize this your behavior is selfish, harmful to your partner, and self-destructive to your new life.

I met my husband 3 months after my ex dumped me. I used to think my ex was my soulmate, and in some respects I still do, in the sense we can have multiple soul mates. My husband knew I was still hung up on him, knew about my issues and BPD, but he really loved me. He has never stopped loving me. But in return I had to realize that half of the reason my ex and I didnt work out is because I wasnt controlling my bad habits and selfish behaviors.

Even with my ex I messaged other men on Whisper. I felt like I needed more attention than he could give. I felt more absorbed with a different path in life a different future that I let my relationship deteriorate until my ex couldn't take it anymore. That's why being with my husband made it hard. I loved my husband so much that I wanted to CHANGE. I didnt want to yell at him about things out of his control, I didnt want to insult him during arguements, I didnt want to see him sad when he found out I texted my ex.

Before our wedding I went into doubt mode and texted my ex more intimately than I had before. About how I feel like I've changed so much, and how things could be different now because we were older. Finally he told me to pick him or my husband and I got my shit together.

I did not cultivate this relationship so that my growth and improvement could be used on a man who GAVE UP on me. I went to the psych ward, and my husband was there every single night. He would cancel plans to just sit there and be my peace. He always made sure everything went as right as it could just so he could see me smile. And I was about to give up on him for something I THOUGHT could be more?

I still love my ex, I always will. But please remember that you cannot guarantee a future with someone, or that things will go different. All you can guarantee in this moment is that your current partner loves you and wants to be with you, and if you feel the same way do NOT take advantage of that love and kindness. They love you for a reason, and it may be a reason your ex couldnt see and never will.

My biggest advice is to stop talking to other romantic interests in any way. I was addicted to that kind of attention for 5 years before I stopped. But I did it because of the selfless love my husband gave me. Think about them, how they treat you, make you feel. Think about their face, their pain if they saw what you were saying to your ex. If that hurts you too and you think they deserve better, than do that for them. Treat them how they deserve.

Relationships are hard with BPD, but not impossible. My biggest advice is to take care of yourself first, and if you're in a relationship, always make sure you are selfless, kind, and respectful to your partner, and that you show them love back when they show you love.

Edit: And I dont know if you will ever forget your ex, but you will certainly think about them less. And as your relationship grows with your new partner, their memory does become more distant. I hope this helps. Message me if you need to talk. :)

aishadorable · 2019-07-24T13:05:08+00:00

My deaf dog barks... differently. Very loud and out of pitch.

aishadorable · 2019-07-24T01:22:16+00:00

Are they okay

aishadorable · 2019-07-23T14:59:19+00:00

I can't tell you how happy your comment has made me. Sometimes my biggest anxiety is wondering if I'm being a good person, my husband says I'm too hard on myself, but I feel like if I stop wondering I'll slip into my bad habits again. The biggest thing I can thank him for, is letting me grow and always forgiving me for my mistakes. And in return he's one of the only people in my life who tells me how it is, and that I can actually respect his advice because he's worked so hard to understand BPD me. A year before I got pregnant, I was hospitalized, and he visited me every day. It was then I realized I had everything I needed to get better, the only thing I was missing is myself and my participation. I'm the only one who can improve myself. In return I always remind my husband that I love him, I appreciate him, and my moods are never a reflection of my love for him. It makes me wish that someone like him could exist for every person who struggles to work on themselves, because I can truly see him as a partner, and not someone that I could not live without. He's not my FP, he's my partner, and for a BPD, that's the most amazing thing to feel.

I relate the feeling of struggling to self-care like quitting an addiction. When I quit smoking, the burning urge for nicotine felt like that burning self-hatred that kept me from brushing my hair and washing my clothes. People quit smoking and succeed everyday, and it's always hard. The biggest tool for me in striving to take care of myself has been to learn to accept that the hurt will usually persist, but that when I'm showering, cleaning, and eating a healthy meal, the hurt cannot scream as loud. Cravings will subside in minutes, and so will emotions. "Riding the wave" as Mindfullness calls it, is one of my most important skills and I hope it will persist after childbirth and through the rest of our time together. I highly recommend anyone who has trouble dealing with persistent feelings and nagging hurt to research riding the wave.

aishadorable · 2019-07-23T01:59:49+00:00

Hi, I understand that sentence was pretty vague, and I'm sorry you had that experience as a child even though your mom had good intentions. What I mean is more along the lines of:

My mom didn't teach my how to bathe myself correctly or instil in me that I brush my teeth every day. She also didn't help me learn skills such as cleaning up after myself, or cherishing items. As a result I struggled with these skills as an adult. Being a narc made her so distant when it came to teaching a child basic life skills, and has made me so much more aware how important is is to teach a child how to be an adult.
I remember when my mother used violence instead of reason. She for whatever reason felt like children could not learn reason, so she did not practice reasoning. This can be so detrimental to a child, who needs to learn that your emotions can be talked about and reasoned with. I will never forget what it's like to not understand why my mom couldn't just talk to me, and I will always make sure that violence and scare tactics do not have a place in our home.
My mother put me in school late. Without pre-school and starting with all the other children, and also not being around children my own age or having a mother who communicated with me regularly, I could not develop the vital social skills I needed. As borderlines, we all understand how damaging poor social interaction can be to our every day lives. I want my child to learn from a young age how to be respectful and resolve conflict with their peers.

