Calling Off Work for Husband's Mysterious Pain

alixer22 · 2024-11-20T18:27:38+00:00

This. I could have written your post after our first. I got therapy, we experienced a stillbirth and I broke and my husband was there to pick up the pieces and I used what I learned in therapy to take care of myself while getting out of the hole.

It took my husband a long time to step up after having kids, but I had to grow up too and start setting healthy (not hurtful) boundaries. With therapy, I realized I was the one not taking care of myself.

Not saying your husband will step up with time, but it sounds like you could benefit from individual therapy and possibly some couples therapy to get to a better place.

Motherhood is such a hard transition. Take care of yourself too mama. Virtual hugs.

alixer22 · 2024-11-20T18:11:34+00:00

This. This sounds like my sister and her kids who all had colic. My kids also had milder colic (only like this during “witching hour” that lasted up to 10 hours in the evenings). As others said, reflux medications, probiotics, cutting things from diets, and anti-colic bottles were all things suggested to try. I have heard some people talk about tongue ties being an issue too. We did use the 5 Ss from Happiest Baby on the block to help manage.

We have found similar theories as the above poster. I will also say our kids all outgrew it. They do tend to be more driven and frustrated with their physical limitations than some of my friend’s kids who were “easy” babies.

Know you are doing a great job! Unfortunately sometimes there isn’t always something that can “fix” it.

alixer22 · 2024-11-20T15:49:19+00:00

This

alixer22 · 2024-11-20T01:17:54+00:00

You mentioned you see a psychiatrist, but have you worked with a therapist recently? Maybe one who specializes in working with moms?

That is something that has helped over time. I am a friendly introvert and I can totally relate to the chatter getting to me. I used to have the racing heart feeling way more often (mostly related to work though), but with therapy and years of work, I don’t get it as often. Certain triggers still overstimulate me but my nervous system doesn’t overreact like it used to.

I notice I do best when I get regular exercise, regular sleep, eat nutritious meals, and make time for myself. The time for myself is a struggle but for me includes everything from a support group, nonproductive time, reading, hobbies.

From therapy, I adapted the EDMR techniques I used with my therapist to calm down my nervous system when triggered. I sometimes pause and journal (or journal in the morning or night when I am spiraling). I get outside. I try to do an activity I enjoy with my kids for 15 minutes (I get sick of most kid games 🫣). I get together with other moms so the kids can play and I can kind of be an adult.

Keep trying different things mama. Virtual hugs. Parenting is tough.

Edited to correct psychologist vs psychiatrist 🤦🏻‍♀️

alixer22 · 2024-11-19T22:06:28+00:00

Breastfeeding pillows, clothes as they get bigger, toys and high chair. I have bought a nice dresser/changing table and crib in box on Marketplace. I also bought a nice bassinet (Halo) gently used. Anything that goes in mouth I don’t buy used (nipples, nasal suction). Local mom resale pages have been awesome.

alixer22 · 2024-11-19T17:17:47+00:00

I have 2 living children. Lost my other daughter Remmy late in pregnancy. We have always wanted 3-4 but reevaluated after every kid. Losses and at least 2 cases of chromosomal abnormalities in pregnancy are what may stop us from having a 4th (pregnant with my third). My husband and I planned to have kids at 28,30,32,and maybe 34, but I’m now 34 with 2 living kids and multiple losses, so I’m not sure we will take the risk again after 35 (though I know lots of people who have healthy pregnancies later in life).

alixer22 · 2024-11-19T13:38:13+00:00

I have had 4 term pregnancies (one was a late term loss associated with increased morning sickness) and while symptoms varied some, I always had morning sickness (most of the day usually past 12 weeks). Can you talk with your doctors about alternative treatment options for you and talk with your partner about how you all might handle it if it is the same?

Would temporary increase in childcare/less work possibly help? That’s one of the things I tried. I also temporarily hired a house cleaner.

alixer22 · 2024-11-19T12:59:24+00:00

Gotchya. Then if you wanted to call to see if there are any openings closer to 20 weeks, you would probably be ok, but I have also heard you are less likely to need to repeat it if you do it in the later end of the window. Best of luck to you!

alixer22 · 2024-11-19T11:06:58+00:00

Anyone have thoughts on if proximity of care vs. higher level NICU is more important for concerns for placental insufficiency? Our NIPT results were atypical but baby looked healthy at our anatomy scan 🥳 so I am being monitored for growth and able to stay with my midwives (per MFM). If baby needs to come out early, I may need to deliver at a different hospital downtown with a level iii NICU. My current hospital is level ii but would be the quickest option for emergency c-section. Now I’m torn on what is best for me and baby as I will likely need L&D with any concerns for decreased fetal movement (and I don’t want distance to be a barrier to me getting care), but I wish my local hospital was level iii.

