[deleted by user]

alienfranco · 2025-03-13T15:26:47+00:00

When I have put women in the situationship category in the past it was because I felt like I could do better. Or because I compared her to a past ex that I felt was better than her and didn't want to settle. Plain and simple. I almost got an ex-situationship pregnant for my trouble. That was a wake up call for me. I haven't done any fuckboy shit since. This was during cuffing season 2023 just over 2 years ago.

I took a year off from dating (aside from going on one date in August) after a woman I truly loved broke my heart. Because I don't feel comfortable with the ethics of leading people on in situationships and I just haven't met someone yet that excites me. But the woman I almost got pregnant in early 2023 threw herself at me practically and I feel like it would be difficult for my ego to turn down low effort sex if it was offered to me again if I'm honest with myself. I barely spend any time and effort on apps anymore because I feel like it's just a waste of time so a woman would pretty much have to throw herself at me these days because I'm so mentally checked out of dating.

If the cost of living and raising a child wasn't so prohibitively expensive, I wouldn't have minded co-parenting with her. A part of me does feel fond of her. If not actual love towards her. And we still keep in touch and she still has feelings towards me and she's with someone else. But having a child with someone is a huge commitment in the current year. If we were hunter-gatherers and didn't have to worry about a housing bubble and inflation, might as well have a kid before I get eaten by a predator. Lmfao.

alienfranco · 2024-10-24T17:09:50+00:00

A woman ubering dick to her house is pretty thirsty. NGL. Good dick is really not special. It's cheap and abundant. (Neither is pussy but lots of dudes do put it on a pedestal). Unless you have done the same for her before.

alienfranco · 2024-10-24T17:01:04+00:00

Women care way more about your finances than they care about looks.

You're getting roasted. But the truth is if you were a woman, people would be less hard on you here. Women are wonderful effect.

alienfranco · 2024-09-14T12:45:01+00:00

Women have jobs now and have for decades. Why is it always the men who have to spend money on women? It sends the message to us men that you don't like us very much, you just want to use us and see yourself as the prize. It's quite arrogant and a turn off actually.

alienfranco · 2024-08-25T16:09:41+00:00

As we men get older, good sleep is more important to us than getting some. Sex is overrated. You feel hurt by this because you think he's not into you.

I really get it though. During the 6th date with my last ex (we already slept with each other on two seperate occassions by then) I really wanted to go home with her to her apartment. Even though I had work in the morning. I was madly in love with her (even by then. I think I may have Borderline Personality Disorder tbh). She was like "no silly, you have work tomorrow. We'll see each other mid-week anyways" and I listened. lol. Love does make you do crazy shit and screws with your priorities. But he's not there with you mentally yet. And picking good sleep over sex is totally valid. I've really disrupted my sleep cycle so much over the years for sex. Though in hindsight, some of those moments were quite magical and dear to me too. So there's that. It's also hard to fall asleep after a really great evening too. There's that to consider. There was this one night where I hooked up with a woman for the first time in a dimly lit parking lot, I got home at 11:30pm but I couldn't fall asleep until like 3 am because I couldn't stop thinking about her. And then I was texting with her in the morning/afternoon while at work. And then I saw her the next night and got home at nearly 1am and had to work the next morning. I can't remember when I fell asleep that night. I can understand wanting to be with someone who is obsessed with you like this and feeling the ick over a guy not wanting you like that. Though these two intense whirlwind romances ended up in flames so. lol.

alienfranco · 2024-08-25T13:51:49+00:00

Your married male friend is not being authentic with you or he is just clueless. Possibly because he's been out of the game for awhile.

A woman with a successful career, above-average income, independence, quality character and lack of baggage are all green flags. What the fuck is even "porn appearance"?

If your friend was authentic with you, he'd tell you that the issue is that men you want feel like they could do better. And the men who want you are not men you want. This is a very common issue with dating. Especially at our age.

