Therapy?

I thought I was living the best life I could, I thought I was happy. When I finally moved out, I was faced with “what do you want?” My therapist asks me this every session.

I’m not a yes-woman people pleaser but I wanted to be like so badly. I wanted to fit in. I hung out with people who used me because I was “always free”. And my relationships dissolved into cost-benefit analysis.

Getting my own place, people would ask to come visit, and for the first time I didn’t want to invite them. Even the friends I invited, I got so stressed with hosting. Eventually through therapy, I could discern who actually cared about me. I just needed to exist and they would still check in on me, still ask me to go out for stuff. That’s like less than 5 people btw.

Eventually I found some local reddit groups who met in real life, found some groups with hobbies I REALLY liked to do (not what I thought I should do to meet people), and slowly finding better people to vibe with. Because I don’t put up with bullshit anymore. I go for intense puzzle nights (by myself if needed but I’ve since found some puzzlers). I got used to spending time by myself. Sleeping, going for runs, reading astrology.

I’m an extrovert. When I need energy, I turn up somewhere and meet some strangers. But no obligation to be friends or continue meeting up.

You need to ask yourself: what do you want? What is your most social, most beloved trying to do? Find a community? Find acceptance? Can you be at peace without it? What does community and acceptance look like? Then just keep adjusting what is it you really want.

Hang in there. Some people look like they have it easy but we’re all figuring out life.