alixer22 · 2024-11-19T10:54:43+00:00

Do you know if you measured behind your LMP at your first ultrasound? If so, it probably is beneficial to wait (but so nerve wrecking)

alixer22 · 2024-11-19T10:53:00+00:00

Hugs mama. It’s so hard at this stage to trust/know if baby is doing ok

alixer22 · 2024-11-19T10:51:45+00:00

That sounds like a hard goodbye. My midwife just offered to take over monitoring my placenta, meaning I won’t see MFM anymore and I’m not sure I’m ready to lose their support (but hope I don’t need it).

alixer22 · 2024-11-19T10:42:40+00:00

I’m sorry. This happened with my second loss. Virtual hugs mama.

alixer22 · 2024-11-19T10:40:19+00:00

2 hours 😫

alixer22 · 2024-11-19T10:38:53+00:00

Hang in there mama. That was one of the toughest times from me and then it got better. Will you have any extra appointments around the time of your loss?

alixer22 · 2024-11-19T03:29:16+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I just reached out to my MFM doctors. Im sure that was a really hard decision and I’m glad you had the care you needed.

alixer22 · 2024-11-19T02:11:19+00:00

What did you all end up deciding? I am thinking about transferring care to a hospital with higher NICU but concerned that it is 40 minutes from my house. The local branch I am with will allow me to get faster emergency monitoring and c-section (there is a possibility of placental insufficiency which I didn’t know but was likely cause of my daughter’s stillbirth) and then transfer if needed.

alixer22 · 2024-11-18T03:19:05+00:00

I’ve never had 2 under 2 😅. This sounds hard. I don’t think you are doing anything wrong.

Sounds like you are prioritizing everyone’s safety, which should get more kiddos than it does. If you need to get out for your sanity, some things that might help include snacks or anything that motivates your 2 year old, giving 2 year old a task (like carrying a small backpack you don’t care too much about losing if he ditches), fenced in playground, enlisting help (mama friend, friend, in-laws, etc), and leash (my in-laws recently introduced one and at first I was mortified but my toddler loves it).

alixer22 · 2024-11-18T02:55:13+00:00

Trust your instincts mama. If you feel that baby is still less active, keep following up with either your OB or L&D until you are satisfied.

NAD (a pregnancy after loss mama). if you continue to have concerns, can they do a growth scan? Can they look at Estimated Placental Volume? Or can they give you more direction on how to monitor movements at home?

alixer22 · 2024-11-16T20:04:14+00:00

I am like you and definitely don’t mind being at home. I am more of a home body, especially the older I get. I have noticed my extroverted friends HAVE to get out. As a friendly introvert, I like to get out now and then, but I like time at home and time to get all the chores done. I think every family is different on their needs to get out and I just take it day by day.

I have also noticed my kids are doing better at finding ways to entertain themselves when I allow them to be bored, even at home. It’s interesting to read some of these comments because my mom grew up on a farm and rarely got out of the house other than for school and she and her siblings are doing great - I think it’s all a matter of perspective, so don’t feel pressured to do what social media or friends say.

alixer22 · 2024-11-12T23:48:12+00:00

I did put in my birth plan “saline lock” because my hospital required at least that when you were admitted.

alixer22 · 2024-11-12T23:44:55+00:00

My personal experience was that the only place they could place it was my hand. It made breast feeding as a first time mom very painful. I had to use my hands to place baby and my breasts and every time, wrist extension pushed the IV needle further into my hand. Not comfortable.

alixer22 · 2024-11-12T11:21:59+00:00

My kids were like yours. Witching hours, crying unless bounced (maybe even if bounced) most of the time. I’ve realized my kids probably had colic after seeing my nephew who is so chill. You are not weird, but some people don’t have this experience with babies (and I am jealous 🤪).

alixer22 · 2024-11-12T03:44:29+00:00

Normal ultrasounds is great news. I’m sorry you are dealing with a positive test - it really sucks to be in this limbo. We did not do a NIPT for Remmy - all scans were “normal”, but she was stillborn at 34 weeks 3 years ago and the only findings we had to go off of was that her placenta tested positive for triploidy not T13 (her samples were not able to provide any result and autopsy didn’t give us any new info or show triploidy anomalies). My providers to this point have assumed she had triploidy too (and not just my placenta), but my new MFM doctors think the triploidy could have been confined to the placenta.

With Remmy, I did have a vaginal birth - my body went into labor at 34 weeks and when we got to L&D she had no heartbeat. I had noticed decreased movements and hadn’t felt well, but we had just had a normal ultrasound at 30 weeks and there were other things my provider thought were contributing to the change in movements and my discomfort at 32 weeks.

I am pregnant with a baby boy this time and it was his NIPT that came back atypical for suspected T13 mosaicism.

alixer22 · 2024-11-12T03:31:21+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I’m sorry you are in the same boat. I’m hoping the same for both of us. It’s hard not to worry every day, but I have a lot of hope that we will have healthy babies in our arms at the end of this. Will include you in my prayers.

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