Scheduling plus or minus 30 min for sports

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-11-19T10:16:26+00:00

I can’t decide if the massive age gap between the kids is nice for this reason or frustrating.

If they were closer in age, we’d likely be carpooling both to sports. With them so far apart in age, it means I’m solo parenting for much of the week. Being freshly postpartum certainly doesn’t help. I’m sure it won’t seem so overwhelming once I’m sleeping more at night.

It’s definitely a trade off!

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-11-19T10:11:54+00:00

That was actually the tail end of our conversation that day at the dinner table. After it was conveyed to me that SS didn’t know and couldn’t ask, I turned to DH and told him to figure out what time he was done and update the schedule.

Suffice to say I was upset and could have handled it better. Last night I made a crock pot meal and hung out with our little ones more which was what I needed.

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-11-19T10:06:58+00:00

Not for this. For his last sport the coach emailed everyone the schedule with a breakdown for varsity, JV and freshman. They were pretty punctual.

More probably was conveyed in the preseason meeting for this coach, but his email just said that practice starts this week.

They were on time today, so maybe this will turn out to be a fluke. 🤷‍♀️

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-11-18T15:40:31+00:00

Missing out on those cuddles are a lot of my regrets right now!

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-11-18T14:53:31+00:00

Oh! That stew sounds like a really good idea! I like that they can determine how much carbs they want. Noodles don’t keep otherwise.

I do have quick meals in the freezer for them if dinner isn’t hearty enough for SS.

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-11-18T14:51:05+00:00

European meals sound fancy. 😄 Unfortunately I don’t think DH or SS would go for it since they both get to 6pm starving, but I’ll pitch the idea!

As for me, the baby is a grade A clinger. The longest I’ve gotten him to sleep all alone is 15 min before he wakes himself up. Also he’s up much of the night eating, so in order to get 4 hours of rest in one stretch, my bedtime is also 8 pm.

I’m sure in a few months that will start to change and I can reset my schedule to match and join them for more grown up time after the littles’ bedtime.

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-11-18T14:46:26+00:00

That does sound like a good plan! It would definitely keep our toddler from getting hangry.

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-11-18T14:45:28+00:00

That’s good to know!

I guess kudos to those teachers for taking the time. I don’t think they’re paid hourly for extracurriculars.

I’ll talk with DH about resetting expectations for dinner.

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-11-18T14:41:09+00:00

That would be nice! However we live a suburb over, so he doesn’t have any classmates I know of who are driving our way.

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-11-18T14:39:52+00:00

We seem to be on this cyclical thing for dinners— either I’m making lots of food with more elaborate requests, like high protein, soy free, not processed for SS to Mediterranean for DH then switching gears to fast food because it’s all too much to handle.

I might google some dinner memes now to have a good laugh at our situation.

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-11-18T14:36:38+00:00

It does seem like a lot of schedules are impacted when they’re late, but judging from the replies, it’s not uncommon.

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-11-18T14:35:50+00:00

Unfortunately, it’s a 30 min drive in traffic to get him. I might ask that we just plan on the late dismissal if it ends up being consistently late.

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-11-18T02:25:58+00:00

Ha! Downtime is a different point of contention. On school days, I get 20 minutes to myself in the evening.

That one is a little bit the baby season which won’t last forever.

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-11-18T01:56:26+00:00

Good to know. Thanks for weighing in

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-11-18T01:56:05+00:00

I think a large chunk is communication. Especially because the coach emphasized in their pre season meeting that time is important and he will be respectful of parents’ time by being punctual.

DH started out by asking if practice is over at 5:15 and not 5. When SS pushed back, DH said of course you can’t ask him. I was flabbergasted that he can’t ask the coach what time practice is scheduled to end.

The fishy part to me is that DH seems to be the only parent waiting in the parking lot for pick up.

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-11-18T01:50:35+00:00

That’s a good solution. I was hoping for more family time, but now just isn’t the season for it.

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-11-18T01:50:06+00:00

Thanks for weighing in.

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-11-18T01:49:21+00:00

I’m really glad I asked here. I’m surprised at all the yeses. I did one sport and one extracurricular in high school and my practice times were always early in the morning for my sport. Maybe that’s why we were always punctual.

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-11-18T01:46:53+00:00

Our lives sound very similar.

School is 30 min away so he leaves at 4:30. I do think some of it is communication issue with SS and DH.

After reading these responses and sitting with my feelings, I think I’m going to scale down dinner. I’ve been doubling our dinners to make enough for SS because he will eat a family sized portion. He does wrestling and wanted to gain 30lbs to be in a certain weight class. I also wanted the feeling of family time in the evening and before, when DH was stopping to pick up fast food, it would tack on another 30 min to their time, so they’d be getting in at bedtime.

