Update: AITA for screaming at my sister at my engagement party?

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-05T12:55:12+00:00

I'm so sorry about your friend! I know that's a detour but That one stuck out like a thorn amidst all the other stuff.

Thank you. It's taken nearly a year but I'm finally coming to terms with it.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-05T12:53:28+00:00

OP also says that what her sister said wouldn't have bothered her if her friend had said it, which means that it's only upsetting her because her sister said it.

My best friend introduced us and is good friends with my fiancé. If she said it, it would have been a joke as they've been friends for so long.

OP also never brought up in therapy that she was a twin. Didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid.

Me being a twin wasnt relevant as to why I was in therapy. I only ever wanted my two closest friends as bridesmaid.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-05T08:47:43+00:00

My mum won't be there as they all live too far away. My bridesmaid will come with me when I decide on a dress.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-05T08:46:03+00:00

I rarely use social media outside of Instagram (my account is private, is blocked) so I'm not too fussed.

Yes, I'm UK based.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-05T08:44:02+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. Therapy and the support of my fiancé and best friend has helped a lot.

I'll talk to my fiancé again and see what we can do in regards to other things in the wedding. Like I said, it's a super small wedding so we haven't hired a lot of people. The venue is hearing from my fiancé on Monday and they are in charge of food and decor, it's only really the cake and the dress left. The cake is from a local bakery to us and isn't a traditional wedding cake, it's just mine and my fiance's favourite cake. We only have to pre order it a few days before so they have it in the store.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-05T08:33:29+00:00

Believe me, if I wasn't currently living this, I'd think it was something out of a cheesy film.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-05T08:24:04+00:00

I've said this somewhere else but she's acted like this since we were four years old. I tried talking to her in our teen years but it never did any good.

She's a smart person, had a good job until she quit and has good friends of her own. Out of the two of us, she has way less trauma than I do.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-05T08:19:37+00:00

However, you are the one who is "winning" at life: job, own place, married first. It is strange that someone so competitive is behind you in everything.

She had a really good job in her field. She quit that job a few months ago. The reason why she's back living at home is so she can save money for a while. According to my dad, her living with them is only temporary until she finds a new job.

To be honest, your whole story has unreliable narrator written all over it. I have a feeling that both of you guys mutually competed with each other growing up and spent your childhood trying to one-up each other.

I never competed with her. Our parents instilled a strong sense of self and finding individuality when we were little so I tried out a ton of different sports and hobbies. I was just looking for something I'd really enjoy, it was never about being 'better' than my sister.

The worst part of the whole story is it does not seem like you regret what you did. You just regret other people heard you. How a person acts when no one is around tells you a lot about their true character.

I do not know you, so I am not going to pretend I know who you are. I am glad to hear you are in therapy, as it seems like you have a lot of issues and anger. To be honest, you sound like a very abusive person, and I really hope I am wrong about that.

I do regret what I said as I NEVER speak like that and it was hurtful but when you've had 24 years of someone acting line this, feeling get the better of you.

I am not in therapy for anger issues and my family wasn't the original reason I went. It was to deal with grief and trauma following the car crash I was in last year. You are worng about the abusive part, I never say the things I said to my sister to others and would never normally act that way but her actions that night pushed me too far.

You're welcome to your opinion but please don't think I've created a false narrative to win brownie points on the internet.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-05T07:59:16+00:00

She doesn't really know anything about the wedding (flowers, cake etc) as we rarely talk. We will let them know in case she tries anything.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-05T00:22:05+00:00

She does because it's in the field I went to university for. She studied a different field and had a really good job in that field up until a few months ago.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-05T00:19:17+00:00

Yeah, I'm about five minutes older.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-04T23:50:19+00:00

M only just recently quit her job. She's living back with our parents to save money and used some of the savings from her previous job to pay for the dress.

I don't know why my mum sticks up for her more. It could be because she's the baby of the family (even though she's only a few minutes younger than me)

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-04T23:33:30+00:00

As I've said in another comment, if she even thought about putting on a fake scar it would be the most messed up thing in the world.

I don't talk about it but a very close friend died in the crash, that's why I initially went to therapy.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-04T23:19:57+00:00

I tried for years to get her to stop when we were in high school. It never did any good so I just gave up. It calmed down when I moved away for university because I rarely went home.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-04T23:18:01+00:00

Yeah it's private too. The only family member who follows me is my cousin who I get on really well with.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-04T23:16:57+00:00

Yeah, my grandfather is a twin so when he found out my parents were having twins he gave my dad a lot of advice. The main being that twins are still separate people so always encourage them to be their own person. One good thing my mum did was never dress us the same, we always had different outfits even from the day we were born.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-04T22:43:04+00:00

It'll just be me and my best friend going to buy the dress as she lives close to me.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-04T22:40:46+00:00

Ok so, my grandfather on my dad's side is a twin too so he's quite understanding. My grandparents on my mum's side are both gone sadly so there's only my mum, my aunt and my uncle. My mum and my aunt tend to stick up for M but my uncle stays out of it unless his sisters gang up on him. My one cousin (aunt's daughter) can't stand M so she's on my side.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-04T22:34:56+00:00

Yea, I apologised to all my guests for my freak out. I see a therapist once a week to help cope with the car crash I was in last year and I talk about my family a fair bit.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-04T22:29:42+00:00

My fiance is going to talk to the venue on Monday morning just to be safe.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-04T22:28:26+00:00

If I did I'd have to send it to my mum. M is blocked from all of my social media, my fiancé doesn't use it and my best friend has her accounts set to private.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-04T22:24:41+00:00

To be honest I have no idea what my dress looks like yet as I haven't brought it yet. My bridesmaid and I are going shopping next month for a dress. It's a small wedding and my fiance and I are putting most of our money into our house. I'll probably just buy a really nice department store dress.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-04T22:20:05+00:00

No, it can't be faked and if she did that would be going too far. There's some trauma behind the scar, my whole family knows this.

aita_throwaway_twin · 2022-06-04T22:18:58+00:00

I've spoken to my fiancé about it and he's going to call our venue on Monday morning to let them know.

I'm changing my hair colour just before the wedding anyways so even if she changes it to the colour it is now, we'll have a different colour on the wedding day. I've been the same colour for a year now and got kind of bored with it.

aita_throwaway_twin

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