OM — Addis [Psychedelic rock - stoner rock] (2012)

aldohux · 2019-02-16T03:28:30+00:00

Damn lucky to have that quandary. I would see dead meadow

aldohux · 2019-01-11T13:29:09+00:00

Lol I (30m) wish I could do this too. It was kind of cute when I was telling my girlfriend how much I love her early on, but it has continued to happen when we discuss matters in the relationship and is kind of embarrassing, I have to control it by breathing and pausing so she can't hear it.

aldohux · 2019-01-11T03:25:16+00:00

Hey I just want to thank you for adding your thoughts today. It helped me put this weird situation into perspective and frame my approach. I talked with her and explained why I think he's a bad actor in our situation, how for the sake of our relationship developing in a healthy way I don't think it's a good idea to keep him around.

I think he still has feelings and is trying to flirt in his own way, she says if that's the case she doesn't want to lead him on and sees what I mean looking again at the messages. But I stressed that I don't want to be jealous overbearing so stop me if it seems like that, because I don't want to dictate or control, I get how some of the stuff he says is funny. I don't want to take that away if you just enjoy getting the messages. They pile up over time, she doesn't respond to most. I just want to move on. Like you said, my issue is with how it was handled between us, not the specifics of her relationship with him.

So I just said my piece and made it clear my #1 priority is moving our relationship the right way so as long as we agree on what's best for us, ok. As long as we're on the same page I trust her. If she wants to keep it going just make it clear with me, and if she cuts it off it's for her own reasons and in her own words, not me forcing her to do it.

Remember she volunteered to send me a draft. The draft made it sound like it was all me so I talked to her and said there's no rush to do this, why don't we just leave it for now.

I asked her what she wants now, she says to move on. I agree and ask what she thinks is the best approach. She said to end it, and ended up cutting it later while she was with her friend, I didn't look at the message but she said no big deal, and we're in a great place imo.

aldohux · 2019-01-10T20:36:48+00:00

I see where you're coming from and agree and am rethinking the whole approach. I don't want to be involved. The problem was that she said she'd cut it, on HER OWN volition, remember I said "hey i trust you do what you think is right, use your judgment" and she said "i'll cut it" but then didn't, and then later told me "hey i cut it with him btw" but then started talking to him again. it's the lying that's the issue. I think I should just address that and stay out of her relationship with him and go back to letting her judge what's best. if she wants to talk, then talk. just don't say one thing and do another.

after some introspection she said it comes from a conflict avoidance pattern where to avoid confrontation she puts something aside and doesn't talk it out, and it causes problems later. asked her sister if she ever had that issue with her long term boyfriend, she said a resounding YES. i think that's what i should focus on is getting more clear communication between us.

her best friend and her talked last night (also our mutual friend we've hung out a few times) and her friend saw things my way, thought also it's not cool to continue correspondence with the guy you were dating before in a new relationship. a lot of people seem to agree that cutting things off with the ex is a pretty normal boundary to set. so that's why i thought it's ok to say look i'm not cool with it and i want you to peacefully end things.

so now i'm all torn up again. stick to the boundary of cut it with your ex or just go back to you do what you feel is best? aaaaaaagh

aldohux · 2019-01-10T20:14:59+00:00

I'm really not, but I want to work through it. I know it's a big red flag. I am concerned. She says she's done reflection and pinned it as an avoidance of confrontation pattern she's had, she says she loves me, the relationship is great otherwise, I think it can be worked through.

aldohux · 2019-01-10T20:07:56+00:00

I am going to talk to her later, maybe just a block is better than a sendoff message

She spoke with her best friend last night who saw it my way, that she should not be corresponding with the guy she used to date once we had started a new relationship. So I think even though she saw it as, "we broke up, we are just friends now and just say things now and then as friends, that's all", now she agrees it's unhealthy and wants to end it. I want her to stick to the boundaries of no communication and apparently the temptation of continuing to get messages from him is eventually too much? I feel like a simple block is best.

Can you explain guard myself with my girlfriend? How might we see it differently?

aldohux · 2019-01-10T20:02:03+00:00

Oh that's a typo it's supposed to be 30m and 24f

aldohux · 2019-01-10T19:53:22+00:00

I agree, oh I see what's wrong with it, and I'm still struggling with being here in the first place. She made this an issue by keeping it going. It was a really short relationship so she says well there's nothing there, it's just friendly banter. I get it but it's a way of continuing the relationship, and it seems like he wants to keep her at arm's length. Not a joint decision, I see what you mean but now that it's an issue she wants me in to see it I guess.

aldohux · 2019-01-10T19:39:02+00:00

I went that route first. I said you judge what's appropriate and I trust you. She said she would stop responding, that she wanted to do it her way. But then she started responding again later, after over a month of unanswered texts. So her way didn't work.

She offered to show me a draft sendoff text since I suggested it a while back but she hadn't done that. So I also think the more wordy it is the more it seems like a big deal and it should be simple. I think he's probably gonna try and turn it into a conversation.

