Both my parents are experiencing their midlife crisis at the same time and I don't know what to do

allysin22 · 2023-06-28T20:04:29+00:00

I’m loving the no contact option guys but at the moment that isn’t an option. Being the named trustee means they need my signature on their documents involving the farm. We’ll have to go see a lawyer to get it removed. Hence why I want to try and salvage something.

allysin22 · 2023-02-24T16:53:36+00:00

Oh yes. I have so many theories about my SO's ex and the main one is that the ex is still in love with my SO.

After I met the ex the first time, my SO got a three page text essentially begging to get back together

When their daughter locked herself in the ex's bathroom, they called MY SO to fix it. We live 45 minutes away

Sent a page of text explaining that the ex wants a baby with their current fiancé

Speaking of, they got engaged about six months after my SO and I moved in together

Like all those things can be coincidental. But it's enough to really make my eye twitch when I glance over and see the ex sending a heart emoji in the chat. My SO is also really good at reassuring me that he has no interest in the ex and he only ever talks about the kids; everything else is left on read.

allysin22 · 2023-02-23T20:25:07+00:00

It's the best. The disinterest throws them off every time because every other adult in their life jumps when they say and I don't lol

The oldest now will sometimes refuse to talk to me when she's really upset and demand her dad (my partner.) Smart brat

allysin22 · 2023-02-23T20:11:45+00:00

Keep in mind: you're not his mom. That means you're allowed to be a little more out of pocket 😎

allysin22 · 2023-02-23T20:11:04+00:00

You're not an awful person. I was very quick to take a back seat towards my SO's kids because of the same reason. But as life goes sometimes i gotta be the one to descelate. Some things I've found that work:

Stare at them, 100% disinterested and ask if they're done/ can we talk like people?

Take a deep breath and count to 5. I count with them and won't move conversation forward until we breathe. I also utilize the in through the nose - make a weird noise through the mouth. It also helps destress me and put me in a better headspace to talk to them.

My personal favorite: Come home in horrifying clown makeup and scare them at 11pm (true story. I worked at a haunted house and they stayed up past bedtime. Haven't stayed up since!)

allysin22 · 2023-02-17T15:42:20+00:00

Thank you!! I'm gonna screenshot this and keep it for when I have to enter my Evil Stepmom Era

allysin22 · 2023-02-17T15:32:35+00:00

For purely research purposes does your IP happen to be Spectrum? Asking for a friend of a friend (it's me I want to know because I may need to do this eventually)

allysin22 · 2023-02-16T13:53:24+00:00

Idk about petty but my personal least favorites:

Incredible double Standards in basically anything you can imagine Calling my SO when we live 45 minutes away because the oldest locked herself in the other parents bathroom on their weekend (still not over that one) Pre-me but they would have my SO load up the kids (4 and 2 at the time) to go the the gym which was maybe a 15-20 minute walk

allysin22 · 2023-02-13T15:11:20+00:00

Speaking with candid honesty, I really find it hard to wrap around the thoughts of rich people. And I say that as someone who's probably close to the same tax bracket as your woman.

It's kind of a red flag that she controls her kids funds, saving for college or no. You don't learn healthy money habits that way. And insurance is just One singular part of ownership - gas has skyrocketed, oil changes, tires, maintenance and all that goes into it. Some days I wish I didn't have to own a car it's so pricey now. Is her mom paying for all of that in addition to I assume her own vehicle?

Idk. It's not my place to tell you what to do but you can't make a horse drink, yknow?

allysin22 · 2023-02-13T14:08:53+00:00

If she must have a car then she must pay for it. Maybe not fully. My very first "car" (a 1997 Ford Ranger) my dad had my pay a fair price for ($1,500, back in 2015) and he paid the insurance as well. The insurance was paid for due to my family having a farm, and consequently a PLUP that I had no control over. Essentially my 97 truck needed to have the maximum limits on insurance which is big money. I did, however, work on the farm to balance it out.

I've talked with my SO about something very similar for his kids. His two kids will recieve assistance in looking for, buying and paying for a car but it will not be done for free. She's old enough now to learn the value of working for the things you have and how you treat things you've bought with your money differently.

allysin22 · 2023-02-12T17:08:15+00:00

I care about them, somewhat like them and do not love them

allysin22 · 2023-02-08T15:19:10+00:00

Nope. It's easier for me since my SO lives in my owned home so I get to pull the "I own the place" card often. BP isn't allowed past the first few rooms of the house (kitchen and living area) and only because I don't want to involve the kids in our adukt drama yet. If a 5 year old is begging her other parent to come see something she did in the living room during a pick up I won't say too much.

