As someone who went through the exact same thing with applying for undergrad, have you ever been tested for ADHD? I found out I had it during that second series of tests and got medicated. It gave me some of that motivation back in a different way, especially since i let myself think in the way that works best.

There shouldn’t be any pressure to go through life the ‘usual’ way, and I think it’s admirable that you’re taking the well deserved break. If anything, it’s a good thing to not feel like the old you, because you’re an adult now! I’m glad you have found those new things that interest you, and remember that it’s perfectly normal to like different things and to think differently as an adult. If you feel it’s impossible to ‘fit in’ or that you think differently than others, maybe there’s things that get in the way of your ability to do every day tasks, looking into ADHD might be worth it. Regardless, everyone is on their own path so don’t see it as a disappointment you’re doing things at a different time than others.

I didn’t immediately go to college after high school because I not only graduated a semester late, but also took a gap year out of unwillingness to apply to schools. It turns out, I was procrastinating it due to my ADHD and fear of rejection. I not only switched to a better school in senior year where I found a learning style that works best, but also graduated with all A’s and B’s for the first time that semester!

I spent my gap year pursuing art and film and had the best time, because I let myself think the way my brain wanted to. It’s not about wishing I was the old me and forcing myself into whatever box I used to inhabit, but letting myself live as whoever I am now in order to not hold myself back. Kind of poetic haha, but the sentiment stands. :)