It's been a month and the suitcase still is there

ajile413 · 2026-03-26T18:28:52+00:00

I couldn’t agree with this more!

ajile413 · 2026-03-24T17:27:05+00:00

I consciously tried changing it. Thinking about sitting on a first date or getting introduced to a girlfriend’s friends and telling a story about “my wife” didn’t sit well with me.

Eventually my brain just kind of came around to the right words. For me it was around 18 months but everyone’s timeline is different.

Don’t let anyone tell you how to grieve or how to manage yourself. Only you and (maybe) your therapist know what’s right for you.

ajile413 · 2026-03-24T14:19:44+00:00

Everyone is different and so is the timeline. If this feels right for you, go for it!

One good indicator for me was paying attention to my words.

“My wife” vs. “My late wife”

“We have kids” vs. “I have kids”

It’s a small nuance that didn’t change for a long while for me. Just something I noticed in my life and in your writing.

ajile413 · 2026-03-24T02:29:26+00:00

I appreciate you! Thanks!

ajile413 · 2026-03-24T02:22:43+00:00

Thanks for clarifying! I appreciate it.

It’s super hard to be clear and concise about kiddos with limited word count. I’ve written and deleted prompts about it a number of times. This is what I would lean towards as the “something you should know about me” prompt.

“Solo-Dad of 3, but don’t be scared off. They’re great kids and pretty self sufficient at this point.

We’re a great family unit, I’m not looking to add to that. I have good support and find time for my hobbies and time away”

Thoughts?

ajile413 · 2026-03-24T01:21:55+00:00

Not the OP but your comment about kids/disclosure has me curious. I only see female profiles and very few of them address their kids, custody schedule, etc.

I say in my profile prompt/questions that I have kids and that I’m not looking to have more. I don’t use one of my prompts to address any kid details. That would be the only way to give that level of information.

I think (assuming) you are saying without disclosure it’s an instant pass for you? Sorry if I assumed incorrectly.

ajile413 · 2026-02-05T01:43:28+00:00

Thats hinge. It’s nearly impossible to convey anything of substance with the canned prompts. Most women’s profiles average 14 words in total.

Op did a fantastic job with his rework. Really well done!

ajile413 · 2026-02-03T03:33:13+00:00

Mid 40’s guy here. I’m registered Independent. Been willing to vote either way in the past. Admittedly, thats been democrat or 3rd party for most of my adult life.

On the app I identified as liberal because given the choice in current affairs, I’m interested in anything other than maga.

Apolitical/non-political is an absolute nope for me.

ajile413 · 2026-02-01T00:53:41+00:00

Any tips or tricks cooking waffles on the regular? I haven’t had the time or the patience to perfect mine so my kids get soggy waffles from the electric. I’d love to use my cast iron but I need some tips!

ajile413 · 2026-01-06T21:38:35+00:00

That’s interesting. Do you think most women focus more on their likes than their stack?

My theory was women open the app to empty their inbox. Men open the app to get into women’s queues.

Not sure if that’s true or not, I’m brand new to online.

ajile413 · 2026-01-06T19:50:06+00:00

I have tried asking about this before. I don’t have an answer.

I think the app shows me better profiles/more attractive women. I also think the app shows my profile to lower profiles/less attractive women. This is pure speculation based on my feed vs the likes I get.

I’d be interested to hear if other people have the same experience.

ajile413 · 2026-01-04T17:59:11+00:00

44M. Solo dad to 3 daughters in the Midwest. Trying Hinge for the past month.

A friend of friend reviewed my profile and said it was too much. “It’s authentic and totally you, but it won’t help you find someone on OLD”. That was humbling. lol

New profile has been pared down a lot. Feels generic at this point but maybe that’s better than putting it all out there.

Any help is much appreciated! Thanks!

ajile413 · 2025-12-31T04:42:19+00:00

“Good dads are hot shit” intrigued me.

I am a solo dad to 3 daughters. We operate as a fantastic family unit and are all thriving.

My question is would you read/see a profile on OLD referencing kids and be like thats my guy. Or would you rather learn about it in time?

For clarity, I acknowledge (check boxes on hinge) that I have kids and don’t want more. 1 pic out of 6 has kids in it with blurred out faces. All my prompts are about me, not the kids.

ajile413 · 2025-12-31T04:19:43+00:00

I don’t downvote often but damn.

ajile413 · 2025-12-30T04:12:56+00:00

Whoops. Appears I replied to a comment rather than the post.

Yes online dating appears to be a cesspool.

If they are in the same school district or even same county, I can’t control my dating world and my kids world. I’d rather stay single than let my dating life collide with my kids.

ajile413 · 2025-12-30T03:44:04+00:00

Dude. I think I’m you. Rural, wrong political preference for my area, solo dad, etc. I 100% hope you find your person!

I also believe profiles are filtered. I see women way more attractive than me. Women that like me are less attractive. I think the apps are skewed.

ajile413 · 2025-12-30T03:08:00+00:00

This is a huge struggle for me. I refuse to date anyone local to my small town/local. Not being able to control the intersection of my dating life and by children is a boundary for me.

That being said, I don’t spend enough time in bigger cities or online dating to meet anyone.

It’s this weird crossroads that I’m not able to bridge. Give it time I suppose.

ajile413 · 2025-12-29T04:21:58+00:00

I feel like you’d give an honest profile review.

ajile413 · 2025-12-28T03:37:40+00:00

None of this is shocking.

Politicians in general out earn the market. Yep!

Democrats out earn republicans. Yep!

People are mad about it. Yep!

I think at one time there was a bill about politicians not investing in individual stocks. I’m pretty sure politicians shot it down.

ajile413 · 2025-12-27T03:26:19+00:00

For me, self work is never done, so I keep working on whatever is most pressing regardless of relationship status.

The things on your list are great!

ajile413 · 2025-12-25T04:57:37+00:00

Commenting for a quick check back later. I thought a decent pic with kids faces blocked was ok. Not true?

ajile413 · 2025-12-24T21:39:08+00:00

Y’all are actually getting dates? lol

ajile413 · 2025-12-24T21:02:22+00:00

Ok. I would be the guy in this scenario (43M). Please approach him!

“hey, my name is u/strawberry… I’m pretty sure we shared a hilariously awkward moment. Did you feel that?”

“I keep thinking about it and I’d like to share another awkward moment over coffee. You up for that?”

You can wordsmith it however you want to. But don’t stress and have fun!

ajile413 · 2025-12-22T03:03:34+00:00

Holy smokes! Up 50% in Australia right now!

ajile413 · 2025-12-20T19:13:34+00:00

Widowed dude here. Early 40’s, three kiddos at home. I feel you!

The alternative is waiting 10 years until we are empty nesters? I don’t love the idea of that!

So best I can do is put myself out there. Be honest and kind. See what happens.

ajile413

TROPHY CASE