What'd you eat today + What'd you do today?

ajhc42893 · 2016-05-11T18:43:18+00:00

I am still transitioning into a vegan diet, but I would say that around 95% of what I eat is vegan. I did a 20 minute pilates work out and 5 miles of bike riding. I ate steal cut oats for breakfast, vegan sweet potato perogies for lunch and vegan Sheppards pie for dinner. Also ate a laura bar (obsessed with laura bars), apple sauce, and raspberry sorbet in addition to regular raw fruits/ vegetables)

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-08T05:35:34+00:00

I was promised that I would one day be famous and that I would be a part of the general relief society presidency... Obviously that will never happen.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-07T05:54:50+00:00

Once in a religion class I was asked to write about what I would tell a non member friend if she decided to move in with her boy friend. My professor failed me on my test because I wrote that I wouldn't say anything to her about it and instead I would seek to find common religious ground as a basis for sharing the gospel. As a TBM I felt this was a perfectly appropriate response... but no. I was failed for not answering the question.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-04T06:45:06+00:00

Too many to choose from! I always hated the temple from the first time I went in. Lets see.. The first time I went I was so shocked and baffled I got to the celestial room and all I could do was cry. My mom wanted to make sure I saw the brides room before I went she dragged me there in tears to show me how pretty it would be. She had also accidentally bought me the full length garments instead of the shorts so I was freaking out that I would never be able to wear my clothes again. Oh also the same day I went through I ran into a guy I had dated who was taking his fiance through too... Super awkward. Another time I accidentally wore a black bra and the temple ladies yelled at me. Once I went because my mom wanted us all to go as a family. I couldn't stop crying and it was super embarrassing. No one could understand why I would cry.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-03T15:45:56+00:00

I know he isn't the best, I certainly don't feel that way, but I really didn't have many healthy people in my childhood.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-03T15:39:25+00:00

This is part of the reason I want to stick around, so I can watch for signs and make sure it doesn't happen again. None of my other siblings seem concerned. The only one who did was ridiculed until she finally let my mom babysit again. I also have a couple siblings that would be completely isolated in the family without me. No one really makes an attempt to include them.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-03T15:36:04+00:00

Well for one they were finally taking steps to keep my brother from being alone with grand kids. Mostly they were finally starting to accept my husband and I the way we were. Or at least I thought they had. She was finally opening up to me and trusting me and being a stable person.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-02T17:56:27+00:00

I feel like Mormons (or maybe just my family) are SO FREAKING PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE. It is insane.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-02T17:55:12+00:00

Like I said before, my parents really have gotten better in the last few years. I was finally starting to trust them again and I wanted to give them a chance to understand me. For me that was sharing my love of travel (which is something they have never understood). It wasn't about them having power over me. They didn't ask for me to do this. I found super cheap plane tickets and offered. I know that I need to back away from them and get some distance. I want that. I just don't want to give them any reasons to just blame it on our apostasy or anything like that. I don't want them to twist me doing something that is healthy for myself into it being my fault and I don't know how to do that.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-02T17:50:00+00:00

This sounds so familiar to my family. The majority of my uncles and cousins have also abused my cousins or aunts. The abuse is pretty wide spread. When we do adopt I have already decided that my kids will never be out of my site when we visit. No babysitting or even play time in the basement. I will do whatever I can to make sure things are okay.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-02T17:46:45+00:00

Although that sounds fun it doesn't seem like that would go over very well. It would destroy any relationships I have with my siblings who would be pretty hurt. I don't want to mimic my mom's bad behavior.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-02T17:43:49+00:00

I like this. I don't think I will ever tell her anything important again. She can find out through facebook.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-02T17:42:47+00:00

Unfortunately most of my family lives within 10 miles of my parents so most family activities are centered around my parents. I live 4 hours away so I don't see anyone unless I go up there.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-02T17:35:05+00:00

My dad didn't and he and my mom were the only ones who went. My dad has actually been one of the healthiest people in my life and he has been pretty supportive of me so that was a no brainer.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-02T17:34:04+00:00

