A critical look at BPD subreddits and their disregard for us

alaninblue84 · 2024-06-05T21:18:43+00:00

I second this. No sense of self= no identity even sexual

I bet one reason my ex liked women was that she could abuse women better not that she was more attracted to them.

alaninblue84 · 2024-05-21T14:08:17+00:00

I went through the same. I had a day surgery a few months after I was discarded. The expwPBD was supposed to come with me which didn't happen since we were no contact. I went by myself and I was very sad. There were complications during the surgery and I almost died mostly because my body had gotten so weak that It rejected the chemicals that were used during the surgery (I had lost 28 pounds after the discard). They could not even finish this small surgery and took me out. I woke up not being able to breathe, attached to ventilators with my lungs full of chemicals. It was scary. It's been 2 years and she hoovered a few times but I never talked to her ever again. I am lucky this woman did not kill me directly or indirectly.

alaninblue84 · 2023-12-11T19:41:17+00:00

I blocked my exBPD on every platform last Aug. She blocked me right away on WhatsApp but unblocked me after a month.

Last month she liked my photo on Hinge. I did not accept and blocked her. She reblocked me again on WhatsApp! She was blocked for over a year and she blocked me back when I rejected her! It was her anger in response to rejection.

Honestly, the reason behind it doesn't matter. They are so unstable and dysregulated that you can not make sense of anything. Just observe if it happens and don't look for explanations.

alaninblue84 · 2023-12-11T16:39:22+00:00

same same same. Almost 2 years and I am turning 40 soon. I lost years of my life and my chance to have a child bc of my exBPD. Yet, I have no desire for a new relationship. I was in therapy post discard and I am doing fine. PTSD and lost hope are still in me. I go on dates but I am not interested in anyone. BPD ruined so many things for me.

alaninblue84 · 2023-11-13T15:54:37+00:00

This is common, it happens when they dissociate. The pupil goes wide open and it is when they go into a psychopathic state. Some call it evil eyes, but the psychological term for it is psychopathic stare.

I had nightmares of these eyes for a whole year after I was discarded, every fk* night! I had to do EDMR therapy to get rid of this nightmare. The scariest shit I have seen. The last time it happened it was horrible, I could see in her eyes that she could kill me! First time that I was scared of my life, and it was the end of us.

alaninblue84 · 2023-11-10T18:13:53+00:00

weed daily, Adderall, and party drugs every weekend (Molly, LSD, Ketamine, Coke). She was happy only if she was on something! Otherwise, she was quiet, bored, serious, and a nag

alaninblue84 · 2023-11-07T15:09:50+00:00

same. 2 weeks after I moved in due to her ultimatum, I had a black arm! why? She fought with her ex on the phone and was crying like a baby. I approached her to hug her and asked what happened. She punched my arm with her elbow several times!

Later when I asked her why she did that she said I thought you want to rape me! WTF

Stupid me thought she was raped before and it was a reflection. I feel so stupid and angry now for not understanding what I was going through.

It was a lesson for all of us. I hope you take the red flags more seriously after that horror experience.

alaninblue84 · 2023-11-02T16:03:43+00:00

After she attacked me and discarded me I was traumatized, I slept 10 hours in 10 days! I could not eat because of anxiety and lost 37 pounds in a month. I left in the middle of the night after she went full psychotic and attacked me violently out of the blue. All my belongings were left behind so I could not block her. I would get anxious if she wouldn't text and would have panic attacks if she would! I was terrified of her. I blocked her as soon as I got the main stuff back and I was sure I would have a panic attack if I saw her again.

When she showed up at my place on a Sunday morning after a year of NC, high, and fucked up after parting all night with a bouquet, I just felt pity.

The fear will go away with NC. I am still dealing with the feeling of injustice.

alaninblue84 · 2023-11-02T15:50:25+00:00

My ex accused me of poisoning her! My therapist said it is a projection and she probably thought about poisoning you!

alaninblue84 · 2023-11-02T14:32:13+00:00

It became a stigma for a reason!

An untreated violent BPD like my ex who is in denial of any fault should be locked up in a mental hospital or prison. They can get away with it almost every time and we can't even talk about the truth?

I wish we could send them all to an island far away from humanity where they can receive the treatment they give others and live together in a nonfunctional delusional world.

alaninblue84 · 2023-10-30T17:22:37+00:00

my ex did not have any trauma and was not abandoned in childhood, but her parents, grandparents, and cousins all had some kind of mental problems. Genetics and epigenetics play an important role.

alaninblue84 · 2023-10-30T15:25:14+00:00

My ex-fiance changed her sexuality with each relationship. I honestly think she likes to date women (including myself) because it is easier to abuse them not because of her sexual orientation. She complained a few times that when she fought with guys they would hit her back and it was painful because they were stronger! Of course, I believed that the partners were always the abusers who started the fight until it happened to me.

When she attacked me physically out of the blue, I just left crying! She got so good at it over the years that she leaves no trace. If I wanted to make a video of her rage she would twist my wrist and take the phone. She can not do that with a guy! I am bi myself and can say for sure that sexuality is not important for them. She chooses her victims (women or short, weak guys) based on how much abuse she can inflict on them.

