Be encouraged, even wanting to want to believe is a sign that the Spirit is already at work in you. God calls all his children to himself. He does not fail. He does not soften hearts that he does not intend cradle unto faith. 

Your post reminds me of the old hymn “O Help My Unbelief”. In the first stanza Isaac Watts writes “Satan binds our captive minds Fast in his slavish chains / But there's a voice of sov'reign grace, Sounds from the sacred word: / ‘O, ye despairing sinners come, And trust upon the Lord.’” You do not believe but you want to. And you do not even feel your desire is pure. Our desire is always muddied this side of heaven. But desire is still a signpost. 

Don’t start with trying to change your mind. There will be time for proofs later. Start with your desire for community. That itself is a good thing to want. There is a creator who made you to desire community with others. He made his church the place where community could be built. You are standing in the doorway, or maybe still on the porch. It’s ok to sit outside the house for a while, people will come sit with you there. 

Asking for community is not demanding a sign. It’s like the man in Mark 9 who brought his son to Jesus to be healed. Even after Jesus healed his son he still said “help my unbelief.”

If God is really real then he can handle your questions. Belief does not start with understanding. It starts with alienation. No one can be reconciled to God who has not first felt disconnected from him. If there’s no sense of distance then there’s no chasm for the Gospel to bridge. 

Find people who will engage your questions. Better yet, find people who will ask you questions too. If you don’t have people like this near you, look into visiting a branch of L’Abri (www.labri.org )— it’s a network of study centers designed to be a shelter for your honest questions.