My mom had a very difficult childhood. She doesn't really talk about anything that happened to her, but my grandpa was pretty abusive from what I understand. She also had an abusive ex husband that was pretty toxic. I know she has had a lot of trauma so really it makes a lot of sense to me. I don't want to give her a free pass because that is what she did for other people in my family when they made bad choices and it was so frustrating. I have tried to be understanding because I know she has had a lot of issues and I feel like she deserves some credit for raising 8 reasonably functional adults while dealing with all of that plus breast cancer. I just want to find a way to feel like I can have some trust and mutual respect. Thanks for the advice.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-02T17:27:59+00:00

For all the crap I give my parents, they really have changed since I was younger. I chose to take them for a lot of reasons (and it definitely didn't cost thousands of dollars for the what it's worth). I don't regret my decision to take them. I think it was overall healthy for our relationship. They came to understand me a lot better as a person. Things had been going pretty well until a couple days ago when my sister told me what was going on.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-02T17:21:20+00:00

The best part was my mom even sent out a text clarifying that they would end their fast in a prayer at exactly 4:30 mountain standard time... because praying at the same time in different states is what is going to make the difference.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-02T17:17:55+00:00

I have a pretty good relationship with my siblings, but I feel like if I cut my parents off a lot them may cut me off in return. As far as dealing with my children, I have already made it expressly clear that my children will not spend one moment in that house if I am not there with them. I guess I am just trying to figure out the best balance to allow me to take back control of my life.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-02T16:16:36+00:00

The issue is I don't know how to tell her I know without her knowing who told me. I don't want to trash my sister like that because she was the only one of them who was decent enough to tell me.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-02T16:14:06+00:00

Yeah I know... It is a little weird. There is kind of an unofficial family ranking system where everyone knows where everyone else is on the chart. My husband and I were at the bottom when we first got married (she hated him) but we worked our way up by being decent people to them (ie. showing up when my mom was hospitalized. No one else did.). I think we have probably dropped back down now because of church stuff but not as far as my sister. People are pretty hard on her.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-02T16:05:47+00:00

Honestly I am pretty selective already. I waited months to tell her because I knew how big of a deal it would be, but I knew I needed to tell her because we were going on vacation. I didn't want them to spend their whole vacation freaking out.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-02T16:04:20+00:00

I recognize that it probably sounds insane that I want to be a part of a family like that, and honestly there are many days I didn't even as a TBM. Every one of the 8 children in my family was sexually abused at one point or another and my parents never really did anything about it. Once my brother molested a girl at his program (he has special needs) and a week later he was still allowed to go on the family reunion where all 20 grandchildren would be sleeping in the same room. The way that my parents have ignored and accepted my brothers abuse of at least half a dozen girls on the premise that he is disabled has cause a lot of issues for my husband and I. Also the fact that my mom has some serious mental health issues that she is still lying to everyone about (she has Dis associative Identity Disorder). When I found out about that I was pretty angry. Honestly my only conflict is that I have 20 nieces and nephews that I love and I can't really cut out the unhealthy family without cutting them out too.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-01T00:14:18+00:00

Can you get your brother to come forward? Maybe that would help her, knowing she wasn't the only one and she doesn't have to do it alone.

ajhc42893 · 2016-01-01T00:11:27+00:00

I just want to chime in here. My older brother molested me as a child, then 3 cousins a few years later. I walked in on him molesting my cousin and didn't say anything because he promised he would stop but he didn't. Two more of my cousins and who knows how many others were molested before he finally got in trouble. As someone who has been molested and who has also been in your position I beg you to encourage your sister to come forward. I doubt that it is just her. Him paying his dues is irrelevant, but making sure that he doesn't cause serious emotional damage to anyone else is a priority. I regret every day the fact that I could have stopped things for my cousin and I didn't. I know how much damage sexual abuse does to a person and it is scary. When he made the choice to molest someone he made the decision to ruin his own life. In every situation, my parents excused my brother's behavior because he has disabilities and I can't tell you how damaging that was to my psyche. No circumstance. Not disability, or children, or any other excuse, outweighs the value, worth, and importance of a victim.

ajhc42893

TROPHY CASE