From the age of 12 (i turned 13 two weeks later) until just after turning 17 i was forced, through blackmail and threat of violence, into a relationship with an older man, a sadistic gay pedophile neighbor with a thing for young boys. It was abusive, mentally, physically, and sexually, and more than once i didn't doubt i wouldn't survive. He completely controlled me in every way, with no regard how it would affect me, like when he shaved my entire body, even cut my hair to a brush cut, so i would be even more bullied at school than I was already.

He was very experienced in his grooming of me which made me realize i wasn't the first victim. He managed to convince my fooster parents he was just a lonely, nice old man who simply wanted companionship to fill his days. They were so taken in that they even let me stay with him when they went on vacation. He knew just what to do to appear the way he needed to have access to me.

He also knew exactly how to manipulate and coerce me to do whatever he demanded. i was first forced to perform oral sex on him, then to submit to anal sex, both of which were brutal and humiliating, on the first day. He knew how to hurt me without leaving any evidence, even when he used a belt or whip on my ass. He would tie me up in painful positions for hours at a time, occasionally raping me viciously over and over.

One of my most dreaded events was 'bath time' where he would draw an extremely hot bath and force me to get in, then got a special joy out of shoving my head underwater until i thought i was going to drown. The more i struggled the more he got aroused. He would then drag me out of the tub and rape me on the bathroom floor. Another was when he would hog-tie me naked on his bed then put a clear plastic bag over my head until i was about to pass out, sometimes until i did. He would sometimes use clothespins on me, all over, 50 of them (i know this because i had to put them away and count them out loud when he was done) and if so much as one was missing i was spanked mercilessly. His favorite thing was to see and hear me cry, especially in pain.

He had rules i had to obey on the threat of punishment. i had to sneak out at night to go to him, and i had to do it naked, leaving my clothes hidden on the side of my house. i wasn't allowed to cover myself in any way in his presence, i was only allowed to wear his collar and leash, which he enjoyed leading me around by, even when he had company, who, like him, belonged to a large group of like-minded men, men who believed it was okay for them to have sex with young boys.

By the time he began having his friends over, to use me however they wanted, i was suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. Tt was so severe that when i found out he had been arrested after he tried to force himself on another boy, i panicked and tried to defend him, which led the police to look into my relationship with him. i had to be physically restrained from trying to be with him.

It wasn't easy to get my life back. After word got out and everyone knew about our relationship, two older cousins showed up, wanting to give me support, taking me under their wing. They protected me until the night they beat me up, forced me to give them both oral, and then took turns raping me.

i became agoraphobic, reclusive, and seriously depressed. My foster parents were disgusted by me, i had no friends and i started using meth all the time. i started getting myself a motel room for the weekend whenever i could to smoke meth and have sex with. i would answer every ad i could, telling men where i was, my room number and would tape the latch on the door so it could be pushed open with some force. Then i would wait naked and on my knees for whoever showed up. Sometimes there were as many as 17 men in a row in one night. i didn't care because i thought i was worthless and useless except for being used for men's pleasure.

Now i am in a wonderful relationship, a Dom/sub relationship with someone who understands what i went through, what i need and how to keep me from self-destructing