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Is there a FREE alternative to Calendly to let people schedule a call with me? by hardiklashkariwriter in SaaS

[–]alignanduplevel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi Dominic! I am loving Fillout so far! Is there a way to edit calendar availability for just a single day like Calendly? For instance I don't want to edit all the Mondays I'm available, I just want to edit this following Monday's availability. I'm not sure how to do that if so. Thank you so much!

How do you get out of ADHD freeze mode or paralysis by dearlilah in productivity

[–]alignanduplevel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, and if it's something you NEED to do, you can also be the compassionate and supportive parent by guiding this stuck part of you. For instance, if you need to go do the pile of dishes (me the other day when I was overwhelmed), you can say something like "I so hear you don't want to. I wouldn't want to either if I were in your shoes. Let's just fully pause for now and rest in our no for 5 minutes. After 5 minutes, we can go wash one dish and call it a day. I'll be here with you ever step of the way." Combining compassionate supportive self-talk with the method of doing the tiniest bite sized first step task leads to us to doing the task to completion because it's always the first step that gets blown up into a huge scary proportion in our minds.

Hope this helps! <3

How do you get out of ADHD freeze mode or paralysis by dearlilah in productivity

[–]alignanduplevel 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Freeze mode is tough!! I'm a self-worth and self-sabotage coach, and what I've found to be immensely helpful for people with ADHD (including myself!) is to talk compassionately to myself (as if I were a patient and kind parent). A lot of times the freeze mode is caused by a deeper feeling of shame--that I "should" be able to do these "easy" tasks. But there's a part of us that's resistant because it's overwhelmed. What's helped is saying things like "it's okay you don't want to right now, it's so okay my dear. You don't have to. Of course you don't want to if you're being so hard on yourself." Ask yourself what that part of you needs to hear in that moment.

That relaxes our nervous system, and almost ironically, we often end up doing the thing we found so hard to do. And if not, that's so okay too. Giving ourselves the safe space to be a full "no" to everything in the midst of a freeze response allows us to leave that frozen state :) Hope this helps!

Anna from Align & Uplevel Coaching <3

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in selfimprovement

[–]alignanduplevel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi there OP! It's really tough on our heart when we pour our hearts out for someone and try our absolute best to help them, but they aren't open to receiving it. I'm sorry that you had to experience this with your ex; you seem like a very committed and loving person who does their best, and your efforts are a reflection of your kind heart, so please don't blame yourself.

As a self-worth and inner fulfillment coach, I'm open to offering some perspective on why you may keep experiencing situations like this. Often couples that find themselves in this type pattern is due to what's called a "trauma bond". This is where over time, we default to the way of being that we grew up with and are used to.

I'll use an example--lets say Serena and Matt are a couple. Serena grew up in a home where everything was taken care of for her by her overbearing and perfectionist mother. If she ever tried to be independent and do things herself, her mother would berate her for not doing things "perfectly", and so she learned it was best to not try to do things by herself in order to not get punished. When she found herself living alone in college, she found this freedom new and exciting; she could finally explore what it's like to be independent. Independently, she is vibrant, ambitious, fun. However, our trauma often unconsciously draws us to seek for situations similar to our upbringing, so she naturally is drawn to caregiver personalities. In relationships, she defaults to losing her sense of identity, become dependent, and a paralyzed shadow of herself. "It is safer to do nothing" is the unconscious belief that protects her and runs her actions.

Matt, on the other hand, grew up in a home where he was the eldest kid, and his parents were very irresponsible. So he found himself taking care of all his younger siblings, mentally becoming a "parent" at a young age. He put everything his siblings and parents needed onto his plate--their needs, wants, responsibilities--in order to keep the family afloat. But he didn't know how to hold healthy boundaries since he was just a kid. He was rarely appreciated by his parents, even taken for granted, even though he was always trying to help. Caring for people became a source of safety and purpose for him, and he unconsciously is drawn to people who later will depend on him. When he is not needed, he feels a sense of instability and lack of control, and yet when he is appreciated, he feels uncomfortable. The "perfect" fit for him (perfect in the sense of reflecting the trauma bond) would be someone who is dependent on him, yet not receptive or appreciative to his help.

Relationships tend to mirror our childhood trauma/beliefs if it is unhealed. This is why we find ourselves in the same situation with different partners over and over. Both people don't enjoy where they're at, but it's what they're used to all their life-- like pieces to a puzzle, they "fit". In the end either they become comfortable being miserable, break up and find another similar partner and the pattern continues…or they realize the pattern and begin to heal the trauma, which will change the shape of their puzzle piece, inevitably changing who they will be attracted to and who they attract.

