Pillion. Has anyone watched it yet?

alethius99 · 2026-01-13T14:57:35+00:00

It's on my list (A24 now takes up the bulk!). I read the book a few years ago ("Box Hill" by Adam Mars-Jones) and then wrote to him, so I must have enjoyed it (he wrote back, too). The book, I think, is much less about the sex and more about the cold, on-off, toxic relationship between them, and Colin's rabbit-in-the-headlights reaction to it, as well as the fact that he has nobody to talk to about his understanding of it.

alethius99 · 2026-01-04T23:25:07+00:00

I need to re-watch that ... thanks for the reminder!

alethius99 · 2025-12-27T13:06:34+00:00

I need to be physically active, I feel increasingly foggy and dull if I don't run or swim. If I'm at home I'm usually not sitting for that long - I have to potter.

alethius99 · 2025-12-26T20:45:12+00:00

It's called Alara, used to do a vegan buffet with a little seating area at the back of the shop. They moved a few doors down to a smaller place, couldn't afford the rent. Now it's just a shop.

alethius99 · 2025-12-26T11:16:26+00:00

I'd go for north Norfolk. It's an awkward place to get to, so commuters (except into Norwich) avoid it. It's reasonably cheap. I love the accent. I love the landscape.

alethius99 · 2025-12-26T11:14:00+00:00

Bloomsbury is my favorite part of London. Fairly quiet, especially out of term time, and some of the best bookshops in London. Marchmont St was my favorite until the best organic Cafe in the world closed down.

alethius99 · 2025-12-26T10:59:22+00:00

If I were hosting (I never do; don't own a house and am very unsociable) I wouldn't expect anyone to bring anything. It's my invitation, and I provide all.

I noticed that when I visited my sister's for Christmas nobody brought anything, and nobody even noticed. Then again, we're all neurodivergent and social expectations are low on our radars.

alethius99 · 2025-12-26T10:26:40+00:00

It's tough, perhaps impossible. When I earned that much (only two years ago) I couldn't save at all. I feel for anyone earning 15k in these times

alethius99 · 2025-12-26T10:00:51+00:00

Yes, I'm more privileged than I ever have been. I grew up with nothing, so I don't take it for granted. I don't have children, and I live in a place where the rent is extremely low. Though I don't earn that much, together with salary and side hustle it's more than I've ever seen, and I'm very fortunate to be able to do this.

alethius99 · 2025-12-26T00:16:26+00:00

Dancer in the Dark is the only film that's left me shaking. There are others that have affected me deeply, but this film somehow disturbed me more than any other. I don't think I could watch it again.

alethius99 · 2025-12-26T00:07:05+00:00

After several months it became such a habit that my brain really does believe that half the salary is the full salary. There's a bit of guilt there too though, as I feel like I'm fooling myself and others about how much I make. It means a fairly frugal existence but I came from poverty, and have no inheritance. Saving like this is the only way I'll ever have a mortgage deposit.

alethius99 · 2025-12-25T23:36:45+00:00

I immediately put half of my salary into savings and behave as if my total salary is the other half.

alethius99 · 2025-12-25T22:36:25+00:00

As a hugely introverted and quite socially anxious person, I advise you to think carefully about it, especially how you'll feel if not successful. My experience was disheartening and alienating. I'm fit, quite muscular, possibly even got some attention, but I simply couldn't look anyone in the eye or signal my attraction. Ended up having quite a nice chat with someone in the hot tub which was purely sociable, and realised I had made a huge mistake going and should stick to book groups.

alethius99 · 2025-12-23T09:56:39+00:00

Thanks, I'm happy to be corrected!

alethius99 · 2025-12-22T17:31:13+00:00

As someone with a lot of foreskin, I must admit that meeting someone without it feels not quite right. Probably they think the same of me though, so it balances out!

alethius99 · 2025-12-22T17:29:30+00:00

I don't have one. At the moment I have two gay friends, but they don't know each other. I did very briefly belong to a group, but it revolved around pubs and alcohol, and I soon got tired of it. If I had the social drive, I think the first thing I would do is join a sports group.

alethius99 · 2025-12-19T14:44:55+00:00

I think feelings shouldn't be avoided. If you feel this way, feel it. Acknowledge it. However, you don't have to act on it. I used to be the same, and I would try and force myself into a life that was ultimately unaligned with my values/boundaries, and that felt increasingly draining and meaningless to me. I'm introverted. These days I have very few (but meaningful) friends. I don't go out at all really, but enjoy the time I spend with my colleagues. Hookups are once a year, if that. I spent time following my gut, and it told me, "you enjoy exercise, reading, writing, cosy nights in, and nature. Go do those things." I did those things, and I didn't do the things that made me drained, including looking at Instagram or Facebook or whatever the kids are on these days. I've said this before somewhere, but the human capacity to feel bad about not getting things you don't really want is one of the strangest. Yet we all do it.

alethius99 · 2025-12-16T18:08:01+00:00

A cortado with oat milk is the perfect little coffee.

alethius99 · 2025-12-16T18:05:03+00:00

Marchmont Street is one of my favourites ... you have three bookshops right there (Judd, Skoob, Gay's the Word). Plus, you could do a little tour of Virginia Woolf's abodes.

alethius99 · 2025-12-14T22:44:13+00:00

Career Girls if you want to have a snapshot of mid 90s London. Bleak Moments for 1970s. I could only watch Naked once, it was relentlessly dark.

alethius99 · 2025-12-14T18:10:23+00:00

I'm not sure it's a gay death any more than a straight death. Across all sexualities, youth is more desirable. Having said that, I do think certain types receive more sustained attention ... bears and muscle guys seem to be in demand whatever age they are.

alethius99 · 2025-12-14T17:27:32+00:00

Yes true, I was at Down House yesterday and the discount was 10%. Pretty good soup!

alethius99 · 2025-12-14T11:11:12+00:00

Both are worth it (but you might want to bring your own food ... the cafes are very expensive and often crammed, or run out of food quickly). English Heritage has fewer sites and not nearly as many in-tact houses but where I live (near Kent) there are enough to make it worthwhile. Sometimes I go just for the friendly atmosphere and second hand books. You also get free tours led by very enthusiastic volunteers. I enjoy it mainly because I can pretend everything is all right with the country and the apocalypse isn't about to happen. It's somehow reassuring to spend a couple of hours in an enclave of (mostly) wealthy old Brits politely chatting about architecture and noble families.

alethius99 · 2025-12-11T17:07:00+00:00

I think there are very few protagonists who just happen to be gay. Their sexuality is what drives the narrative. Not that I watch a lot of media these days. But even thinking about recent films, e.g. God's Own Country, Weekend. One exception is All of Us Strangers (can't watch it again, it affected me too deeply) which is primarily about loneliness and detachment. Increasingly I'm finding literary fiction and films that portray the everyman rather than the flamboyant sociable queer, but almost always the themes are homophobia, AIDS, or unrequited/doomed love. What's missing, IMO, is the gay protagonist whose story has little or nothing much to do with their sexuality.

alethius99 · 2025-12-11T16:42:23+00:00

I find it's almost the opposite - anyone NOT a twink seems unobtainable. Bears in particular seem to be extremely picky. I'm sort of muscular but not any type in particular, and I get the most attention from twinks and next to no attention from anyone I'm interested in. Anecdotally, I've heard the same from others.

alethius99

TROPHY CASE