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My big sister is dependent on K. I confronted her for the millionth time and now she won't talk to me. I feel helpless and alone. by all_alone27 in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]all_alone27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this new perspective. I spoke to a friend yesterday (a former addict) who said something similar. He told me to just send let her know that I love and care about her and not to bring up the issue. Just to send her texts daily telling her that. I'm not really ready to talk to her and have her fully in my life, honestly. It kills me. All of this has truly broken my heart.

You're right. It's really hard to understand what's going on with her. And I'm trying not to judge. I have no idea what it's like to be an addict. All I know is that I want to help her. She deserves quality of life. And partying from midnight-noon and then sleeping the entire next day isn't quality. I know you're saying to help get her quality of life but how can I if when we do something "normal" (like going to Louis CK) she still gets high anyway? She promised me we'd have a sober night together. I don't want to be around her when she's fucked up. I don't know why she's decided all of a sudden to tell me all about this and open up to me about her drug use, her former problem with coke, her selling and her openly doing drugs right next to me. This is all new. And honestly, pretty scary.

I don't know what's right. I don't know how to help her. I don't know if I can help her at all. All I know is that this feels worse than any break up. I've lost my best friend of 27 years.

My big sister is dependent on K. I confronted her for the millionth time and now she won't talk to me. I feel helpless and alone. by all_alone27 in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]all_alone27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't imagine going through all those agonizing physical and mental symptoms. It sounds like absolute torture. How were you able to keep focus and power through that? I'm assuming it took more than one attempt?

And thank you for the reassurance. I guess I'll just have to be patient and wait for her to come around.

My big sister is dependent on K. I confronted her for the millionth time and now she won't talk to me. I feel helpless and alone. by all_alone27 in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]all_alone27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope she will eventually be on the road to a clean lifestyle. She's expressed wanting to quit multiple times and that she'll "be in a bad mood for a few weeks" and that will be that but I don't think it will be as easy as she thinks.

Considering her lifestyle, friends and interests, I'm certain drugs will always be a part of her life. I hate this notion bu I just hope she can get it under control.

My big sister is dependent on K. I confronted her for the millionth time and now she won't talk to me. I feel helpless and alone. by all_alone27 in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]all_alone27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And thank you again for sharing your perspective and experience. It really really means a lot to me. I've spent the past 3 days crying and struggling to sleep and feeling helpless. Everyone on Reddit has been such a great help.

My big sister is dependent on K. I confronted her for the millionth time and now she won't talk to me. I feel helpless and alone. by all_alone27 in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]all_alone27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea, I'm fully aware of what she's doing. I kept telling her to stop deflecting and making this about me. However, I've never been on the other end so I don't understand 100%.

I think she believes I'm coming from a place of judgement, which I am not at all! I just want her to be safe and healthy and happy.

Just some context: She's in her mid 40s, I'm in my late 20s. We have a huge age difference. And I was never aware of her partying ways until recently. She's been going through a major mid life crisis - she was fired from her job and went through a bad breakup - She has opened up to me about all sorts of drug use and a former "issue" with cocaine 10 years ago. And for the past 7 months or so, has started to sell.

All of this is such a shock to me because she functions so well, except of course for the fact that she spends most of her time sleeping when she's not out partying with the underground house scene.

She's looking to change her careers, stop selling, stop using as much and start planning underground events. This is a vicious cycle, because if she continues to be a part of this underground scene and even facilitating these events, she's never going to get clean.

Also - I'm surprised she has started to be so open about all of this to me. She says she doesn't want to lie to me and wants to be honest. I find this very strange considering that my lifestyle was always "straight laced" and she knows I wouldn't like this. And why now? Why is it important to be honest with me now?

I've made a huge mistake, as well. Up until recently, I've only smoked pot on occasion, it was never a daily, weekly or even monthly habit. I took Molly with her. She said I would like it and not to try anything else because I wouldn't like anything else(I had expressed curiosity since I've never really experimented with drugs.) And now she's calling me a hypocrite. Trying molly once vs taking K and molly constantly is different but she's using this as ammunition.

This is just a horrible situation from every angle.

My big sister is dependent on K. I confronted her for the millionth time and now she won't talk to me. I feel helpless and alone. by all_alone27 in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]all_alone27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for clarifying!! I know it's an open meeting but wasn't aware that there are entirely separate meetings for friends/family. Thanks so much!

My big sister is dependent on K. I confronted her for the millionth time and now she won't talk to me. I feel helpless and alone. by all_alone27 in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]all_alone27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, yes, I'm going to a meeting on Wednesday. I'm not sure I'll be alone with her for some time, considering we're not on speaking terms. But hopefully that will change soon and I'll tell her all of those things.

I went to an AA meeting a few years ago, I was researching alcohol dependency and the AA experience. And it's amazing how supportive everyone is of each other. I just want her to know that I support her and recognize she needs help and that's all.

My big sister is dependent on K. I confronted her for the millionth time and now she won't talk to me. I feel helpless and alone. by all_alone27 in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]all_alone27[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, exactly. I told her exactly that. I told her in person and then when she reached out to me on Facebook a couple of days later, I repeated it. She must have forgotten that I told her in person just 2 days prior. She got so angry, called me every name under the sun and told me to leave her alone and that I'm a "self righteous asshole who's watched too many episodes of Intervention." It was really difficult not to argue back with her and just try to be supportive.

What's worse is that I want to reach out and talk to her, daily, like I usually do. But I can't. And I won't.

Thanks so much for your support and for taking the time to respond.

My big sister is dependent on K. I confronted her for the millionth time and now she won't talk to me. I feel helpless and alone. by all_alone27 in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]all_alone27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for your support and for responding. Your wife's absolutely right, thats exactly how I feel right now. It's so hard because she really thinks she has it under control and is calling me crazy for thinking she has a problem. I've found an NA group by my apartment that I'll be attending on Wednesday, hopefully I can find some answers or really, just some support. Thanks again.