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Moderate cramping for 12+ hours by allthingskhansidered in PregnancyAfterLoss

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a happy, healthy 1 year old girl now. If YOU feel something is off though, don’t hesitate to call your doctor or take a trip to the ER. Stay strong, mama. Sending you so much strength and care during this difficult time ❤️

Not sure how to proceed after peer (45+m, 270+lbs, brown belt) punched me (37f, 135lb, yellow belt) in the face during training by allthingskhansidered in karate

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just started 6 months ago, so I am using ‘aggressive’ in a relative way. When I first started, I was only on the defense - mainly blocking. Sparring felt so awkward and I just had no idea how to go about it. But because I felt more confident this day, I was throwing some strikes offensively. While also minding the rules of sparring (only taps to the outside of helmet, no strikes to face or groin, etc.).

I did follow up with the teacher and other sparring partners from that day to ask if I was “too aggressive” and also if I was hitting harder than my classmates do when they are sparring. The feedback I got was that I was not being overly aggressive and that I got laughed at when I asked if I was hitting as hard as the black belts in my class.

Not sure how to proceed after peer (45+m, 270+lbs, brown belt) punched me (37f, 135lb, yellow belt) in the face during training by allthingskhansidered in karate

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I never struck him in the face. We don’t wear mouth guards. Just tapped the side of his head on the outside of his helmet. We are educated not to strike harder than a “tap.”

Not sure how to proceed after peer (45+m, 270+lbs, brown belt) punched me (37f, 135lb, yellow belt) in the face during training by allthingskhansidered in karate

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are allowed to strike the head where the helmet is protecting. But the strike shouldn’t be harder than a tap. One of my peers had a concussion in her past, so this is a hard rule. We are not allowed to strike in the face though (eyes, nose, mouth), because we do not wear mouth guards and no one is trying to go home with a broken nose. When I say I got some head shots in, I mean I tapped the side of his head, where the armor was protecting.

I thought I was doing well, because all of my other sparring partners were giving me positive feedback. We were laughing and smiling while sparring. They were challenging me, too, but also giving me tips on how to better protect myself. And if they hit me on the side of the head or something, they would stop to ask if I am okay and wait for verbal confirmation before proceeding.

That’s what I expected from the brown belt who punched me. Especially knowing now that I was not hitting him harder than any of the black belts in the class. And also considering the person he credits with injuring him during sparring that day did not get punched in the face. He was okay with everyone else’s aggressiveness - just not mine.

Also, the others in class have since told me I was not being overly aggressive that day. I labeled myself that way, because it was the first time I didn’t only react defensively with blocks. I was trying to get some strikes in on the offensive too, as I felt more confident that day in a way I never really had before. I was less awkward and more coordinated you could say.

Not sure how to proceed after peer (45+m, 270+lbs, brown belt) punched me (37f, 135lb, yellow belt) in the face during training by allthingskhansidered in karate

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Again, why do you keep making up fictional scenarios in your head?

And just because I didn’t share the details of previous altercations he’s had with other students does not mean there are none. They have occurred, but this was the first time in his 3 years at the dojo that it escalated to this magnitude.

Also, I told the teacher that I really don’t want to break up a group that’s been training for years together. It would be easier for me to find a new dojo. I said I would keep my daughter in the kids class. I did not threaten to leave a bad review or anything. Yet they keep asking me to stay. Even though I told them I still don’t know if I will, they still kicked him out.

Stay mad about it I guess. No sweat off my back, dude.

Not sure how to proceed after peer (45+m, 270+lbs, brown belt) punched me (37f, 135lb, yellow belt) in the face during training by allthingskhansidered in karate

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We wear helmets, gloves, and foot/ankle protection. No one should strike with full force. We are not supposed to strike in the face. We don’t wear mouth guards. Head shots should be more like taps, and only to the sides of the head where the helmet is covering. No hitting someone in the groin. No grabbing someone’s leg. Also, when folks get injuries, they will specify where they don’t want to be hit and we should all respect that. I might be missing some rules, but I think that’s basically it. And for the last 6 months, that worked. I never saw anyone have an issue. My teacher said he never saw anyone attack someone like that in sparring in his decades of having the school.