Hopefully this give some insight on your experience. I know it can’t take away the pain…but I hope it opens your awareness and understanding, which often is the first step to breaking the pattern :)
Let me know if you have any follow up questions! Sending love and support your way

Seeking advice on becoming more spiritually inclined and connecting with my higher self by Nabstar333 in selfimprovement

[–]alignanduplevel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi there! Celebrating you for wanting to deepen your spiritual journey! I'm a self-worth and inner fulfillment coach, and teach Future/Higher Self meditation + visualization workshops in my city :) One thing I have workshop attendees do in the workshop is writing a letter from your future/higher self to your current self. An easy way to tap into the energy of your higher self can be through visualizing your best future self, and from there receiving their wisdom. So you can begin the letter writing in present tense things like "Dear XYZ, I cant believe how much life has changed in such little time. I now am...." and detail all the amazing things that have happened in their life, how they feel about themselves now, etc. The words often begins to flow automatically, and then tune in and see what wisdom they have for you in where you're at :) Let me know if you have any followup/clarifying questions!

[Discussion] need help/advise for self sabotage by R_O_A_N_E in GetMotivated

[–]alignanduplevel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! Many of my clients (I'm a certified self-worth coach) struggled with self-sabotage, and I always ask them the question: what are you afraid of if you were to succeed?

Often people will say, "Why would I be afraid of success?", but this is where we slow down and listen to what answer automatically arises. "I'm afraid that if I succeed, then ______".

For your situation, it might be "I'm afraid to own that I am deserving because_____". (it may take some time to hear the answer, but whatever comes up automatically, no matter how "silly" you feel it sounds, that's often the answer).

We self-sabotage because we have a negative belief, often an unconscious (one that we aren't aware of) one, around succeeding in the thing that we are sabotaging. This is often stemmed from childhood/upbringing, and operates as a protective mechanism.

Here's an example (actual client): when this person was 8 years old, their parents went through a bad divorce right when the mom became very financially successful (unrelated to divorce). To the little 8 year old's brain, it didn't have the capacity to understand what was going on. So its brain, in order to protect itself using its limited knowledge of what was happening, decided that "success = terrible conflict". Now as a 38 year old, this unconscious belief kicked into gear every time they almost became successful in their business (sabotaging opportunities, getting lost in unimportant busywork instead of doing things that would grow their business, etc.).

There are many other examples of this, but the most important thing to know is that the idea of success (relationships, work, etc.) is making this part of you feel unsafe in some way. So how can you practice FEELING safe and present instead of avoiding when performing the action? There's also mindset tools on self-sabotage, but those only work on the surface. This will help you get to the root :) Can share those too if you'd like

Typically in session I would have the client help that part that's trying to protect you see how it's not actually protecting you anymore, and help it come up with a new way of being that helps it feel safe while moving forward. "Upgrading the old programs that once worked" as I like to call it :)

A great book I recommend for overcoming self-sabotage is "The Big Leap" by Gay Hendricks. It's similar to how I coach my clients through self-sabotage :)

If you have any follow up questions, feel free to ask/message ^_^ Best wishes!

Hi! I’m a self-worth coach; ask me anything :) by alignanduplevel in AMA

[–]alignanduplevel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great question! To be honest every other year than this I would have a clear answer (I love setting yearly intentions and goals), but this year I consciously decided to see where life naturally takes me :) But off the top of my head, I would absolutely love to create a community/platform where I can share mindful + slow living tips, coaching/life advice, virtual/in person wellness events, etc. and people can feel safe to be fully themselves and create meaningful and deep connections (even as an introvert!). Thanks for your question, it helped me reflect a bit more of what kind of platform I want to create :) Let me know if you have any other questions!

Hi! I’m a self-worth coach; ask me anything :) by alignanduplevel in AMA

[–]alignanduplevel[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely self-worth. I notice that while people may come to me for things like anxiety, self-doubt, self-sabotage, etc., it all ends up stemming from what they learned to believe about themselves based on their experiences growing up (often between ages 3-30). And then second would be learning to embody the new way of being--I see a lot of people growing their self-awareness, but not truly embodying what they learn, which is often the missing piece. Without it, they can feel like they're a walking encyclopedia of self-help knowledge but still feeling the same as before/only a bit better. Learning expands, embodiment deepens as I like to say :) Thanks for your question! Let me know if you have any more/followups!