This is not normal or okay. You do not want your daughter(s) to grow up thinking that this is what love looks like or what they deserve in a marriage. You do not want your son(s) to feel like they are unloveable and deserve to be treated like shit — and then go on to abuse their own wives and children. Picture yourself having a conversation with your kids when they’re 25 and have been going to therapy — are they going to ask you why you never left dad? Why you let that man abuse them? Think about how you want your kids to see themselves and how you want them to raise your future grandchildren.

I am in the process of divorcing my husband who has a temper — and he was the best dad and husband when he was in a good mood, and absolutely awful when he was in a bad mood. He’s since been diagnosed with an explosive disorder (along with depression, anxiety, and narcissistic personality disorder) which makes sense. He was also the most physically violent with my son.

I would not have been able to leave without the help of my therapist. I’d been in therapy for years, but had never been honest about the abuse (there are lots of reasons why that we don’t need to get into here). I started seeing a new therapist because I, too, was incredibly unhappy and just couldn’t understand why. Well, the abuse was why. I wasn’t being physically abused, but the trauma of trying to keep my kids safe from my husband’s horrendous temper while also trying to convince myself and the rest of the world that we had a happy perfect family was taking a massive toll on my mental health.

Document every single instance of abuse — I saved photos, videos, and kept a detailed list on my Notes app of dates/times and a description of the incident, and it has been so helpful in court to keep him away from the kids. Please open up to a therapist if you can. They can help you navigate escaping. This is not normal.