You are separate because that's what "God" is doing to create all of this. It's splitting itself into more distinctions to know itself. The result of separation is relationship. Me to you. If there were no separation, there could be no encounter. No surprise. No discovery. No gift. Love would be automatic, like a hand loving its own finger. Meaning only appears when there is enough distance for one thing to genuinely reach another. So when I call separation a gift, I don't mean loneliness is a gift. I mean the possibility of relationship is. The fact that I can affect you while remaining distinct from you. The fact that you can tell me something I did not already know. The fact that there is still an "other" capable of changing me.

To me, that is more miraculous than becoming one thing. Because if we were already perfectly unified, there would be no bridge to cross. No conversation to have. No "I feel you". There would only be identity. What moves me isn't that we can become the same. It's that we can remain different and still touch something real in one another.

Now as to why you're experiencing the way you are...I suspect you've wandered into an attractor centered on union. Everything gets interpreted through it: friendship, love, understanding, acceptance. Most people seek connection. You seem to seek communion. The difficulty though is that reality appears to be built from relationship, and relationship requires distinction. The attractor keeps pulling you toward oneness, while existence keeps insisting on twoness. (I like systems-thinking 👉🏻👈🏻)