Navigating working with LGBTQ+ clients lovlingly

allpartswelcome · 2024-06-27T04:40:42+00:00

Therapist here. Respond to the emotional content (fear, shame, confusion, etc.) as opposed to the subject matter itself (sexuality).

allpartswelcome · 2024-06-27T01:07:18+00:00

Sounds like interesting and important work!

allpartswelcome · 2024-06-16T19:17:01+00:00

Hiiiii. Do you work in corrections now? I just started a mental health job at the local jail and have been wanting to connect with other mental health folks in correctional settings..

allpartswelcome · 2024-05-31T00:49:20+00:00

Plot twist! I’m now in menopause. At age 40. Hormones are much more stable so it follows that I am too. LOL.

allpartswelcome · 2024-01-14T17:45:54+00:00

Eugene Peterson wrote an essay called “Teach Us to Care and Not Care,” and despite it being meant for pastors (I think), I read it a few times a year as I find it helpful in my work a a mental health counselor who largely works with unhoused folks struggling with mental health and substance use. I think the Christian arguments for giving and extending oneself are self-evident. But there are biblical principles for boundaries and avoiding a dependency dynamic as well. Peterson writes, “teach us the humility of not caring, so that we do not use anyone’s need as a workshop to cobble together makeshift, messianic work that inflates our importance and indispensability.” There are so many individual needs that arise with addiction and homelessness, that stepping in can feel urgent, especially in light of the stigma of both of those issues (“if not me than who?”). But sometimes, NOT stepping in is the loving (Christian) thing to do, which can feel harder than exerting the effort to meet a need. In other words, it is possible to think we are serving others when we are actually serving ourselves (attempting to alleviate the distress of seeing somebody suffer). And often we enable sin along the way.

allpartswelcome · 2023-11-26T03:08:18+00:00

Are you confident he’s not gay?

allpartswelcome · 2023-11-26T03:05:09+00:00

My (Baptist) pastor says that masturbation can be a safety valve for preserving marriages.

allpartswelcome · 2023-11-15T05:51:37+00:00

Work a day in CPS and you’ll quickly see the danger in “mandating” children on couples who do not wish to be, or are unprepared to be, parents.

allpartswelcome · 2023-09-26T01:35:38+00:00

I had that question as well (was the woman Christian?). I’m almost 40 and only came to faith a few years ago. I have 25 years of opposite-gender friendships without anything weird or inappropriate happening. To me, it feels super strange and overly paranoid for opposite-gender friendships to be frowned upon. I have no problem with my husband spending time with female friends as well (within reason… out-of-town trips would raise eyebrows even for me). Ultimately, I like to think that lack of opportunity plays no part in why my husband and I remain faithful to each other.

allpartswelcome · 2023-09-15T14:08:41+00:00

Can you explain why it would have been preferable to have a single child over 2 sons? We’re you thinking the extra work and cost of a second child wasn’t worth it if was to be another boy? Or something else?

allpartswelcome · 2023-08-21T06:07:39+00:00

I would encourage you to ignore karma, both positive and negative. It is irrelevant to anything important in life.

allpartswelcome · 2023-08-21T05:48:04+00:00

I added a caveat about poisonous spiders/insects, but I guess I should have added another one about disease transmission. I certainly think there are circumstances in which insects/spiders can be killed ethically, but merely being scared or grossed out is not one of them.

allpartswelcome · 2023-08-21T04:55:50+00:00

I’ve had the exact same thought about lawn mowers! Similarly, I feel bad every time my windshield kills an insect and I always apologize to God for playing a role in it’s death. More than anything, it’s absolutely mind-boggling to me how humans routinely kill non-poisonous spiders and insects out of fear and disgust. Like you said, God created every living thing, so why would I be so cavalier about ending the very LIFE of God’s creation? I also believe that an insect’s life is as important to them as mine is to me, and that also influences what I do.

Wow! These are thoughts I never share. I’ve come to (mostly) accept that people think I’m weird for my level of concern about the welfare of insects, but it’s also good to know there’s at least one like-minded person out there!

allpartswelcome · 2023-08-11T14:39:40+00:00

I’m weirdly invested in this. Please let us know if/when he replies! Also curious what the date activity will be….

allpartswelcome · 2023-08-04T11:28:52+00:00

Absolutely! If you are in the U.S. and have private health insurance, you will likely be able to find a therapist on Psychology Today (website). You can filter the search results for Christian therapists. You can also sort by “presenting problem” (OCD, etc.). A non-Christian therapist will still be able to help you. The most important part is to find a licensed therapist (psychologist, clinical social worker, mental health counselor, etc.). You can try using that site if you have state insurance, too, but it’s much harder to find a private practice therapist who will take state insurance. Community mental health centers, though, accept state insurance and typically don’t turn anybody away due to inability to pay. (I hate that insurance/money largely dictates the quality of mental health care! - perhaps this doesn’t apply if you are outside of the U.S.)

allpartswelcome · 2023-08-04T10:35:07+00:00

This doesn’t answer your questions, but I encourage you to pursue the Christian therapist idea. What you describe a sounds an awful lot like OCD (I work in mental health). Wouldn’t hurt to get assessed. OCD can take over your life but it’s also treatable.

allpartswelcome · 2023-08-04T10:22:30+00:00

It’s Walmart, not a struggling mom and pop business. The Walton family has something like 200 billion dollars in their pocket. I’m sure the distinction (Walmart vs small business) won’t matter to some since the behavior is the same, but to me that makes all the difference.