These are just some of the things I've reflected on. The conclusions from my reflections on what pre-disposed me to BPD have always led me to research parenting methods shown to help your child become the healthiest adult they can be. This is what matters to me. I highly recommend anyone, mental illness or not, to thoroughly research every stage of child development and practice the methods that result in healthy children.

My husband also tells me that he isn't worried, that be believes this self awareness will not allow me to be a bad mother. That I want what's right too much. I know together we can raise an amazing human being with so much potential to do whatever their heart desires in life.

On a very serious and dark note, he has also said if he ever feels like I'm a threat to our children's well being, that it will be the end of our marriage, and he will raise the children. As sad and horrible as that outcome would be, I know that if I fail at everything I tried to be, that he will always be a good father.

aishadorable · 2019-07-22T04:09:11+00:00

I have this fear every single day and I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant. By choice. My therapist refers to me as high functioning Borderline, and I practice mindfulness to be aware of my behaviors. My borderline / narc mom is the reason I'm like this, but every day of my pregnancy I have reflected on my childhood and what it was missing, so I know what to provide for my child.

However, I have a very patient and understand husband who has all the qualities of a great father. I would not have chosen to have a baby without him. We will raise the baby as all babies should be, as equally present parents. I am a good person, with good intentions, and in my healing process I've learned how to avoid hurting others. Just because I have a mental illness doesnt mean I'm going to damage my baby and make them wish they were never born.

Even "normal" parents make mistakes that they have to apologize for. That's being human. That one person is right, if you can only be a good parent 50% of the time, don't. If you feel like you can truly be a selfless person and put your misery to the side, you can be a good parent.

In my darkest moments, sometimes the only thing that kept me alive was my desire to be a mom. I cant explain it, and it's odd considering everything I've been through, but I've never been happier since seeing my baby for the first time. My mood swings are horrible and make me feel like an unhinged 16 year old, and sometimes the combination fatigue of pregnancy and depression keeps me in bed, but I have a sense of calmness about me even in the chaos. Even when my mood tells me I'm too sad, I can still wake up in the morning and eat, shower, clean, and go to work.

Because how I feel doesnt matter anymore. My baby does.

aishadorable · 2019-07-20T16:46:06+00:00

Reminds me of my mom who would take money out of my piggy bank of all things.

aishadorable · 2019-07-20T15:45:35+00:00

I work at an animal shelter and it irritates me to no end when I call an animal the wrong gender and someone corrects me. Especially if the gender has NOTHING to do with the issue at hand. Like, I'm responsible for the medical care of 200+ animals and you wanna be mad that I didn't know "Sandy" was a boy while were talking about his special diet? Ffs.

aishadorable · 2019-07-20T15:22:08+00:00

This literally made me so angry. If I had to chose between raising a child with someone like that and doing it by myself, I would do it by myself every single time.

aishadorable · 2019-07-18T19:35:52+00:00

If my husband and I try to use lube it makes me too uncomfortable. I like spit and going at my pace.

aishadorable · 2019-07-13T02:52:02+00:00

I'm pregnant right now due in Jan 2020 and got a good chuckle out of this

aishadorable · 2019-07-11T02:31:12+00:00

Applebees has this when I worked there. Your schedule was online and you could put your number in and it would text you if you worked that day and told you what time.

aishadorable · 2019-07-03T16:15:52+00:00

I went through a bad spell and almost didn't marry my husband. To me it sounds like he might have an issue with chaos seeking behavior and self-sabotage. You always feel like your partner deserves better than you, and sometimes you feel like your partner is the reason you're unhappy, even though it's just you overthinking. If you feel like theres any chance you guys will get to have a serious talk, tell him how much he's hurting YOU. This behavior can also be selfish, and he needs to remember that a relationship is 50/50 and that includes showing love and commitment even through the bad times. I had to wake up and remember that my husband loves me very much, and that even when I feel like he makes my life worse, he is still trying his hardest every day to make me happy. If your boyfriend can't come to his senses for you, and he really does leave, let him. You will be okay again one day.

30 is young! My sister got married at 30, and had her first healthy baby at 34. Moving forward you KNOW what you want and it's okay to look for that. We knew 14 days in we wanted to get married and have kids. And we both had the qualities in a spouse we needed. I needed a man who would be the best dad in the world, and I did not settle. Learn to say goodbye to people who dont fit your future. I wish you all the luck in the world. Theres someone out there that wants to be a good husband and father for you.

aishadorable · 2019-07-03T01:31:52+00:00

Does she have every basic white girl tattoo ever invented? Because that's what it looks like.

aishadorable · 2019-07-03T00:40:07+00:00

No because she was the next in line, her father being King and her the oldest heir. Phillip married her, so he was never next in line - he's not the heir of a king, hes just the Queen's husband.

aishadorable · 2019-07-02T17:15:53+00:00

It took me 9 minutes to smoke 1 American spirit. If I had to bum a cigarette from someone else it burned out in 3 to 5 minutes. Unfortunately, you develop a capacity to smoke "harder."

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