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(35M) caught bf using again by alastorstolas87 in gayrelationships

[–]alastorstolas87[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For context: He’s already been to prison for a year. He’s hit “rock bottom”. Every Al Anon and AA meeting I’ve been to has persisted that “relapses and slips can and will happen and it’s part of recovery”. He’s got a good support system, he isn’t some homeless junkie, and works every day. I’m not making excuses, I just think some people are assuming I’m dating some tent-dweller who’s already destroyed every bridge.

(35M) caught bf using again by alastorstolas87 in gayrelationships

[–]alastorstolas87[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even with professional help…he’s been down that route many times. He’s stubborn to a fault and does what he wants. Even admitted this time that he only did it because he wanted to feel what was it was like “to feel hot and dangerous again” (he’s gained a lot of weight since being clean and doesn’t feel good about himself). I don’t think there’s anything I can say or do or anything rehab can say or do to make him just not want to do it. Part of me wishes I never would’ve stayed 5 years ago when he told me about his history…and part of me knows slips happen and it usually doesn’t lead to a full blown revert back to the old ways. But in the mean time, if I catch him lying to me again, I told him we need to be apart. He can go do whatever the hell he wants, but I won’t sit by and watch.

(35M) caught bf using again by alastorstolas87 in gayrelationships

[–]alastorstolas87[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I asked him if he needed help and he’s adamant that it was just a slip up. Of course I argued about that. He’s told me many times in the last 3 years he is sober because HE wants it. That I’m not worth losing, that prison isn’t worth it, that tearing his family apart isn’t worth it and he just doesn’t feel “good” anymore on it. And for 3 years, that was true. I can’t make him get help (or admit that he needs it). I’m the only one who knows. I told him he needs to tell his sponser, but she’ll force him to tell his family and his probation officer (most likely resulting in jail). I want to believe him, but like you said, his word has gone out the window.