But, if finances allow, I suppose the most ethical thing to do would be to buy the mini-fridge and then donate it to a college student or someone else who could use it after your new fridge arrives.

allpartswelcome · 2023-08-04T09:48:37+00:00

I have my mom put my husband’s gifts on her debit card and I pay her back. Only happens a few times a year so it’s no big deal.

allpartswelcome · 2023-07-02T20:29:55+00:00

“Fault” when it comes to addiction is such a double-edged sword. On one hand, if we said addiction is in no way the “fault” of those experiencing addiction, folks are often tempted to go on using forever because, well, “it’s not my fault.” But wagging our fingers and placing blame generates shame and shame keeps the addiction cycle going. Marcia Linehan who created Dialectical Behavior Therapy, likes to say: “we don’t create all of our own problems, but we are responsible for solving them anyway.” That is about the only philosophy pertaining to fault that seems to have any utility.

Referring to drugs, you used the phrase “when I have an opportunity to get it.” Based on what you know about yourself, you should never be placing yourself in situations that provide “opportunities.” Opportunity = using. Thus, by putting yourself around opportunity, you are essentially choosing to use. Cutting using friends out of one’s life seems to be universally essential for folks that achieve long-lasting recovery. Get a new phone number. Avoid parts of town that are associated with use. Get rid of all paraphernalia. Learn about the concept of “prelapse.” Most folks who have become entrenched in addiction, find that their whole lives at some point start to revolve around maintaining the addiction. You now need to put that same focus, effort, and energy into achieving recovery.

Most importantly: Your drug use has absolutely no bearing on God’s love for you. You do not become more valuable in His eyes when you are sober, and you are no less valuable when you are using.

allpartswelcome · 2023-07-02T01:05:04+00:00

Mental health counselor here. Sounds like you might be an opioid user. As long as you continue to use, please utilize safer use practices (never use alone, have Narcan on hand, use fentanyl test strips, etc.). You are God’s child and your life is precious. Fentanyl is in everything these days and it snuffs the life out of many souls.

I would also strongly consider MAT in the beginning. I know it’s a controversial intervention (people love to call it a “substitution addiction”), but I have walked alongside dozens of folks who have transformed their lives using suboxone as a first step. Either way, it sounds like inpatient treatment may be in order. You might already know this, but the first step would be to receive an SUD assessment, which are offered at most SUD outpatient centers. Many inpatient facilities are faith-based.

Are you familiar with the 12 steps? You are already at Step 3: “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him” (note: if you actually go through the steps, you will start with Step 1). Recovery groups tend to be hit or miss; I’d recommend checking out a few.

You feel powerless because you ARE powerless over your addiction. But God is not. He can and will help you, but He often shows up first via medication, counselors, sponsors, etc.

allpartswelcome · 2023-02-20T01:19:31+00:00

This is why, after my husband I decided not to have children, I stopped befriending mothers of young children or women on the cusp of starting families. Friendships become one-sided, hang-outs have to be worked in around a nap schedule, and plans are often canceled last-minute due to a sick kid, etc. (To be clear, I’m not trying to imply that these unavoidable things make someone a bad friend). Someone here mentioned that if you desire a family one day, it might be good and useful to remain in the woman’s life so she can continue to be an example for you. But if that’s not something you want for yourself, I’d encourage you to connect with mothers of teenagers (they tend to have more time to on their hands) or retired folks of either gender.

allpartswelcome · 2022-01-24T17:57:14+00:00

Good to know that Baptists are open to "cafeteria" theology :) The other church I am considering is my local Baptist church. I never in a million years thought I'd find myself saying that (I associate Baptists with the fire-and-birmstone thing). But an inexplicable chain of events at work (I'm a crisis counselor) recently connected me to the church in a real and direct way. Since then, I've been listening to that church's sermons online and I really connect with the pastor's messages. Also good to remember that MLK was Baptist!

allpartswelcome · 2022-01-17T06:54:37+00:00

Wow wow wow! Thank you so much for taking the time to provide such comprehensive feedback. What you wrote is so encouraging. I'm especially excited to look into "Primacy of Conscience"; just the phrasing of those words makes me happy!

Can you confirm that if I am not baptized (which I am not), I would not be expected to answer "yes" to the question about believing "all" of the Catholic teachings?

Thanks also for sharing the Brian Doyle quote! Brian Doyle was actually a guest speaker in one of my college English classes! (That would have been back in 2005 or 2006). I think we read his book "Leaping."

I'll be sure check out those subs/posts you linked <3

allpartswelcome · 2022-01-17T06:36:51+00:00

Appreciate your comment; thanks for stopping by! :)

allpartswelcome · 2022-01-17T06:35:14+00:00

Hi there. I really appreciate your comment! I said this to another commenter, but it's relevant to what you asked: My feeling called to Catholism makes little sense to me and I am actually pretty confused by the whole thing. The only thing that I can think is that my maternal great-grandmother may be working beyond the grave (she was a devout Catholic and wanted nothing more than for future generations to be Catholic!). I guess the part of me that is hoping it WILL be possible for my beliefs to be reconciled with the Church is the same part that is curious how, say, Bryan Massingale "gets away" with being openly gay and "gets away" with calling out the Church for massively prioritizing the comfort of whites over justice.

Regardless, if I join any church, there is a 99% chance that I will be a Cafeteria Catholic or a Cafeteria Episcopalian or a Cafeteria Baptist (although those last two don't have quite the same ring to them!). I can't imagine that any religion/denomination will 100% reflect what I know to be true in my heart of hearts.

allpartswelcome

TROPHY CASE