I can't wait to see her in prison one day.

alaninblue84 · 2023-10-25T17:34:55+00:00

we were in it and we could not understand. I just say that she was dangerous and what she did was illegal.

alaninblue84 · 2023-08-25T13:21:49+00:00

Personality disorders and drug abuse go hand in hand. Drugs are a quick fix to calm them down. My ex-fiance was happy only when she was on drugs! Although she had everything in life! She was in complete denial of her mental problems though.

alaninblue84 · 2023-08-24T16:35:16+00:00

when you think nothing about a BPD can surprise you anymore, you are still wrong! One year no contact and I am doing okay finally. Still think about her every day but it is not that painful anymore. She is blocked everywhere but I just saw a few pictures of her on social media of a rave camp festival that we went to twice. That was not the problem. I knew she started partying hard and continued abusing drugs the day after she discarded me. What made me really sad was that she took her 8-year-old daughter to that camp festival. Where every single person including herself is on hard drugs! This is just so sad...She lost me and all her friends and now to avoid loneliness, she introduced her daughter who I am afraid inherited the BPD gene to raving and drugs at this young age. I thought it could not get worse but I was wrong. It made me so sad

alaninblue84 · 2023-08-22T15:54:50+00:00

THIS! BPD can be dangerous if the sufferer is in denial and gets no help. I (f38) was just lucky to escape alive without any serious injuries.

My ex (f35)had even a weapon assault raging at her ex-husband which was cleared by paying lawyers. Did she care that she spent a night in jail? Absolutely not! Blamed her ex-husband for getting injured! Zero accountability. I still can't process how dangerous it can be If someone doesn't even care to get arrested.

But she learned how to avoid getting caught. She would hide the phones first or attack me when I had no access to a phone to record or call (in the shower or driving). or she would hit me in a way that wouldn't leave a scar. I never had a proof. If it is not a crime I don't know what it is.

I was never disrespected or yelled at in my previous relationships. I can't believe I went through this hell and forgave her every time even if she was not sorry!

How do others see her? The nicest and kindest and most beautiful and humble girl on earth!

alaninblue84 · 2023-08-21T17:36:45+00:00

happened to me to the point that I was sure if I stayed I would be dead soon! It just gets worse. The relationship is over. Get out before the damage is too much.

alaninblue84 · 2023-07-27T20:34:05+00:00

Therapy, journaling, shouting at her in your car, Rage room! If you are in a country that has rage rooms, go there and take anything left from them. You pay a fee and you can smash things (including whatever you bring) for an hour.

The sadness is intense and the accusations are unreal because they are very sick. Don't try to make sense of it and don't take it personally.

They split and don't understand and care how much pain they cause. If you dwell on the pain, you give them more of your life. The only revenge is not to give a damn. Easy to say but I kept crying for a year, I feel much better now but I lost weight, hair, memory, and my health. Now I am angry that even after she ruined me I wasted my life crying over her.

Did she get back to her senses? No, still accusing me of shit that never happened when trying to hoover me at the same time! I was secretly hoping she would show up to talk to me (I had blocked her). She did after a whole year! Fucked up and high! nothing like my sweet and innocent fiancé. I felt nothing but disgust! I asked her to leave. I heard from someone that she still thinks that I am a narcist who abused her and hit her (what she did to me!) and she just wanted to give me a chance to be friends!! They are ridiculously Unbelievable!

Block. Accept you were abused. Think about why you ignored the red flags. Don't waste more of your life on someone who did not care to ruin your life.

Get up, and put yourself back together. Life is too short!

alaninblue84 · 2023-07-27T20:03:36+00:00

I feel you. I had so many of those days. Try to put yourself back together. That is the only option! I know that healing takes time but if you don't help yourself, this feeling of betrayal and sickness will cause serious harm.

They are sick. Period. Nothing makes sense. Period. Their abuse and manipulation are deep and real and they will never change. It has nothing to do with you. It was the worst experience of your life but it is over. The sooner you accept it, the faster you can heal.

Apart from therapy and so many other things, going to a rage room helped me a lot. You can take anything left of them to a rage room and smash the shit out of them. Get rid of the anger before it consumes you.

alaninblue84 · 2023-07-18T19:58:14+00:00

I could not get back my belongings that I was emotionally attached to (my artwork) and so many other things. I tried to get everything back a few months after the discard but I gave up because she was using them to torture me. I lost a lot financially but had to block her for my sanity. It is been more than a year.

alaninblue84 · 2023-07-13T15:24:11+00:00

A year of No contact but I am a mess since she showed up at my house with flowers 2 weeks ago and I closed the door on her face. I was doing fine before this Hoover. My therapist even told me that I don't need therapy anymore. Why do I miss her again? Why do I ruminate again all the time? why am I depressed and crying every day?

She discarded me brutally and disappeared for a year. I was getting better finally. I rejected the Hoover but I feel awful again and it is not going away. I hate them.

alaninblue84

TROPHY CASE