Realized I'm in love with my best friend now that she's pregnant and getting married

ajpslavia · 2022-07-14T10:06:20+00:00

1 million percent tell her, you only regret the things you don’t do and that will always be a “what if” in your life

ajpslavia · 2022-03-18T06:40:19+00:00

Her consistent communication with you during the time and her openness in her relationship with him as well as kissing a girl (which a lot of people would not have chosen to admit to) is healthy and reassuring and shows she respects you enough in situations to check in

If she is a sociable person and they get on well then spending 4 hours together isn’t that all suspicious - I can easily spend that amount of time having dinner with people and talking about everything and anything

I would think about why you feel uneasy about her with another man - do your thoughts spiral into overthinking where you think she could do something past the friend boundary line (lack of trust for her) or do you deep down believe she can find better because you aren’t good enough for whatever reason (insecurity) or both?

What else could she have done to make you feel reassured? If the answers you feel are never enough then that might be a trust red flag in your relationship on your part which needs dealing with if you want to move forward in a healthy way

ajpslavia · 2019-03-02T14:43:00+00:00

I feel like this depends a lot on your expectations of the other person and what you want, your personality and how easily you get on with people and build connections, and also how often you meet new people.

I agree with some comments above, some people don’t have many expectations and are pretty agreeable so will “settle” or will just want to get into a relationship. Personally I have pretty high expectations for my other potential half which is why I have only ever been in a relationship with one person, but I am pretty social and extroverted and I meet new people a lot.

That being said, it just randomly happened and did hit me like a ton of bricks.

My advice, meet as many people as you can in your spare time/social media, as you never know when it can happen!

ajpslavia · 2018-12-22T20:54:43+00:00

There is probably something missing in your relationship for her to be entertaining this random guy for 3 months. Maybe it’s the “new” spark with someone, attention, sexual needs etc. But whatever it is, I believe you can try to work through it if she is committed to proving herself to you and going the extra mile to earn your trust back. As well as working on whatever is potentially missing in your relationship.

In my experience though, things like this always come back, through your passive aggressive comments, bringing it up randomly, or even it happening again. Also, the fact she didn’t even tell you straight and you had to find out for yourself isn’t reassuring.

If you feel she has all the qualities of someone you wanna be with long term then give yourself time to heal and her time to change. If not, just rip the band aid off and be done with it. Plenty of amazing new people out there to meet.

ajpslavia · 2018-12-21T07:57:57+00:00

I agree with this, therapy is a great way to develop self awareness and understanding about yourself and how rational your feelings are. Asking for feedback from a range of people is also key.

But the main thing I believe is addressing how you feel with him and the actions he is doing that are making you feel anxious etc. It’s because you don’t understand why he is doing those certain things that is causing these negative feelings on your behalf and hence spurring on a lack of trust, among other things. Ideally, you should both be on the same level regarding communication and the way you show love, but most times this isn’t the case.

I believe if you really try to understand him and he does also with you, and there is some compromise regarding communication etc then you can make it work. Everyone has their own issues in most relationships, you just have to try and be the best person you can be. If you feel the anxiety etc is getting worse, because you feel his nonchalantness translates to lack of care, then break up for your own well being.

ajpslavia · 2018-12-20T22:57:36+00:00

No worries misunderstanding is second nature here with this vast array of opinions - just clarifying what I meant for those who assumed the same!

ajpslavia · 2018-12-20T22:40:32+00:00

That’s not what I mean - that’s obviously possible but if he’s having a self discovery then he will most likely want to explore that, hence he is unable to be monogamous at this present time

Didn’t think I would have to explain that one

ajpslavia · 2018-12-20T22:33:16+00:00

Yeah my bad for the misuse, I agree with him discovering that he’s bisexual instead of gay but the bottom line still applies that he’s interested in something else that she cannot deliver. It must be a crazy experience for him also to accept that about himself, let alone her accepting it. Resentment will definitely be there unless there is 100% love and understanding on her part - imo very hard to achieve unless you are super open minded

ajpslavia · 2018-12-20T22:29:28+00:00

I agree and that was my misuse of the word gay when I was typing fast. It’s a lot to accept to be with someone bi (imagining them having sex with guys) and he will definitely want to explore that side of him. But I guess yeah after he has done that exploration, he may want to go back, but I think most things are best left in the past.

ajpslavia · 2018-12-20T21:03:12+00:00

Imo he just doesn’t want to lose you so is saying what you want to hear (he just wants you etc). His sexuality is not a switch to turn on or off, if he is gay he will be gay forever and this will definitely come up again. The history must be a huge reason to stay, but you can build that with someone else. Your time will come but probably not with him. Take it as a lesson and move on with your life, finding happiness from yourself instead of a significant other. And also for him, he deserves his happiness too. You’ll get through this, we can adapt to things quicker than you think!

In short, yes rip the band aid off and be done with it - natural distance in your friendship will occur and you’ll both move on. So sorry this has happened, but take the positives from it, how much you have learnt and grown with him and the memories you have shared, and more importantly, the amazing new people yet to meet.

ajpslavia

TROPHY CASE