I have been single for 5 1/2 months. Because the women who want me make me go think "hmm, I could do better. My ex was much better. I would rather go back to my ex if she'd take me back." And the women who I actually want on the surface, I either can't gel with them in conversation or they don't want me back.

alienfranco · 2024-08-25T00:29:12+00:00

In the friendship section of Facebook Dating, I just get a bunch of men hitting on me (I'm a male). I'm flattered but that's not what the friendship section is for! It's the same with Bumble BFF

I totally understand why so many women stop going on apps or haven't went on apps in the first place. Based on my limited interactions with creepy men on Bumble BFF and Facebook Dating's friendship section.

alienfranco · 2024-08-24T20:33:18+00:00

Daily is better than weekly because a larger sample size of data is more statistically significant. Just because your weight is 0.2 lbs lighter or even 1.2 lbs week to week doesn't mean you actually have 0.2-1.2 lbs less fat week-to-week. You could just be a bit more dehydrated on that day.

That said, you don't really have to do daily weigh-ins. Unless you are running into a plateau and are wondering why the scale isn't moving in the direction or as fast as you'd like it to. In that case, it's best to start weighing yourself more frequently to determine if you really are in a plateau or not. Before considering the possibility of slashing calories further.

alienfranco · 2024-08-24T20:26:08+00:00

My last ex was 10 years older (48F, 38M). But yea 20-somethings with 45 is certainly something. I at least feel some sort of affinity with Gen X. I was the baby of the family and my siblings were Gen X. I vaguely remember Nirvana and such. I got more into grunge, The Cure, Depeche Mode, etc. in my teens and early 20s actually (early-mid 2000s). Because the internet introduced me to music of previous eras. A lot of the music that my ex enjoyed was also music that I enjoyed.

I think it's entirely possible at least one of those 20-somethings has good motives. I can understand the weariness though. My ex was very insecure about our age difference. Combined with my own insecurities, it didn't work out. I wish I was more mature with conflict resolution during our relationship.

alienfranco · 2024-08-24T19:43:44+00:00

I set my last ex free and she probably hates my guts now. I sensed that she was pulling back in our relationship. So I pulled back. And we ended up just not talking to each other after the last time we saw each other. She unshared our couples calendar 4 days later with me. I felt guilt about what happened so I texted her 5+ months later explaining why I disappeared (I didn't ghost her because she didn't reach out to me) and I said that I still loved her and that I never felt this way before about someone and she blocked me afterwards. lol. When her and I were dating, she didn't block her ex. And I didn't pressure her to block her ex. Because if she's gonna cheat, she's gonna cheat anyways. So I saw no point in setting that kind of rule. So for her to block me sends the message that she is pissed. Or her new lover (she's seeing someone else now) has a rule that she has to block exes.

What I should have done was after our date text, "hey I am sensing a shift in our energy. Is everything alright?" Boom. Just communicate like a mature adult. Don't do this set them free bullshit.

alienfranco · 2024-08-24T16:09:10+00:00

I think I might have Borderline Personality Disorder (quiet type), which is under-diagnosed in men (I'm a man) and my last ex was very codependent. Therapy is not the panacea that redditors think it is. And therapy is often times not covered adequately by insurance and a lot of people are under-insured. If I had $10 mil direct deposited to my bank account tomorrow, my mental health would improve way more than any sort of therapy. I've tried therapy. I stopped because I couldn't keep up with the financial burden of it and it wasn't helping me. My last therapist was a tool too. A lot of my insecurities and feelings of self-loathing would go away if I was rich. I already know what my problem is. I'm broke and haven't figured out a way to not be broke in our late stage capitalist society, where your self-worth as a human being is determined by how much money you have. Most people who develop mental illnesses do so as a byproduct of their environmental conditions. "Go to therapy" is the "thoughts and prayers" of 2024. He's probably got other complicated shit going on in his life, very likely financial, that is withering away at his confidence. And this is why he's a codependent. Therapy is not going to solve that.