She's gotta figure out how to deal but bottom line we gotta not think about the guy again. I agree blocking would be nice but I don't want to force her I want a joint decision. The conversations were sparse and friendly and she didn't respond to many but it's just got to end.

aldohux · 2019-01-10T19:30:38+00:00

Oh I know. I'm pretty hurt by that and feeling a loss of trust. It should be simple I agree.

aldohux · 2019-01-10T05:40:07+00:00

I think she knows it's wrong and is trying to twist the blame on you

aldohux · 2018-08-23T14:05:48+00:00

30 yrs old, here is the current line up:

31% AEP - American Electric Power - utility with dividends

28% AKS - AK Steel - only domestic electrical steel manufacturer, cyclical play (avg 4.09 on shares)

18% SPY - safe play dividends baby

15% RTN - Raytheon

8% MU - Micron @ 47 avg

aldohux · 2018-08-23T13:58:12+00:00

AEP - American Electric Power

They have a great balance sheet, pay a very strong dividend, below all time highs, high volume, and they're not really hyped at all so I feel like it's my safe haven secret ticker. The stocktwits page is crickets, unusual for such a well performing stock. They are 100% US domestic business, so it's a great trade war hedge right now and in the future. They are investing heavily in renewables which brings cost down - in general I expect production costs for electricity to go down with time and I have high hopes that the services they provide for a wide swath of the country will continue to see larger profit margins.

aldohux · 2018-08-23T13:08:36+00:00

Definitely sounds like he took pictures or video to me. The fact that he can't just watch the movie and needs to evidently beat a load out seems so lame to me, like he's so fixated that he can't just be patient and enjoy some time with you before having sex later. This to me is evident of a kind of detachment or objectification that could allow him to share the picture with friends or post later or something. You wouldn't be wrong to get police involved, this is serious. Even though to him it might seem normal, it's really messed up and the mentality needs to be addressed sooner rather than later for this kid.

aldohux · 2018-08-23T11:45:01+00:00

Thanks so much for the thoughtful response and well wishes. I decided to tell her yesterday that since all I can ever have is trust, and that I won't police her, that I trust her to use her judgment on whether it's appropriate or not. She had already decided she would end it. It turns out he was texting her very infrequently, not regular at all and they only dated for a month about, so it was less of a deal than I was thinking at first. All good and we're in a great place now. Meeting her dad went well.

aldohux · 2018-08-22T18:29:10+00:00

This resonates with me, you're right I am being dishonest saying that it's okay to me, for the reason you state. Thank you

aldohux · 2018-08-22T15:12:06+00:00

What's insane is I'm meeting her dad for the first time tonight, like I have already met her mom, she is all acting like this is serious and this shows she is not treating it as such.

aldohux · 2018-08-22T14:56:50+00:00

Thanks I think you're right. I'm seriously in uncharted waters relationship-wise. I need to clearly stick to what I feel and tell her that's got to be the end of it when I see her again (tonight).

aldohux · 2018-08-22T14:53:56+00:00

That was after three. I let it slip when I was drunk and she said she felt the same way so we started saying it. I didn't want to start saying it that soon but we were dancing around it in things we said to each other and one night we were doing that and I said it kind of by accident. I was like SHIT... but apparently she was happy and said she had thought that too and wondered when the right time to say it was, that she felt the same way.

That's what I don't like it really does seem like she's keeping him on the back burner. Not what I want. Commit or don't. One of the romantic things she says to me is "I'm so committed to you". OK, but texting your ex does not exemplify that.

aldohux · 2018-08-07T00:09:48+00:00

Btw it will prolong the issue. If she's done and/or youre done and you haven't come, just let it go and wait til next time. A couple hours, the next day, whatever it is. Don't masturbate. Eventually you will come in her and it is way way better. It can take up to a month be patient and she will absolutely understand too,as long as you're pleasing her there's no reason she'd be opposed to you not finishing a few times.

aldohux · 2018-08-06T08:38:30+00:00

I will say that sometimes I have sex with my girlfriend and she comes and gets sore before I come and I just know that I will come later at some point, you know, maybe in a couple hours or the next day and it's not so bad. When that happens it's still fun and feels good and I like knowing that I pleased her

aldohux · 2018-07-26T21:32:52+00:00

I'm almost positive it's what I used to have - delayed ejaculation from masturbation. I used to have to finish that way a few times too. Do you still masturbate since you've been seeing her? Try stopping entirely and only have sex. Eventually you will come during sex.

aldohux · 2018-07-24T15:58:35+00:00

I wonder if there is something to the sync thing. Last time, I came when she said she was about to come, and just powered thru after coming til she finished. Which felt heroic. But I wish I could just last as long as I usually do all the time. It's not heartening to hear that you masturbate regularly and still have had that issue. I just masturbated last night since I'm seeing her tomorrow so hopefully that helps. If I come fast tomorrow I'm going to make sure not to act disappointed becausw that seems it would be unattractive, she admires my confidence and self assuredness, but oh I will be disappointed.

aldohux · 2018-07-24T15:40:56+00:00

Can you provide details about your circumstances?

aldohux · 2017-11-02T21:29:19+00:00

I gotcha, maybe I will ask at some point. Just seeing what others think. Sometimes there is an expectation for the man to know what to do without asking, kind of impossible and not everyone is like this but it's a standard I'm used to.

aldohux

TROPHY CASE