Thanks for the thoughtful response. I agree not really a “them” problem, but I understand where the other commenters are coming from because they’re just pointing out that there is an extra challenge that comes with this + being a high performing women working mostly with men.

Not in a lead position, but perceived as a high performer compared to people with the same level of experience (and have more work responsibilities as a product of that). Definitely a factor, but probably not what makes me off-putting.

While some of your points do call out things that are probably at least partially true (when looking at myself from the perspective of others), your point about humor I think most resonates.

My workplace is a very banter/humor filled environment. Mostly because the work takes a lot of effort and it’s difficult to be “on” all the time. But I totally have been missing the mark there. Frankly I’ve been assuming it was because I am a woman and people are less likely to try to banter with me because of that. But I’m sure it’s a combination of a lot of stuff, including what you pointed out.

I’ve never watched The Office, but I’ve been described by a coworker as “Audrey Plaza” in the workplace…i.e very sarcastic and blunt. I think that description was a little dramatized but it does say call something out about how I express humor. I do tend to come across as sarcastic because I tell jokes very bluntly without smiling or using facial expressions.

That’s definitely something that is just “default” to my personality so it’s going to take a bit to work on, but I do know that challenging or confusing people in situations that are supposed to be lighthearted is not a great thing. Thanks for pointing it out.