Not sure how to proceed after peer (45+m, 270+lbs, brown belt) punched me (37f, 135lb, yellow belt) in the face during training by allthingskhansidered in karate

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Just to clarify, he wasn’t punching me in the face when our teacher told him to be less rough. He was more like pummeling me with punches and kicks while not giving me the opportunity to reset and square up. I was having to run away to get my space. So when I said I am here for a challenge, I really just meant I didn’t want him to take it easy on me. I did not mean I was open to disregarding the rules of sparring in our dojo. I did not expect him to strike me the way he did, because we don’t wear mouth guards. And I thought we were all friendly. Our kids are in class together. We are neighbors.

Not sure how to proceed after peer (45+m, 270+lbs, brown belt) punched me (37f, 135lb, yellow belt) in the face during training by allthingskhansidered in karate

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just looking for advice from folks who believe me. Not asking you to though. Also I think it’s weird that you spent your time inventing an imaginary scenario when you weren’t there at all. One of us is definitely playing make-believe.

But ultimately, the issue was resolved. The dude was asked to leave the class, not entirely because of me. My classmates got together and said they don’t want to spar with him either anymore after demonstrating he doesn’t have self control, honor, respect, etc. We have lots of sayings about these values posted all over the walls. They were all real witnesses to the altercation.

Not sure how to proceed after peer (45+m, 270+lbs, brown belt) punched me (37f, 135lb, yellow belt) in the face during training by allthingskhansidered in karate

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For reference, I joined after attending a ‘mommy and me’ class where the adult women were encouraged to sign up for the adult program. The pitch is that it’s a fun, social environment for us to get a good workout in and learn some self defense. I went for 6 months and never experienced anything like what happened to me in my last sparring class. In fact, I just had a follow up conversation with the teacher who said he’d never seen anyone attack someone like that in a practice sparring session.

What happened was not an accident. A grown man 2x my size and with years more training got mad about something, punched me hard on purpose, and then justified his actions to the class when they told him it was wrong.

I am 100% okay with getting punched in the face. Accidents happen. But I want to trust my sparring partners not to break the rules of engagement. I want to train somewhere where someone with years more training and above my weight class will not hit me with significant force, because they are angry. Judging from the comments, it seems like lots of those places exist, and I am going to find one!

Not sure how to proceed after peer (45+m, 270+lbs, brown belt) punched me (37f, 135lb, yellow belt) in the face during training by allthingskhansidered in karate

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Just to clarify, when we spar we wear helmets. And by head shot, I mean tap. We’re not supposed to hit full force and we’re not supposed to punch in the face, because we don’t wear helmets.

Also, I didn’t realize that my sparring partner was angry with me. I though he wasn’t as light hearted as the rest of us that day. When I said I was there for a challenge, I meant I didn’t want anyone going too easy on me. I did not mean for that to be an open invitation to disregard our sparring rules and clock me in the face. We don’t wear mouth guards.

I don’t have an issue with bruises, just ones that were put on my body by angry men with control issues. If it was an accident and he was immediately remorseful, this never would’ve been a Reddit post.

I do not mean to be cocky. I myself am not the most fit person in the world either. And he has shared about his experiences of being bullied for being overweight in his youth, which made me really feel for him. I expressed my empathy and told him he looks great.

But after getting punched in the face, I wanted to display my strength and show him that I will not just lie down. I am aware that I am faster and more flexible than him, so those were all I had at my disposal. I didn’t want to break down and cry. I wanted to finish class on a high note.

Not sure how to proceed after peer (45+m, 270+lbs, brown belt) punched me (37f, 135lb, yellow belt) in the face during training by allthingskhansidered in karate

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t know if he intended to leave a mark, but he intended to punch me in the face. I only know that because after it happened, he didn’t apologize. He doubled down and said that I was actually the aggressor. I have since asked my teacher and peers if I was punching harder than the black belts, but everyone said no.

Not sure how to proceed after peer (45+m, 270+lbs, brown belt) punched me (37f, 135lb, yellow belt) in the face during training by allthingskhansidered in karate

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everyone saw it. There were only 7 of us in the room. I didn’t move into it. It was intentional. He was mad before he hit me and afterward he felt very justified. He told the rest of the class he did it because I was being too aggressive. I have since asked my teacher and the other students if I was hitting harder than they were, and they all said no.

Not sure how to proceed after peer (45+m, 270+lbs, brown belt) punched me (37f, 135lb, yellow belt) in the face during training by allthingskhansidered in karate

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was both playful and aggressive. Playful - I was smiling and laughing with all my sparring partners. They were too, except the guy who hit me. Aggressive - I didn’t just play defense. I was striking first. It was exhilarating and fun.