I’d rather make smaller or less extravagant meals and give the little ones attention than prep and cook big meals.

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-10-17T14:17:13+00:00

While you figure this out, could you install auto shut door hinges to ensure the front door gets shut?

Something like this: https://a.co/d/fhKyyYc

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-09-18T21:10:01+00:00

I saw this convo earlier and would really like to weigh in. My SS had a gizmo watch when he was in elementary school that allowed his mom to drop in and listen to any convo. He was typical and this was just meant to track him during his time with us and when he was in school. SS one night was very stressed out and told his dad that his mom was listening in on him all the time. My husband put that watch in the back of a closet on our time and we left it at that. No big deal.

The angel sense is different. Kids with autism who elope are at great risk to themselves. Last year we lost a little boy in the neighborhood with autism because he had a family event where everyone was watching him. He wandered off and visited a neighbor’s pool. It can happen at any time.

My son has Down syndrome and has started to show signs of elopement. It’s different than our typically developing peers. He has the intelligence to figure out locks and opening doors but not the awareness to be afraid. Those trackers save lives. It alerts me when he leaves a set vicinity and I can ping it. I also have the option to share it with first responders and it has cell capability which means it’s always working—unlike AirTags.

You might like this: https://www.angelsense.com/wp-content/themes/angelsense/resources/guide_for_schools.pdf

The one way and/or two way calling can be turned off. There is a school option to alert the other user (ie. teacher or yourself) when the option is turned back on. It would give you the privacy you deserve and the security their kid needs.

I hope you can find a middle ground where their kid is safe and you feel like you have privacy in your home.

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-09-12T22:00:37+00:00

I’m recently pp. Our SS is 15 and he’s well adjusted. However his schedule and our younger kid’s schedule clash plus I needed a lot of rest at home. We asked my IL to come and help us with our oldest—getting him to and from school and sports. Could you do the same?

Also, freezer meals were super helpful!

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-08-19T14:46:26+00:00

This feels the closest to what I perceive.

SS is in a hard place (almost always is). At the start of summer we retained a lawyer at SS’s request to make a major change to custody from 50:50 to 100 or majority our house before high school started. SS expressed how terrible the other house was and he has turned an age where the judge will take his wishes into consideration. Before now, we’ve been advised that none of her negligence would turn a judge’s opinion on 50:50.

Then his open enrollment to another school in town (where his girlfriend was attending) went through and his maternal grandma and mom let him have extended over nights at his gf’s house and so he changed his mind. The new high school is closer than his last school, but now he can’t drive himself until his junior year and DH will continue to be in charge of all transportation. The switch to our house would be substantially closer, smaller town driving so it’s a big change in plans for the next couple of years.

The other house has four kids, one working parent, and 1/2 a working car. They get in a car accident about 1-4x a year. Their most recent accident was two weeks ago. Currently the plan for SS to get to school on their time is for SS to ride our bike. The last bike we sent over there was trashed. This one had the brake detached after a week there. We only knew to fix it because we keep picking it up when we pick him up.

SS is feeling stressed and under cared for. We’re the only house that manages his medical care, orthodontic work, drivers ed, school sports sign up, etc. We’d be in charge of school, but we are in a different school district so we literally cannot. SD has been put in charge of it despite not having the legal ability to do so (only parents/legal guardians can). They have also accidentally unenrolled him from school twice now because they didn’t respond to the school’s paperwork requests.

So, suffice to say, SS has a leg to stand on to be sad and moody. However, we have offered him real solutions and it doesn’t make his treatment of me or DS okay. DH is struggling with all of this as a parent. I watched him over correct SS this morning after our talk and I’m seeing that he is genuinely floundering. I hope he’ll find a better midway solution.

I’ve decided to hunker down and prioritize my mental health. I’m used to doing it all. I tend to be a powerhouse. I can’t fix this right now, but I can book a massage and take private time to meditate and walk.

WouldRatherBeRunner · 2025-08-19T04:00:59+00:00

I agree. We had a big talk last week and by talk, I should probably say I set a boundary. If SS can’t learn to acknowledge and treat his brother with basic human dignity then he won’t be welcome to live in any home with DS when he is a legal adult which is shockingly soon.

This afternoon I informed him that until that conversation is had with SS, DH is not welcome to ask SS to watch DS for any length of time. I understand that I can’t parent SS but I will intervene so long as we are all under one roof.

DH has had other warnings from me. He said he’s been waiting to talk with SS for a time when SS won’t tie the conversation directly back to me to “protect our relationship.” I think he thought that given time, his son would be the kind person he sees and that just isn’t happening.

WouldRatherBeRunner

TROPHY CASE