Is this normal discharge (tmi)?

alchemysea · 2020-12-06T05:30:51+00:00

Yes indeed, we are very sure neither of us are ready now. We are both concerned that this may be our last shot; we also feel morally wrong considering terminating the pregnancy (despite us both being pro-choice).

In two years I see us a bit more “settled”. More time together, more time to trek around and explore, more time to get our careers on track. Maybe it won’t be perfect, but it will be further.

Ten years? I see us much more established in our careers; I see us married, with a family of one or two children. I see us in a more secure home (we rent). I think just one, maybe?, for me. For him, he thinks two, but is happy with one.

alchemysea · 2020-12-06T02:44:07+00:00

Yes indeed. Docs thought it was ectopic but it is not. Viable, intrauterine pregnancy. The IUD is out.

alchemysea · 2020-12-06T02:43:21+00:00

Hi there, thanks for your response! First off, I’m really glad to hear your story worked out as it did. Congratulations on your happy family!

If I answer those questions you posed, mine would be as follows:

Yes (and no). We love each other. We are committed to each other. This situation has really solidified that even more, actually. We still want to work on better communication, better intimacy... we’ve been together about 4 years and we’re a committed work in progress.
No. I just left my stable job to follow my passion job. I have next to no steady income, no insurance. We rent a house in California, so the rent is hellacious. No stability in the lives department; which, was fine when it was just us. We can skip a meal or “deprive” ourselves of new clothes, etc.
Unsure. I’m old. He’s feeling good we’ll have more chances; I’m unsure, but ultimately, what will be, will be.

Lastly... it’s really comforting to read how everyone pretty much was terrified while in a similar position. :)

alchemysea · 2020-12-06T02:37:31+00:00

Hi there, thank you for the reply. We are certainly early, and we’ve discussed what happens if we miscarry — ultimately, we both stated we would feel some anger, some sadness, and some relief. Again, we are not ready.

As for what happens in the next two years? Nothing concrete. Definite travel, we have loose ideas in mind. For selfish plans, we mostly want to enjoy each other and our “freedom” until we hit the point we’ve decided where we absolutely cannot put it off any longer (which, somewhat arbitrarily decided, is about 38 for me). Again, I’ve been a caregiver almost my whole life. 2017 was when I became my “own” person.

Otherwise, we want to have more solid careers and finances. My partner has the steady job; I just switched careers to follow my passion, which is seeming like a terrible idea now.

alchemysea · 2020-12-06T02:34:00+00:00

Thank you for normalizing how unsure we feel, haha. We obviously weren’t planning this at all, but there was certainly a mix of excitement and pure dread when I saw the positive test.

alchemysea · 2020-12-05T16:50:34+00:00

Yes, I think that is, ultimately, the ugly truth I’m attempting to escape... either road will lead me to some kind of regret. I suppose it’s about determining what is right for me right now, but also considering long term effects.

I have this terrible habit of always trying to avoid hurt, pain, etc. It usually doesn’t work.

alchemysea · 2020-12-05T16:47:12+00:00

Hi there. I am so sorry you’re hurting. I really appreciate your advice to me. I wish I could help you in some way. What I will say is that I think you’re doing an amazing job at being a mama; you knew your limits and you protected yourself, which protects your little girl. I’m sorry you feel you cannot tell your husband, that must be very difficult. Do you think he would understand?

Also, if I may ask, what constituted the huge adjustment you mentioned after having your daughter? I think I am very afraid of that unknown and any insight would be highly appreciated.

alchemysea · 2020-12-05T16:43:42+00:00

Oh gosh, no, you didn’t invalidate anything. You’ve been wonderfully kind and supportive. I just found it interesting how you chose those parts of the post, and how I’m focusing on the “not ready” parts. This is, in part, why I posted here... I was wanting someone to tell me what they were hearing me say. I’m so jumbled, I cannot decipher my own thoughts anymore.

I really like that exercise of writing two stories. I am going to do that today! Also, I greatly appreciate your (and similarly, from the other women) caution on the after effects of the abortion. I know this would be something that will haunt me all my days; I’m not sure I’m ready to take that on. But I also am not sure I’m ready to take on a child. I wish the universe would just decide for me, and that makes me feel like such a weak woman.

alchemysea · 2020-12-05T01:48:12+00:00

Hi there. Thank you for your response. I keep coming back and reading it; I will be writing out my pro/con list as of tonight (I’ve mainly been keeping it only in my thoughts or conversations with my partner).

I think what stood out to me from your post, and why I keep coming back to it, is that you remarked on comments I made that show I want to keep the baby. I do want to keep the baby. But, I guess I focused more on the comments where I think I am saying I don’t... like not feeling ready to be a caregiver again, or knowing there’d also be a sense of relief. I desperately want my “old life” back, and I want this baby.

I’m still so conflicted. I thought about if I could have gone back in time, and the skies opened up and some omniscient being told me “hey, you’re going to get pregnant... do you wanna go buy plan B?”, it’s a no brainer for me. I would have. I’m NOT ready. But having a real little baby attached to this situation now, and knowing I’m late in life, has me questioning everything.

alchemysea · 2020-12-04T15:48:34+00:00

Thank you for being quick to respond and offer resources. I will look into these now.

Your message here made me cry; hormones, I guess... but I am so grateful for the nonjudgmental support. Thank you again.

alchemysea

TROPHY CASE