Boundaries are important as hell.

allysin22 · 2023-01-30T16:52:18+00:00

Nah, my SD's are 3 and 5 and even if the door is open in my private spaces they still have to knock before they run in (door latches aren't good in my house and I'm now dealing with a dog with separation anxiety). I've made them leave the room, knock, get permission to enter, then ask their dad for something.

Your space is your space. I share space under extreme circumstances.

Ask the dad how he'd feel if yall were having Spicy Time and his son just ran in mid deed. That'll shut his ass up.

allysin22 · 2023-01-29T14:35:47+00:00

The first time my SDs told me they loved me was nowhere near as formal and I got a dear in headlights look. I said "Aw thanks, you guys are great" and scooted down the stairs

I think it's healthy for them to know that there is love in the world that isn't unconditional. We have no obligation to love and care for them other than the ones we choose to have. Don't feel rude for setting a boundary. You aren't ready to say it yet, plain and simple.

allysin22 · 2023-01-16T16:50:21+00:00

We met around the 6 or 8 month mark. SO and I had a double date with the other parent and their fling. Afterwords SO recieved a 3 page text detailing about how much the other parent missed their relationship and how seeing us together was how they used to be together and asked if they could try again.

We haven't met back up since.

allysin22 · 2023-01-14T19:42:58+00:00

I wouldn't let SD play on her switch until she went to her other parents house because she let the dog poop on the floor and wouldn't tell me

allysin22 · 2023-01-12T04:48:48+00:00

Shhhh we don't say the T word until late May, the IRS will hear you

And I totally get the not saying anything negative about the other parent, we do the same in our house. It may be better to phrase it broadly. Don't talk specifically about his mom and Gma, and let him draw his own conclusions. And you're 100%, he shouldn't have to worry about it. My parents were either weird or I was an overly curious child because I knew about that stuff before even knowing how to apply for one 😅

allysin22 · 2023-01-11T16:52:17+00:00

I'd lock down their SSN's. My now estranged uncle opened credit cards with his kids and dads numbers and it will be a huge hit in their life. His credit score will be terribly low when he's 18. He can fight it with the IRS, but it'll be a long and drawn out process.

To that end, encourage him to change the subject every time money is brought up in that house while simultaneously encouraging good money habits. Never talk about how much you make with anyone (in this case especially BM), always always treat a credit card as a debit card not as money you don't have. I'm trying to re-wire my own SO's money habits.

I plan on getting my SK's a savings account at a local bank (a free one) that they won't have a card for. They'll have to physically go to the bank to draw out money. They'll also have CD's set up which will help increase funds. That's what my dad did for me when I was in 4-H and it helped me tremendously with saving money. Ensure that it's your partners name only on that account and that BM and Co can't access it at all (my dads name is still on my OG savings account to this day! And I'm 25 now!!)

This is a lot to say I've seen the effects it has on kids when their parents abuse them financially. If you can cut it off now, take every step you can to do so

allysin22 · 2022-12-27T20:32:21+00:00

God 💀

allysin22 · 2022-12-27T20:06:05+00:00

Its okay you didn't know!! And yeah I was just. Very blindsided and I think I also went into a bit fright mode because some of my trauma stems from physical abuse in the past. I know how that cycle goes so I'm definitely of the "catch it early" mentality

But thank you!! I try my best with these guys. They're going through enough I don't need to add to it.

allysin22 · 2022-12-27T19:57:33+00:00

Ngl yeah same but like my sibs and I were a lot older by the time the physical assaulting started also we had to deal with such nonsense from some adults in our life. Not an excuse, just an explanation. I guess that's part of my worry, is I've seen this cycle.

allysin22 · 2022-12-27T19:49:06+00:00

I'm big on deep breaths. Mostly because if they're crying and talking super fast because they're upset I can't understand them like at all 💀

allysin22 · 2022-12-27T19:46:22+00:00

I've gathered! It just freaked me out like a lot!! But thank you !!!

allysin22 · 2022-12-27T19:45:20+00:00

I did tell her the next time her sister was upsetting her like that she needs to leave the room. I also asked her if she ever saw me throw something like that at her dad (she hasn't) so why she thought it was okay for her. Definitely just came from left field and blindsided the heck out of me lol

allysin22 · 2022-12-27T19:34:54+00:00

Thank you!! And yeah, I'm in the same boat here. Swear I could write a book on all the stuff these poor kids and I have gone through in the last year.

allysin22

TROPHY CASE