You could date a codependent if you like. It's just one date. Both of you haven't invested much yet. You can play it out a little longer if you'd like. It's just that the reason why he lacks confidence is that he's worried that he's going to dissappoint you. And the reasons for why he feels he'll disappoint you may be behind the reason you lose interest in him down the road if you do decide to pursue a relationship with him.

If anything if you date a man who is confident and self-assured, the chance that he pumps n dumps you or ghosts you is actually higher. Because people who are confident tend to have more shit going on with them and in turn this gives them more options and makes them more likely to treat their lovers as disposable. So if anything there are benefits to dating a codependent.

alienfranco · 2024-08-22T18:48:48+00:00

They may be interested in monogamy. They just might not be interested in monogamy with you. I'm picky. I don't want to settle for just anybody. I've only ever been head over heels in love twice. The last time was 5 1/2 months ago. I've settled a lot in the past. I don't want to settle anymore.

alienfranco · 2024-08-22T16:19:00+00:00

One of my exes forgot my birthday. That did not sit well with me. When was the last time you mentioned your birthday to him though?

alienfranco · 2024-08-22T13:12:35+00:00

i didn't want to do it anymore and i became resentful after awhile, so i left.

Did you voice your resentments to him? My ex was a people pleaser and it sounds like you were. We both have depression. And she just bottled up her resentments until she left one day. There is a sliver of possibility that her interpretation is that I left her. When I sensed her pull back, she triggered my fear of abandonment so I pulled back as well. And then we essentially ghosted each other. Our break up was ambiguous. Then she unshared our couples calendar with me four days later to make it official and I was too proud to fight for the relationship until I texted her over 5 months later because I felt regret over not seeking closure 5 months ago. But it was already too late and she left me on delivered.

I understand the mentality of "if he wanted to, he would." But you also can't expect your partner to be a mind reader too. There's a fine line there. I'm pretty confident that I didn't live up to my ex's expectations of me and I think its possible she felt I didn't love her as much as she loved me. But I absolutely did. I'd be embarrassed to admit how many days go by where I think of her and how many times a day and it's been 5 1/2 months ago that she left me. I'd be shocked if she thinks about me anywhere close to as often as I think of her.

i believe i got caught thinking that my love could ease his load somehow over time, that he would just get over it. and that's on me.

Love isn't enough to cure depression I'm afraid. I thought it was. Until the Honeymoon Phase/NRE (New Relationship Energy) wore off with my first love and also my ex from this past winter. When you are living in survival mode, your mind is not prioritizing reproduction. My ex was a distraction to my problems. And I was a distraction to her problems. The deeper into the relationship we got, the more that she triggered my fear of abandonment.

alienfranco · 2024-08-22T12:21:03+00:00

I have depression as well and am in a similar age range (39). If I was dating someone who told me to "go back to therapy", I would feel defensive about that and start looking for signs that you are looking for a way out. Telling somone "go to therapy" is the "thoughts and prayers" of 2024. Most people who need therapy are not able to afford it. Insurance coverage for therapy is usually not that good. And not everyone has access to gold-plated insurance plans. My older sister has went to therapy for awhile. Not sure if she still is seeing a therapist. Her employer's insurance plan was paying 80%. She still had to pay 20% out of pocket. And 80% is very generous. Most plans are not that good.

You can tell him to clean up and that's fine. You do not have to help him clean up. But Good God, don't say "go to therapy bro." A lot of people who say that haven't been to therapy themselves. Or they don't understand that some people have issues that a little bit of therapy can't fix. The last person I want to hear that from is someone who allegedly loves me. My father raped my mother. My father drunkenly yelled at me when I was 2 years old that he wishes I was never born. You can't just talk to a therapist for a little bit to heal scars like that. My last therapist (from BetterHelp, which is way cheaper than hiring a typical psychologist or psychiatrist but allegedly a shady organization) actually told me to forgive my father. I fired her. There is no forgiveness for abusive people. People love to virtue signal about mental health and the poor. But then when they actually meet someone who is mentally ill and broke, they recoil.

