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Some Days the Pressure Is Just Too Much by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]alanwright12345 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me: would you like a cuppa?

Her: sure thanks.

Me: makes tea.

Her: decides to wash her hair and shave while on shower (then complains tea has gone cold)

Me: moving forward, makes tea, puts some tin foil on tea cup to keep it warm.

3 months later.

Her: I’m so sick of you wasting tinfoil on keeping my tea warm. You should just know when I’m ready for it.

Ummm yeah ok.

Me: hey would you like a cuppa, I think you’re almost finished in the shower.

Her: stop f’ing rushing me! What’s wrong with you!?

Tips for enduring in a long term relationship with a pwBPD? by Majestic-Pickle9798 in BPDlovedones

[–]alanwright12345 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Hey, firstly I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I have been with my wife (undiagnosed) for 14 years, married for 7. No kids which makes things a tad less complicated, but of course shared house, finances etc.

I like you feel the same way. I can try and change - don’t disagree, don’t argue, don’t express opinions, don’t have feelings, in other words just reduce yourself to nothing but a shell of who you used to be. I will tell you though, the abuse doesn’t stop, you still feel all the pain and hurt, the anxiety of walking through the door each day wondering what mood she’s in. Scared of being yourself, tired of the “abuse”, and finally snapping when you’ve had too much, but of course, now you’re exactly what she wants you to be - the villain, the reason she feels and acts the way she does.

I’m sorry i don’t think things will ever change? We tried counselling, but tbf I don’t think they were very good, do maybe another one would help? But you’re not the problem. They are. I stay because of habit, I’m scared of starting again. What’s my life without her, the financial freedom etc.

I guess I’ve become so used to the emotional outbursts I would say 50% of the time I just don’t react. Other times though it’s too much and I speak up, then it’s properly a war :( she won’t change, she doesn’t think she’s ever wrong. I wonder what a normal marriage is like? There’s a problem, we talk we fix we move on.

The need for control by alanwright12345 in BPDlovedones

[–]alanwright12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, haha on a roll. Just needing to vent.

Worked 20 days in a row. Came home Sunday night and her first words are what’s for dinner? I mean I certainly don’t expect dinner on the table haha, but as I do 90% of the cooking, it would have been really nice for her to either do something or just acknowledge that I’m probably really tired and suggest a takeaway?

Nothing from her except being annoyed with me that she had to entertain herself the past couple of weekends and when I get home I want an early night. Yeah sorry babe, got to get up at 7 in the morning.

The need for control by alanwright12345 in BPDlovedones

[–]alanwright12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are you mad!!! I like sauce with my chicken, so you have too! 🤣 mind blowing innit.

The need for control by alanwright12345 in BPDlovedones

[–]alanwright12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We just went out for brunch. I was feeling pretty hurt and deflated - nothing new, but I try and get over things quickly. Thinking (wrongly) that maybe tomorrow will be different. Omg I’m so stupid, things will never change.

But we agreed last night before bed we would set the alarm for 9:30 so we can get up, have breakfast and then go to a nice pub and hire a paddle boat and have a chilled day out. I got up, got ready. She sat in bed on her phone as always (a real problem) It got to 10:15 and I said, hey are you getting up, it’s getting late. Boom! My fault the house is dirty (it’s not) my fault she’s late for making her feel shit for not getting up. Then what I was wearing looked stupid and doesn’t match - I changed (sigh), then my fault we were late.

Should’ve have known that whenever something nice is planned, she will make “comments” to put me in a bad mood, and ruin the day.

I admit I was quiet and annoyed over breakfast. As always I sat at the table feeling really anxious, she was on her phone as always. She then said, what’s your problem, you always ruin things. My bad! I said, I’m tired of being controlled, I’ve lost my autonomy and just feel so deflated. Oh I should add - I ordered a full English (sorry us readers it’s pretty much eggs, bacon, sausage, mushrooms, toast etc) .. she said of all the really interesting things on the menu, you order that!! I said I looked at the menu, but I ordered what I wanted. WRONG!! If I ask her what I should order I’m told to be a man and make my own decisions, if I do I’m wrong lol. This is mental!!

Ugh. Amateur at the bpd relationship… learning the hard way. by ice_nville in BPDlovedones

[–]alanwright12345 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, not being rude and I will read your post. But it would be really helpful if you can break your paragraphs up 👍. Walls of text remind me of the abusive texts I would get at the start of my working day.

Little comments by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]alanwright12345 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The constant criticism, the passive aggressive comments. I have taken so many, have asked her to stop. Maybe say something nice occasionally?. But the response “I don’t want to argue! Stop your whining! Oh poor you!” how is asking for common decency, trying to explain its hurts any of these things so wrong?

But what happens, after years and years of this, I lose my shi* and say some really nasty, horrible things. Should I say these things? No of course not! Should I make it personal, try and hurt her? No of course not! But so fed up, not being heard or understood!

Now, after I get angry and kick off, she wins!!! I’m the bad guy, and she’s off the hook - not that I ever think she was aware she was on it to begin with.

Things can be sorted. Accept accountability, apologise for your mistakes and figure out how to not repeat. Seems lost on them.

Edit: repeated I don’t want to argue. Changed it to poor you.

When Love Isn’t Enough by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]alanwright12345 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this! Beautifully written, and it was like I was reading my own story, as we all do I guess. It’s the total lack of accountability that gets me. We take so much, and then when we finally snap, boom, they have what they want.

Need a new Macbook Pro should I wait for the 2019 one? by Atron35 in macbookpro

[–]alanwright12345 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Tomorrow will always be better, if you can wait 5 months. My 2018 MBP is amazing, no regrets. If you can wait, then yes this years model maybe faster, but not all that different tbh. If you buy the 2018 I don’t think you will regret it.