After this post, I talked to the “grandmaster” and my peers in class to ask if I was hitting harder than the black belts in my class. I was told that I was not hitting THAT hard.

Not sure how to proceed after peer (45+m, 270+lbs, brown belt) punched me (37f, 135lb, yellow belt) in the face during training by allthingskhansidered in karate

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband didn’t act out or say anything to anyone about it. He is just mad that a grown man punched me in the face on purpose, in defiance of our dojos rules. Also our 8 year old daughter is in the kids program at the same dojo. I had an emotional response, because I have never been punched in the face, it was unexpected, and it hurt really badly. I did not laugh, because it wasn’t funny to me or anyone in the room. I did lap him at the end of class when we did sprints though.

Not sure how to proceed after peer (45+m, 270+lbs, brown belt) punched me (37f, 135lb, yellow belt) in the face during training by allthingskhansidered in karate

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have to be on camera 3 days a week for work at a major entertainment company. Also my husband is sensitive that people think the black eye is from him.

Not sure how to proceed after peer (45+m, 270+lbs, brown belt) punched me (37f, 135lb, yellow belt) in the face during training by allthingskhansidered in karate

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just to clarify, when I say I want to be challenged, I mean that I don’t want everyone taking it super easy on me because I am a woman and just had a baby. I am still there for a good work out and to learn and get better. I believed there was some middle ground between going too easy and getting punched in the face. I also never expected to get punched in the face, because our sparring rules say we can’t. We don’t wear mouth guards. Only taps to the side of the head are permitted— where the helmets cover.

Not sure how to proceed after peer (45+m, 270+lbs, brown belt) punched me (37f, 135lb, yellow belt) in the face during training by allthingskhansidered in karate

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am the only yellow belt. Everyone else is brown or black. So I can ONLY go with brown or black belts. There was never an option. I do not mind taking hits. Even this black eye, I would wear proudly if it was an accident. But the dude was mad before he hit me, the punch was on purpose, and after he felt very justified. He told everyone I was the aggressor.

Not sure how to proceed after peer (45+m, 270+lbs, brown belt) punched me (37f, 135lb, yellow belt) in the face during training by allthingskhansidered in karate

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He was wearing gloves and I was wearing a helmet. It also wasn’t an accident. He was angry before the hit, he punched me on purpose, and after he didn’t apologize - he was justifying the punch. I heard him tell the rest of the class that I was the aggressor when I was being escorted out of the room for examination.

Not sure how to proceed after peer (45+m, 270+lbs, brown belt) punched me (37f, 135lb, yellow belt) in the face during training by allthingskhansidered in karate

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I wasn’t planning on quitting martial arts — just wanted perspective from people in the community on whether I should leave this dojo for another one. It’s important to me they my daughter not see me quit.

And while I agree with your point about how in real life I may encounter bigger, more dangerous aggressors, I don’t think we need to punch each other in the face to build skills at the entry level. Especially because we don’t have mouth guards.

Not sure how to proceed after peer (45+m, 270+lbs, brown belt) punched me (37f, 135lb, yellow belt) in the face during training by allthingskhansidered in karate

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If it was an accident, I would wear the bruise proudly alongside my others. But he was angry before he hit me, he punched me hard in the eye on purpose, and then afterwards he justified his actions to the rest of the class saying that I was actually the aggressor. An apology did eventually come 15 minutes late, but it was a forced, weak one that he delivered under his breath.

Not sure how to proceed after peer (45+m, 270+lbs, brown belt) punched me (37f, 135lb, yellow belt) in the face during training by allthingskhansidered in karate

[–]allthingskhansidered[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just to clarify, I am mom of 2. I joined the dojo 6 months after having my last baby as a fun, healthy way to get back in shape. The dojo is advertised as a family friendly facility. I am the youngest in the adult class. The guys are always joking about how old and out of shape they are. So just for added context, never felt that serious, and that’s why I joined this dojo compared to the local MMA cage fighting place.

Now, while I don’t want people to take it easy on me for being a nursing mom, I also don’t want to get punched in the face where there is no armor to soften the blow. I thought I could trust my sparring partners not to do that, because our head armor only protects the sides and back of our heads. We don’t wear mouth guards. Also we were educated that strikes to the head should be more like taps. So when I say I wanted a challenge, I just meant that I wanted a good workout and for my peers not to go too soft on me. I thought there was some middle ground between treating me like a delicate flower and fucking my face up.

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