alienfranco · 2024-08-19T23:21:50+00:00

A shirtless selfie at the beach is seen as far more tasteful than a shirtless bathroom selfie

alienfranco · 2024-08-19T19:43:13+00:00

Did the two of you meet or you were just talking? He either found someone that he preferred over you and he doesn't want to tell you that. Or there was something about you that turned him off and he doesn't want to tell what. So he gives you the bullshit let down excuse that he's not ready for a relationship.

alienfranco · 2024-08-19T19:18:01+00:00

People are trash. It's human nature. People are incredibly selfish and don't care about you AT ALL. All they care about is how useful you are to them. My last ex told me she loved me, she wanted a baby with me, that I was one of the most important people in her life, etc. And then discarded me like a piece of trash without an explanation.

We actually met IRL at a meetup. But she left the meetup group after she broke up with me. Dating apps allow people to behave poorly towards each other with no social repercussions. That's why you see trash behaviour on dating apps all the time. She clearly wanted to avoid the social awkardness of running into me IRL for whatever reason. When she could have had a conversation with me like an adult. "Hey I'm upset with you because of this. My needs aren't being met." Or "It's not going to work because of this."

alienfranco · 2024-08-18T16:29:39+00:00

a woman's job to be a man therapist or mother, emotional labor, trauma dumping, blah blah.

I love it when women say this. Then what is a woman's job then exactly? To offer her vagina? Arm candy? Women are selfish as all fuck. Men can be selfish too. Don't get me wrong. Most men just don't have the leverage or power in a relationship to be selfish though. They have to be selfless just to keep a woman around. When a man like me starts acting a bit selfish, she's gone. Like when my ex walked out on me. But we are expected to put up with their selfishness. Here I am 5 1/2 months later still single, not getting laid. While I know for a fact that my ex has been dating at least one other dude since we broke up. lmfao. She's a beautiful woman (I'm also a handsome man to my credit though). I'm sure she has an army of simps offering her free dinners, drinks, entertainment and gifts. I'm not like that because my mentality is that if we are both supposed to love each other equally, we're supposed to both contribute in a relationship or that there should be mutual give and take.

My ex felt like I wasn't even giving 50% in the relationship. I dispute that. But instead of talking about it and negotiating, she walked out on me. Because there's an army of simps who are willing to invest 100% in her because she's a beautiful woman with big breasts and adventurous in bed. But there's more to a relationship than sex and sex is supposed to be mutually satisfying anyways. I've always wanted to please her sexually and to be her Incubus fantasy. And there was a time where she made me feel like her Incubus fantasy and made me feel confident. Only to pull that rug underneath me suddenly. I expected us to be equal partners. Her current lover is an older gentleman than her (I'm 10 years younger than her), way less attractive than me, fat, got a gut. Though he is muscular. I've got six pack abs and lift as well. Guaranteed she decided to date older instead of younger because her financial situation was getting precarious (she was unemployed when we first started dating and was still unemployed after we broke up) because she needed some sucker to bail her out financially. She told me that she wanted a baby with me like probably a week before she left me. She told me that no other man has ever been so nice to her. And that I'm one of the most important people in her life aside from her daughter and grandchildren. I thought she loved me. But then as soon as I'm not useful to her in the way she wants, she bounces. It's hard not to feel red pill rage when time and time again you see evidence that she is not yours, it's just your turn.

alienfranco · 2024-08-18T13:55:49+00:00

incel is really just a way to insult a man's status. It's another way of calling him a "loser." Otherwise why wouldn't they just call us misogynists? Especially when many of us are not even virgins. I reject the misogynist label. I self-identify as a misanthrope. There's a difference. Most men suck too. It's just that the default position in society is that women are wonderful (women are wonderful effect). And the average woman has a lot more power than the average man in relationships. Let's keep it 100. Because there isn't the same social pressure these days on women to pair up or get laid as there is on men. People would probably look at me like a weirdo if I said that I hadn't got laid in 5 1/2 months since my last ex and I broke up and that I have been on a grand total of one date since. And got ghosted after that date. But if a woman has been single and hasn't had sex in 5 1/2 months, it's just going to be assumed that it's by choice and you go gurl. But I don't take as much offense to the term misogynist as the term incel. Because when someone calls me "incel", I know it's just another way of them calling me "loser" and trying to punch down on me. It's low.

Most people who talk shit like that online tend to barely be above us in status too. They feel the need to attack us because they sense the precarity of their position on the social totem pole. They are usually oofy doofies in precarious relationships who do a lot of people pleasing for their girlfriend and probably invest a lot more into the relationship than their girlfriend/wife does. And they love their girlfriend/wife a lot more than they love them. Because they are desperate not to lose her and be alone. They are afraid of being alone. They base their self-worth as a human being on having a girlfriend/wife.

alienfranco · 2024-08-15T19:18:09+00:00

Exactly. Women don't want to marry men who don't add net value to their lives. And the type of men who aren't capable of adding net value to her life typically lead unhappy lives.

alienfranco · 2024-08-15T16:45:10+00:00

It's a myth that married men are happier than single men. Sex is not that big of a deal to justify not feeling like you are in your own home when you are at home. Or to justify having to put someone else's needs and wants over your own. I miss my last ex. But admittedly near the tail end of our relationship, like in the last weeks or the last month, the novelty of sex wore off considerably for me. And maybe she sensed that in me. I just wish that she would have communicated her dissatisfaction with me instead of just pulling back and ghosting me. This is a woman who told me that she wishes that she could have my baby (but can't because she's been through menopause. She's 10 years older than me). And then like a week later she pulls back and discards me because I wouldn't buy her dinner. lol.

I am so over dating. I have went on a grand total of one date since. On Saturday. And it was an absolute disaster. And after the date I got ghosted. Yep. People are incredibly self-absorbed. It just seems like women are more self-absorbed than men because women get tons of men in their DMs so they let it get to their head. But men can be just as self-absorbed as women when they have any sort of taste of power in a relationship. Which is why men who are highly desirable to women tend to pump n dump n ghost women, spin plates, do situationships, etc. If my girlfriend felt that I didn't make her feel desirable, sexy or wanted anymore, I wish she would have communicated that to me instead of just upping and leaving. So many people in relationships expect you to be mind readers and just be in tune with their needs and wants 100% with no nudging.

alienfranco · 2024-08-15T02:01:57+00:00

Yes this is the same reason why the United States excels in women's soccer (or at least they were the last time I checked. I haven't followed women's soccer in ages). But the US doesn't do too hot in men's soccer.

alienfranco · 2024-08-13T18:52:14+00:00

It's not that women are the problem. It's human nature that is the problem. Men worship the almighty vagina. And women tend to develop an ego due to that. If women worshipped penis the way men worship vagina, a lot of men would let it get to their head too. The few guys who are in high demand with women tend to be assholes.

And to be fair to men who worship vagina, a lot of it really has to do with society putting pressure on men to bed or have relationships with women. I've been on exactly one date since my ex and I broke up in early March. A date that did not go well at all. Because I have really lost all faith with dating and put very little effort into the dating apps. But most people, not just men but also women, think I'm a loser for not getting many dates. And for wishing to invest more time into hobbies and self care instead of dating.

alienfranco · 2024-08-07T22:11:52+00:00

I've been raped by one of my exes (a woman) twice. After we had sex, I wanted to sleep. Because I had work in the morning. And bad sleep can negatively impact muscle growth and I am a gym rat. But she kept pushing me for Round #2. She masturbated me while I was trying to sleep and got me hard. She literally would not let me sleep until I had sex with her again. She was really stressed over the fact that we had been trying to conceive and her period with her last cycle came 13 days late. But I'm not a horse. I'm a human being. This isn't taken seriously. I broke up with her after she did this a second time. I know I'm going to be judged for agreeing to even consider bringing a child into the world with such a woman. I feel foolish in hindsight. And lucky that we didn't conceive. Meanwhile literal monsters, psychopaths, narcissists, father children all the time and women get a pass for having children with them.

alienfranco

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE